I'm in a relationship with someone with a mental illness

Hello. There is something I would like to discuss and I will post it.
Right now, I'm dating someone I don't like. I was strongly approached by my partner, saying that they really liked me. They were reliable people who could easily talk about things they couldn't talk about with other people, such as talking about politics and society, so I thought it would be nice and we started a relationship.
I knew he was suffering from depression even before we started dating, but soon after we started dating, depressive symptoms continued, became manic, what I said changed drastically, stopped working, and I learned that mental symptoms had a big impact on my life.
He's 10 years older than me and he's very happy to have been accepted by me. Someone who doesn't have enough love from my family and I want to start a new family with me! I say it.
He's a very kind person, so it's pretty hard to say, but it's also hard to be thanked that he innocently rejoiced in the relationship and thanked him for being in a relationship with me and accepting the change in his mental state.
The sense of distance as a friend was the most comfortable for me, and even when I accepted his mental changes, I didn't want to marry him because he didn't really listen to me when I was worried and his life wasn't stable.
I think what he really needs is a loving mom and a male friend he can trust. I don't have either, so it's stifling to be looking for both of them from me at the same time.
What is more painful than anything else is that if I talk to him about this feeling, I'm sure he won't be able to fully accept it; in the end, it will raise distrust of people and make his illness worse, so I can't express my feelings.

I wanted to support him, but I don't think I want to support him as a girlfriend. I can't see a solution right now, and I almost hate him. I would be grateful if you could give me some advice. Thank you for your support.

4 Zen Responses

The shallower the wound, the better.

People can only live by supporting, acknowledging, and forgiving each other.
Also, if you are afraid of getting hurt or getting hurt, you cannot move forward.
The shallower the wound, the faster it heals.

It's your life

I have many relationships in my long life.

Right now, it's about him! You like it, don't you?

If so, isn't it kindness to convey true feelings without covering them up?

Wouldn't it be good for the two of them at this rate?

I also have a mental illness, and I understand his pain, and the magnitude of your existence,
I understand.

Why don't you take a proper look at his illness first?

It's fine.

You don't need to support him

Supporting him means not thinking about you trying to cure depression.
The problem lies within him. Being kind, you are the same. That's because I can think about him that much. However, as it is, if you worry about his problems as if they were your own, they will all fall apart.
Let's get him to treat depression. There is probably a distortion in how you perceive things, so you should go to a counselor and talk about it there.

Above all else, if you want to break up, please break up. He will suffer, but it's his problem.

Are you loved?

Hello.
I'm Shizuku Yuki, a counselor apprentice, female pro wrestler, and monk.

As far as I've heard about your concerns, I see Kao-san as a very kind person.

A kind person.
Maybe all the monks here are kind.
At least how many kind men have already answered.

Is being kind in love?

It is said that they want to support him who is depressed, unloved by his mother, and has no male friends, but what kind of things do you think he loves and why he doesn't have to be you?

> I think what he really needs is a loving mom and a male friend he can trust. I don't have either, so it's stifling to be looking for both of them from me at the same time.

↑ Please read this sentence carefully.
This is my own feeling as written by Kao-san.
Is he staring at Kao-san himself?

Incidentally, there are various opinions about depression, but the symptom is that you can't even do fun things yourself.
For example, going out, going out on a date, eating out... that's ridiculous.
If you're a medical school student, ask your friends and teachers for more information.

Does he want Kao-san?
Do you want a replacement for your mom?
Do you want someone who can listen to your concerns?
Do you want them to be male friends?

Incidentally, depression and mental illness may require family understanding and support, but in the end, you have to look after yourself.

Why don't you think about feeling that he loves you once again?

Please be a happy woman who is loved a lot!

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