On the marriage of an only child

LIMI
My name is Tetsuya Urakami. It seems like I've been asked a few questions before, but the timing wasn't right, and I think this will be the first time I've answered them.
Looking at the previous question and answer, he seemed to be a calm and pure person.

Now, it looks like you're having a very troubling problem, and I'm worried too.

He took over the family business at his parents' house, and his parents are old and have an old fashioned way of thinking. Just listening to the story that LIMI had a bad impression of being raised by a single parent, it's not hard to imagine how stubborn she is.

I think LIMI will probably have a very hard time if she gets married. I often hear stories about the hardships of “a woman from an ordinary family who married in a temple,” and I'm worried that something similar will happen.

That said, you probably won't be able to give up on marrying him easily.
Also, even if he marries a woman recommended by his parents, the daughter-in-law problem will definitely occur, and I think he will suffer from being sandwiched between them.

If so, why don't you make up your mind and think about getting married after assuming the worst to the extent possible?
However, from looking at the previous questions and answers, I don't have the impression that LIMI is a “powerful woman full of guts” (this is my selfish image), so I think he will definitely be on your side, and it is also necessary to make various decisions when getting married.
They are separated at any cost, and I want to win a separate building even if the minimum site is the same.

Please have a thorough discussion with him.

LIMI
Nice to meet you.

They are married to each other's only child.
What's more, they are separated from each other's hometowns, so it's difficult to have either.
I think it's going to be a big deal.

I've also been married for over ten years, and I'm one person who has been going right and left over my daughter-in-law issues with my parents' house lol and my relationship with my wife's parents' house.

But what I value most is discussions with my spouse.

What does the husband (wife) think?

This places such a higher priority than the opinions of both parents.

He's optimistic that things will work out if he takes time, and that was the case with me in the past.
However, if left alone, only regular savings accounts work, and even pickles require daily maintenance.
let alone the daughter-in-law problem lol

I think there are various conditions for marriage.
Among them, there are many things that don't go the way you want, for better or worse.

So one thing is for the couple to discuss.
What will be the standard?

I think that standard is to discuss what each other thinks, and both accept the results of those discussions.

Please have a thorough discussion with him.
Among them, I hope that a wonderful future awaits each other.

Good evening.
I love marriage, so I want to be together! There are certainly times when it is quite difficult just to think that.
Since the two families will become a family, there are probably things you can't do about with your own thoughts. I'm worried about my mom, isn't it? ~ I wonder if it's lonely to be by her side.

There are happy couples, even if they are only children, and there are cases where disputes are constant even if they have siblings.

When I was in a relationship, I even broke up with someone I liked after thinking about various things such as work and parents. In the end, I'm convinced they had no relationship.

From the standpoint of a wife, there are times when I can't understand the environment I grew up in and my mother-in-law's generation. Thanks to that, I've become a strong woman who listens to whatever is said (laughs)

Once you start to worry about it, a lot of worries come up. What I can overcome is his understanding and parents' support (*^^*)

Have a good discussion with him too. If you have differences of opinion with him, it might be tough.
It's a lifetime thing, so I really want you to worry about it.

For happiness ♡

Thank you again, LIMI. Here's my answer.

I think this problem will become a serious problem as the aging population progresses. You can't avoid it anymore. Strictly speaking, I think it's a problem that all women suffer from. The woman who was a career woman who worked hard also quit her job to take care of her parents, had to take care of her, and when she calmed down, there was nothing left. I don't have a job either. I don't have any savings. I don't even have a partner. It was painful for me not to be able to do anything when I saw this kind of person. There is no choice but to say that this is the country's fault. What is the municipality doing!
I really think it would be good to have LIMI's mother prepare to prevent that from happening. Now that I'm an only child and raised with my mother's hands, I should have been prepared for that. There is no mother's opinion from the text in this question, so please discuss it once. It's also kind of nice that they don't want to see their children put up with their own happiness for the sake of their parents.
We should think about LIMI not being able to take care of them and take the next step. For example, relatives, neighbors, mother's friends, civil affairs committee members, etc. use whatever can be used. This isn't a shame or anything. They may take a cold attitude, but that overcomes the circumstances of the house where they got married. Let's just set aside money for when nursing care is needed.
After that, I think LIMI will always do the same thing when it comes to dealing with parents at the other woman's parents' house when it comes to getting married, having a child, having a baby boy, and getting married. If you don't do it, LIMI should be someone who doesn't cause your own suffering to others. Even if you put yourself in the other person's shoes, I think there are times when you can see a statement that is not offensive.
I may not be able to change laws and regulations on my own, but I should be able to resonate with other people's hearts. I said, “Take care of the parents at my parents' house too.” So wouldn't you be happy if the next generation imitates your child's wife in the same way?
I'm sorry for the harsh opinions. Just for reference.

Due to the influence of songs, movies, dramas, etc.
Everyone is drawn into it that love is a wonderful romance is the best
Love and love are just one of the wonderful things that happen in life.
(Having said that, I love romantic comedy movies...)
Buddhism sees love as suffering.
Adding self over love is called “love.”
The cutest person is myself.
“Ga-Ai” get married and the two “Ga-Ai” become a family.

Love alone is not enough to get married.
I'm a big fan of Aragaki Yui. I love it.
But I love Gacky more than anyone else
I can't get married to Gacky...
This is because the “relationship” is not in place.
If you value relationships over love
The scenery will change.
If you face yourself with a strange scene of mind
A variety of options may be created.

No one knows what lies ahead for humans.
Well, I don't know what's going to come out in life
There are people who worry about the future and take it harder than necessary.
(Is this particularly true for women? (My partner is like that too...)
I think a certain amount of mental preparation and simulation is important
Because it can only be life.
I'm sorry for being so irresponsible
when something happens
I think it's something you can think about and deal with from time to time
(It's my own yardstick)

It's just hard even if you think about it carefully, isn't it?
While cherishing relationships
Let's enjoy a life that can only be the way it is.

LIMI

This is Kawaguchi Hidetoshi. This is a humble answer to the question.

Now, as for marriage, it's certainly true that going to get married means entering the other person's house, so it's inevitable that there will be various things, whether good or bad.

Also, since your partner will eventually take over the family business, if you help the family business, you will inevitably be forced to have various relationships with your parents.

Furthermore, when it comes to living together... I'll leave that up to imagination...

If you become officially married in the future, it is impossible to ignore the presence of your partner's parents, so if possible, it's better to create a better relationship from now on, and make a good impression, and I know your parents' thoughts and personalities as far in advance as possible, and I know your parents' thoughts and personalities as far in advance as possible, and I think it would be preferable to prepare to some extent for dealing with them after marriage from now on.

In any case, you should think that it is a reality that there are more than a few daughter-in-law problems, and after that, I think it is essential to keep your husband firmly attached to this point of view, follow up every time there is an incident, and keep him protected.

Anyway, the point is whether you can successfully maintain a better relationship or a balanced relationship, even on the surface at worst.

After that, it goes without saying that it is important for the two to overcome difficulties due to their mutual love.

As for each other's parents, they are parents of people they love, so I think it would be nice if LIMI could have a heart of gratitude, respect, and a desire to cherish each other for taking good care of that person, and make LIMI think that the other person's parents are as important as their real mother as possible. Of course, in reality, I think there are many things that are difficult with logic alone, but it is probably necessary to make an effort to do that anyway. If you make such an effort, I'm sure that my husband will also cherish LIMI's mother and kindly help her in various ways.

After that, I also know that once we have children, things will change drastically again. Let's do our best by looking forward as much as possible without being too pessimistic or backwards.

I wish LIMI happiness.

Kawaguchi Hidetoshi Gassho

If you ask old guys and aunts who are over 60 about their true intentions
“Anyway, it's better not to have a hard time”
“Get someone you can do”
“If you get lost, that's the answer, so don't do it”
“But in the end, when I choose it, the person who made that choice is my true self.”
“Choose someone you don't have trouble with money”
Please ask the elderly directly. I'm sure your current indigestion will go away. If you can, you should ask people who have failed. Life isn't all good things (laughs)

A woman's intuition should be able to tell if a mother is likely to be prepared to leave her child.
I'm an only child, so it's natural for my mother to be so cute + α.
If that were the case, my mother-in-law would rather like it if she had enough ability to hand it over to her mother. “Wow, this guy is a young girl who knows how to be friendly,” he said.
Well, it's about thinking that nothing in life is your own. (^.^)
Please keep this one big truth in mind.
You'll be able to feel at ease when you have a mother or a partner.

“The reason why everyone in the world is suffering
Things that weren't originally my own
Before I knew it, I thought it was my own
“I don't think so,”
Not being aware of what I'm doing is the biggest cause of suffering. ” Kakugen Gassho

To LIMI

I think this kind of problem is common now that there are fewer children.

First of all, the most important thing is LIMI's true feelings.
What do you want to do with him?
Parents want their children to be happy.
What should LIMI do to make her happy first?
I think we need to think about that one more time first.

Isn't it too late for the rest of the problems? Gassho