About family funerals

Ee-chan
My name is Tetsuya Urakami from Nagomi-an.

It is said that his childhood friend's father passed away and he is sad.
Also, they weren't able to say their final goodbye, and they're also struck by another sense of sadness.
I'm sorry to hear that it hasn't come to pass.

Well, recently, there has been an increase in the number of funerals with only family members and relatives.
There is no acquaintance with the person who passed away, and it is good that there are no people who laugh out loud at the wake, but on the other hand, there is also the problem of shutting out people who really want to say goodbye, like Ee-chan.

Originally, I think that vigils and funerals have a private role of “breaking up with the family and the deceased” and a social role of “breaking up with an acquaintance, friend, and deceased person.”

However, they didn't think much about the latter, and if they didn't want to put a burden on their children and grandchildren, they said “because only the family is enough,” and the family used those words as “in a will.”

For example, in the case of a “100-year-old person who died after being bedridden for 20 years,” and if there are almost no acquaintances of the person, then I think only the family is enough.
Are people in their 70s or 80s who died this time? I think it's been a while since I retired from active duty, but there are actually people who are sad like Ee-chan, so I think it would have been nice if you could have been a little flexible.

That said, we probably don't have time this time, so why not go to your house and pray at a later date, or visit graves after the ossuary?

I'm sure Ee-chan's feelings were conveyed to the deceased.

The issue of family funerals actually seems to be a deep one.

There are also cases where they try to omit more ceremonies, in the form of direct burial.

As Mr. Urakami pointed out, people are probably starting to think less about social death.

I think it would be good for me to share Eh-chan's thoughts by visiting graves or visiting her house to pray.

I once organized a funeral at a house with what is called a family funeral.

The heir lived in a faraway land, and it is said that there aren't many people with connections to those who died, so they chose a small funeral.

I had the opportunity to talk about various things with the mourner, but it was a hectic choice, and due to the convenience of the venue, etc., it was a family funeral, but it seemed like they also had thoughts about whether it was okay to send it in this form.

According to what I hear, it seems that funeral directors also sometimes recommend direct burial or family funerals to bereaved families, but in that case, it seems that the bereaved family often has the feeling that they have not properly parted ways with the deceased.

There is absolutely no feeling of denying choosing such a small funeral as an economic choice, but I don't feel like I'm leaving something important behind.

Recently, various things have been said about how to have a funeral, but it seems that the time has come to think about a better funeral for the deceased, for the bereaved, and for the people around them.

　I also live in Hiroshima, and the proportion of family funerals is rapidly increasing, as funeral halls for family funerals have been newly built and conventional halls have been remodeled for family funerals. Not only is it economical, but one of the reasons is that you can slowly pass it off with just your family. People who are really close to the deceased or those who want to pray should pray, but if you don't have a firm grasp of the deceased's friendships, it's unavoidable to limit it to the family so that no one is disrespectful.

However, after the funeral was over, condolence visitors often visited the home, and there are many cases where it was actually easier to have an old-fashioned funeral. As Master Uragami said, I think it would be a good idea to pray at home or at the grave after calming down.

It must be painful to break up suddenly with someone close to you.

Family burial... Recently, it has increased. It's in the form of a ceremony with a small group just for the family. There are also cases where the idea is not to let the neighbors know, and that they ask that they refrain from incense or worship.
The family seems to be restricting their future relationships, and it makes me think it's kind of disappointing.

That's why the deceased had relationships with various people in their lives. I would like everyone to remember and use it as a place to learn about life at a wake funeral.

Even if it is a family funeral or a secret burial, we monks believe that it is an important legal relationship and work hard.

　I had the same experience.
There is a trend of refraining from burning incense to funerals of people who have taken care of them, teachers, benefactors, etc. The reason is as written by other monks. There were times when I couldn't even send a letter of condolence. In fact, the world of monks also tends to be completed with disciples or nearby temples, like a family funeral.
I asked close relatives if they could go to the farewell ceremony or wake even when my teacher was transferred, and said, “It's better not to do the farewell ceremony. There's no place for a wake.” I was told things like that, and in the end, I went to burn incense before the wake. It was frustrating and empty when I thought about it carefully, but I thought it was good to be able to worship the body. The reactions of those around me were mixed. “Don't disturb the funeral.” There were also people who said that. I said, “What is that.” I think so. But I have no regrets. When a relative of mine passed away, I was determined not to strangely refuse even if someone like this asked me.
Eh-chan, do whatever you want, whether it's a wake or a farewell ceremony. Make choices you won't regret. I'm not doing anything wrong, so please act with confidence. Furthermore, don't do to others what you think you don't like.
I'm looking forward to talking with you later.

Ee-chan

This is Kawaguchi Hidetoshi. This is my humble answer to the question.

I think the number of family funerals is certainly increasing. I don't understand the actual situation because I almost never work at funerals, so I can't understand the actual situation, but I hear that it has increased quite a bit according to information from funeral companies.

http://ja.wikipedia.org/wiki/家族葬

Regarding family funerals, I think the overview, merits, and demerits are also summarized in some detail on the Wikipedia page above.

Whether on a large scale or on a small scale, a funeral is an important Buddhist ceremony that deals with admonition and guidance for the deceased (there are also sects that do not handle admonition or guidance), and it is also a ceremony for relatives and attendees to remember the virtues of the deceased during their lifetime, express condolences, and I also know that it is an important ceremony where you can give (give in) to “buddha” and the “law relationship” mentioned by Mr. Nakata.

In particular, by being involved in Buddhist relationships and legal relationships, we would like to use it as an opportunity for us to reflect again on our current state of life, and to think clearly about future generations, and as an opportunity to adjust our way of life in accordance with Buddhism.

Regarding the form of the funeral, of course, we are refraining from various issues related to realistic funerals, such as cost, time, complexity, etc., but as much as possible, we would like to arrange it in such a way that not only the deceased and bereaved families, but also the relatives and attendees can be satisfied and satisfied.

Nonetheless, above all else, it is a place where I would like to work for memorial services and merit conversion so that the deceased can leave the suffering of reincarnation and firmly practice Buddhism, so that bereaved families and relatives can use even just a little bit of power.

A humble essay “On the way of thinking about memorial services and merit conversion”
http://blog.livedoor.jp/hidetoshi1/archives/52108201.html

I would be happy if you could ask Ee-chan for condolences and visit graves, along with memorial services so that the late Kioi-chan can safely practice Buddhism and reach enlightenment and nirvana, as well as a way of life that returns the favor to the late Kio-chan.

Kawaguchi Hidetoshi Gassho

To Ee-chan

Is it still more towards Toyama
There is a trend of few.
However, I feel that the trend is increasing.

As the shape of the family changes
There have been various changes, such as relationships with relatives
I recognize that it is an expression.

There is a saying “I wanted to say goodbye at the end”
By all means, that feeling was cherished
How about asking at a later date? Gassho