I don't know how to treat a father with terminal cancer

I know how difficult it must be for your father. It's no wonder you can't be there, standing or standing.
I myself think that even if they say “I will take care of you,” it will only make me anxious.

Up until now, it's been said hundreds of times, but it's a path that everyone goes through, and I'm sure both my father and grandpa thought that in the past, so don't worry about it.

If you see with your eyes, see with your heart, and see with your hands, now Mr. Tan Shio-san can touch your father a lot with your hands. Then, please say, “Let me take care of the rest.” I think your mother will probably be happy too, but why not? Looking at it with your hands, I think that's also taking care of it.

“Buddha meal is tan salt.”
It was an interesting question last time, but this time it's serious.
I would like to express my sympathy for your father's illness as it has progressed quite a bit.

There's something I definitely want to tell you.
I originally held a workshop for medical professionals called the “Death Experience Trip,” and a man who took care of my father before took care of me took it.
Speaking after the workshop, that person said, “I feel like I understood a little bit that my father, who was fighting an illness, felt like this. If I had received this while nursing, I would have been able to treat them in a different way.”

Since they are father and son, it seems that when they met, they only talked about practical matters, such as the status of the illness and treatment plans. But he said he wanted to talk more closely with his father.

However, it seems that the father of “Buddha food is tan salt” is already in a difficult situation to exchange words. But I've heard that human hearing works until the end. Please be sure to talk to me about words of gratitude, memories, etc. when you are nursing.

I think the difficult days will continue until “that time,” but those days are my father's silent teachings. We are making every effort so that you can accept it firmly and kindly pass it off.

H25.11.22 update
Did your father pass away?
Thank you for taking the time out of your busy schedule to report.
I would like to express my sincere condolences.

You seem to be very calm yourself.
However, a sense of loss does not necessarily come right after. Conversely, right after, they may not have fully accepted it, or they may be distracted because they have a lot to do.
If you feel uneasy, please write to hasunoha again.

Tan Shio-sama

It is said that I don't understand my own feelings, but I think it is a path that everyone who has faced caregiving will go through.
“1+1 =?” The answer to the question is one of “2”
“What do you think of when you think of blue?” I think there are many correct answers to this question.
The feeling of “being inseparable” and “being screwed.”
I can't help but be confused by the contradictions in the feelings that emerge within me, but I was taught that both are correct.

Even if I think about it in my head, I think it just goes round and round, so why not express your feelings in a diary, letter, etc.

I can't appeal directly to my father, but I really wanted to do something like this for him.
loneliness, impatience. My feelings about things around me, such as health care and family. etc.
Not only are negative things, but memories with dad and family that came to mind at that time are also good.
I recommend that you not only store it in your own body, but write it on something every day.

Eventually, there were people who put it in their coffins the day that came, and there were also people who looked back at the memorial service and looked back on themselves at that time.

It's certainly a courageous task, but rather than just holding it in your own head, I think it can be a guide for how to deal with it.

Buddhism exists for those of us who face death.

Two years ago, my 59-year-old mother died of colorectal cancer. By the time it became known, it was already terminal, and we had parted ways after only half a year.
I am a daughter who did not live up to her mother's expectations and made her parents very sad. It happened just when they were finally reconciled and I was thinking about doing a lot of filial piety from now on. “Why?” Only “what should I do” went round and round in my head, and I was so upset that I couldn't get my hands on anything.

At that time, the “Five Prayers from Children to Parents,” described in “The Rikata Reikyo,” saved me.
After my mother passes away, I will no longer be able to “support my parents” or “prioritize my parents' errands over my own.” However, it is possible to “keep the family tree alive,” “become a good person suitable for inheritance,” and “hold memorial services for deceased parents.” No, it's a job I'll have to spend the rest of my life doing.
It's a strange way of saying it when I realized that, but I felt so relieved.

“I don't have time to stand still. I thought, “If my mother risked her life and wasted even one day crying and being depressed like this, that would be filial disloyalty.” Stand firm on your own feet and live a strong and bright life. To make my new family and kids happy. That is the future of filial piety that I can do. My mother wanted that too, and she probably wanted to see that figure.

Please do your best to do what you can do now, as before. On top of that, please cherish the time you can spend together. I was finally able to take my mom's hand and say “Thank you, Mom.” So I have no regrets. My mother must have felt sorry, but I think she let go of her worries and passed away.
May everyone in the family have peace of mind.

A few years ago
When I see a friend who has little time left to live
If you say “go for it”
“I can't do my best anymore...”
“Well then, let's meet again”
I said goodbye with tears in my eyes.
My friend soon went back to the Pure Land.
They said they visited him to confirm their promise to meet again in the Pure Land
That's what I think now.
It makes me feel a little lonely but
That's how much the Pure Land becomes lively
It's been a while since I said goodbye
Well then, it's the Jodo Shinshu that can split up with Matatane.
“Dad went to the Pure Land first
I'll go soon...”
They say the world where we can meet again is ready
It's reassuring and warm.
I'm crying, but I'm sure it's not just tears of sorrow.
“Namida-sama,” not Amida, comes out of my eyes.
“See you later.”

Hello, Mr. Tan Shio-san, is the Buddha meal.

Both dad and mom are in a state where Mr. Tan Shio-san himself... doesn't know what to do or where to start... I know it's hard.

Humans can live their lives being manipulated by desires.
However, you can also live with intention and willpower.

Even if it's “damn it!” Even if I have a heart to think about it, even if it's hard to go, “I'll always go see you at the hospital,” or every other day, so I'll go call out.
In order to speak up, it comes with thinking. When you think about it or think about it, you're bound to burst into tears, be confused, and feel sick.
It's natural, because something called “the death of a parent” that you can't take care of yourself is imminent.
But it's also so important to you. Please treat your father and mother with intention and willpower. We also recommend organizing, such as writing in a notebook.

It's from my own experience.

・・

Buddha meal is Tan Shio-sama

I sincerely apologize for your heartache, your father.

As you say, “It's like being in a world of ignorance,” we are actually suffering in various ways due to “ignorance” (fundamental ignorance).

Regarding “love separation,” which is the pain of having to break up with someone you love, I have dealt with it a little bit in each of the following questions. Also, I think everyone's answers will be helpful in various ways.

http://hasunoha.jp/questions/114
http://hasunoha.jp/questions/107
http://hasunoha.jp/questions/95
http://hasunoha.jp/questions/91

How should we deal with the suffering of “death”... since we are beings that always die, this is an unavoidable issue.

As reincarnated beings, our next destination is determined by our inherited state of mind, but it is said that the first thing that has a big impact is the state of mind at the time of death.

Therefore, it is important to face death as calmly, peacefully, and in a pure state of mind as possible.

For example, at the time of death, I think it is necessary for caregivers to let them pass away peacefully as possible by saying gentle and warm words, conveying feelings of gratitude and recompassion, and making it possible to get rid of the worries of patronage, etc.

Most of all, in terms of Buddhism, various sutras are recited and converted to sutras in order to establish good roots, starting with the Pillow Sutra, in order to establish good roots by forming a definite Buddhist relationship and making good intentions.

By all means, I hope your father can take care of him at the time of his death so that he can listen to the sutras in a good state of mind.

Also, I know that when I die, I will gradually adjust to how I want to be.

I sincerely pray that your father will pass away peacefully.

Kawaguchi Hidetoshi Gassho

Buddha meal to Mr. Tan Shio-sama

I think there are times when people are confused about the current situation.
But you don't need to be prepared for anything.
Normal is fine.

In a sentence
“I didn't get along well with my father and said, “Damn it!” I thought it hundreds of times, but as that time gets closer, I don't understand my own feeling of not being able to stay or stand.”
There was a place called that.
Exactly, that is proof of the relationship between parents and children.

Unfortunately, my father, who is now in his final stages, has reached the end of his life.
Among them, once again, the Buddha meal is in Tan Shio-sama
What kind of relationship do you want to have with your father
I'd like you to think about that.
Never regret it. Gassho