How to break free from feelings of regret?

Nice to meet you. It was a folly act against my ex-wife, so I imagined that it was a situation where I wanted to apologize but couldn't apologize directly. It's painful.

> While thinking it can't be helped to some extent, I live my life sometimes reflecting and sometimes encouraging
I think there must have been quite a bit of conflict yourself leading up to this kind of thinking. It's good that we've come to this point.

The question is how to switch and how to get out, but even if Kiyomasa-sama isn't satisfied, why not let her former wife or son forgive her? Or how about Kiyomasa-sama said that she was convinced, but the other party wouldn't forgive her? After all, it's probably about how the other person's feelings will change in the end.

It's no wonder Kiyomasa-sama regrets it, but the first step for your partner to forgive you is to apologize and reflect. As far as I can read the sentence, Kiyomasa-sama has made firm remorse and a sincere apology. So please keep in mind that “I just did what I did.”

I just did it, so the rest is up to your opponent. Please don't worry. Even if I hadn't been able to get out now, I felt that they were definitely walking forward.

Yes, there are a lot of things.
This world is full of things that don't go the way you want them to. I'm sure everyone has feelings of regret.
It's so beautiful and I don't think I'll forget it. I have no choice but to carry on my back what I've done.

If you're allowed to, if you have an opportunity to express your remorse to your mother, ex-wife, or son, your partner may be able to relax too. But if it only imposes this feeling, it will come back and be accepted selfishly.

It's difficult. I hope you can let go of the luggage you are carrying little by little by little by taking good care of your life while looking back on how I am from now on.

Kiyomasa-sama.
My name is Tetsuya Urakami, and thank you for your support.

It seems that there are people who deliberately remember and regret their mistakes when they were young at a certain age. People in their 70s I know are also suffering from recent memories of mistakes in their 20s and 30s that they had long forgotten.
I'm younger than that person, Yakiyomasa, so I haven't realized it yet, but I'm afraid I'll be struck by various regrets when I reach a certain age.

However, I think that people who have no regrets or remorse have no deep worries and, on the other hand, no salvation. This is because deep shame (shame) makes people grow.

Kiyomasa-sama. It may be painful, but how about facing your own shame, and if possible, repent to those involved in “parental disloyalty to your mother,” “foolishness towards your ex-wife,” and “lack of love for your son.”

I've written about being “ashamed” before.
Would it be helpful?
http://hasunoha.jp/questions/50

Kiyomasa-san, thank you for your question.

I received a consultation about not being able to control my sense of regret and wanting to make the switch.

I'm sure everyone has many or no regrets.

Mr. Urakami also wrote it, but it can also be paraphrased as a feeling of “shame.”

The story of Ashiyoshi that Mr. Urakami shows at the link is helpful.

We are people only because we are ashamed.

It's very painful, but it might be fair to say that it becomes a “person” from there.

It's an outrageous way of saying it,

I think your sense of regret means that you have a reason to be saved.

Chew your regrets and enjoy them.

Humans are born crying and die crying.

I think you're living in a human reality.

Do you know the word reincarnation?
When I'm reborn next time
In order to apply what we have experienced in this life to the next
Please think about what to do.
Unfaithful parents towards their mother, foolishness towards their former wife, lack of love for their son.
This is your homework for the next life.
I often reflect on why this happened,
If you repent, you will surely have a good next life.

I have one too. Even now, old shame and regret come back to my memory, and I don't like it. But over time, nothing will go away. I'm hungry, and I want to go to the bathroom, I have to write hasunoha's answer (laughs).
Saito Hitoshi said, “Do you remember your worries from 2 years ago? I don't remember. That's because time will resolve it. Let's put time on our side. ...”
　

Kiyomasa-sama

This is Kawaguchi Hidetoshi. This is a humble answer to the question.

It is really important that Kiyomasa sincerely regrets and regrets it, and as all of the respondents said.

In particular, having a sense of “shame” is important and a good act in Buddhism.

Regarding “shame,” we are also dealing with the following questions.
http://hasunoha.jp/questions/178

Now, from regret, remorse, and shame, the question is what exactly we can do next and what we should do.

Of course, along with the fact that similar mistakes will never be repeated, it is also about whether there is anything that can be done for mothers, ex-wives, and sons, for example.

If everyone were alive, one thing would be to express a sincere apology or apology, whether in person or in a letter without meeting again. Depending on the other person's reaction, there are times when they have already forgiven you, and it is possible that they don't care, and if that is the case, the suffering will be alleviated quite a bit. Of course, the opposite reaction is also possible, but that means that it becomes clear how to deal with the other party in the future in response to that request as something more specific. Of course, it may become more clear there that nothing can be done anymore.

Even if you continue to worry alone, you may continue to suffer even more in the midst of exaggerated delusions. It is necessary to aim for good deeds as realistically as possible.

I would recommend that you perform the filial piety that a mother can do, if she has already passed away, that you can perform as many memorial services and merit conversion as possible to your ex-wife, make amends with what you can do by showing apology and sincerity, and that you can give love to your son from now on, respectively.

The past that has passed will never be recovered, but if you keep getting caught up in it, it won't change at all. I think the question is what we should do now and in the future.

I would be very happy if this was an opportunity for you to think at least a little bit about what you can do.

Kawaguchi Hidetoshi Gassho

To Kiyomasa-sama

If everyone were alive, a sense of regret would come up saying “if I did this at that time.”
Among the things I regret, it depends on Kiyomasa's actions in the future
Is there anything I can do to change that mindset?

If so, I would definitely like them to show action.
If not, I think there are many things ahead
I think we have no choice but to make up our minds and live our lives so we don't regret it. Gassho