I'm worried about whether we can get back together.

I got married when I was 18 years old due to x2.
As a result of discussions, the children were raised at my husband's house, and they remarried when they were 26, but every time they had a fight, they received violence and got divorced because they were unbearable. Soon after that, I met my current boyfriend, an instructor at the place where I went to get my motorcycle license.
Our relationship began when our hobbies matched, and we soon began living together. My past wasn't accepted, and he had trouble dating, and after 3 months, he couldn't accept my past. I want to break up. I was told that I couldn't change my past, and I had no choice but to accept the breakup.
After that, we had a half-hearted relationship for about 3 months, and after thinking about it, I was ready to accept it. They said they wanted to be together again, and we started dating again. However, I was also an instructor, so I was quite popular with trainees, and I was just getting nervous and fighting. I want to break up again in a few months because of that. I was told that, and he went back to his parents' house again. I thought I had to change and told him that it was my last chance after being away for about a month, and he came back. But after all, it's been 3 months since he came back that I wasn't completely changed, I worried about small things, and even though I was tired from work, we fought until midnight, and it's been 3 months since he came back. I've been thinking about getting married, but I can't get married. If your house is a place where you get tired every day, your parents' house is better, you can't do it anymore, break up. I was told that again. It's because I've become dependent on it. I also have a pretty bad impression on his family.
I was living at his grandpa's house now. I just started living there with the intention of eventually getting married and building a house. I'm left alone in that house now, so if you find a place to move to, please leave. He just went back to his parents' house a month ago.
I like it, but love and marriage are different. They say they can't see the future with me and that they don't have confidence, and it's not like they've broken up perfectly yet, and it seems like they'll see if I really change. There have been a number of times where I was hopeful that they invited me to go fishing this past month and sent me emails congratulating them on their anniversaries.
Don't contact people around me anymore. They said they wanted to break up, so don't chase them. and. I don't know what to do. Every day is so painful that I can't sleep. How can I get him to trust me again and want to be with him? Can you take good care of me? I'm moving out of my current house in a month. In the meantime, I'm searching to see if there's anything I can do for him, and it's a painful day without being able to solve anything. Please help.

4 Zen Responses

Keep your head cool and your heart warm

Nameko-sama

Good evening, my name is Tetsuya Urakami.
If you look at the profile, you're young, in your 20s, but you've had an eventful life. And now you're facing another big problem. I felt Nameko's desperate feelings in her last words, “Please help me.”

I'm planning to rebuild and live in the future, and the fact that I live in his grandfather's house means that my marriage with him progressed quite a bit at one point, wasn't it?

He was worried about Nameko's past and wanted to break up, and she still wanted to stay together, and invited me fishing and e-mails even after returning to my parents' house, and I felt like he was shaken quite a bit.
His words, “I like you, but love and marriage are different,” probably express that.

I don't know exactly what can be done or what method is better.
However, what I felt was that if you act with “how to get him to trust you,” “how to get him to want to be with you,” and “how to make him feel important,” it will become intrusive to your partner.

Also, I thought that if the results expected by Nameko didn't come out, complaints and dissatisfaction against the other party would spring up, which would be transmitted to the other party, and the results would be worse.

Facing a crisis where you lose your favorite boyfriend and a place to live at the same time, I don't think it's easy to stay calm. But please act “keep your head cool and your heart warm.”

Instead of acting in search of good results for yourself, why don't you try to convey the feeling that Nameko cares about him?

I hope the attitude of believing in him and becoming someone I can rely on is conveyed to him.

He has accepted everything you've ever had, and he's such a wonderful person ◎
It's only because I care that they still send me emails and invite me.

They like their partner, so they get upset, and they probably end up in fights over trivial matters... When it comes to being in a relationship for a long time or getting married, what is still important is to trust and be considerate of the other person. Was that done?

Sometimes, there will be fights due to differences of opinion, but if the attitude of believing in him and becoming a reliable person is conveyed to him, there may also be a reunion.
It would be nice if it could be conveyed to him ~ I support him (*^^*)

Refreshingly

Hello, Nameko.
It looks like they've been struggling with various things this past year, and they've been moving around psychologically and physically. It's natural to get tired!
Since I'm moving out of “his grandpa's house” in a few weeks, I recommend concentrating on “looking for a house for now and then relaxing”... Since we're moving, we also need something that comes first, so maybe “work” for that area of work.

Well, there were a few times where I expected them to invite me to go fishing or send me emails congratulating them on their anniversaries. He's probably worried about Nameko too.
But I don't know how worried they are. Whether it's out of shame, as a friend, or as an ex-girlfriend, are you still thinking properly in your heart, or are you testing it (it doesn't seem like they've broken up perfectly yet and they'll see if I really change).

I think it's one thing that makes you feel refreshed.
Getting married or being in a relationship means being dependent on each other. It means it will take longer.
It's heavy when it's dependent or heavy, but I feel that the weight is comfortable and burdensome.
Is it ideal as a partner to be able to support each other even when they feel burdened?

How can I make him feel comfortable? Do you think it matters to you?
What he feels and thinks is himself.
However, let's stop moving around so that we don't feel burdened... so that it doesn't get heavy...

First, why don't you aim for a refreshed state?

A brighter future

To Nameko-sama

I've read my life up until now, and it's just like a drama.
Among them, it is true that my relationship with him has been connected.
But maybe the time has come when we have to stop and make a decision.
It's a bright thing to move forward.

It is said that they are considering moving this time.
How about stepping away once and then facing Nameko's feelings once again?
Isn't it important to be honest with the feelings that came out at that time and move forward? Gassho

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