perishing

I read it.
I think you're having a hard time.
Your life doesn't belong to anyone.
Nor is it your own.
I would like you to rest your mind a little now and heal both your mind and body.
And I want you to take good care of yourself.

I sincerely pray to the Buddha that you will properly accept the Buddha's guidance so that you can have peace of mind from now on.
And I'm just going to be quiet with Nembutsu.
Namu Amida Buddha Namu Amidabutsu

Please face the Buddha as well, and please be gentle with Nembutsu from the bottom of your heart.
Namu Amida Buddha Namu Amidabutsu

The Buddha will always guide you and save you.

I sincerely hope that you will continue to live comfortably and peacefully.

Good evening. I've also read the questions up until now, but I think there are still some things I haven't fully complained about.
Right now, there's a program called “The Human Body” on NHK, but as far as I've watched it, I don't really understand “It's Hard to Be Alive.”
I understand “I was hoping for this, but it's painful that it didn't come true.” However, it seems like a very normal thing, “there are painful things in being alive.”
In the previous question, it was written that “I gave up on marriage and children.” If so, it probably isn't the cause of the pain anymore.
When it comes to living with my father and older brother, I know that “I chose it because it has certain merits.” Another problem may arise, but I know how to get away with it anyway.
Are you thinking “I want to get away from everything at once”? I know if it's an electrical product, but humans can't do that. You can't reduce the pain to zero, but you can live by taking on the pain of “being able to do this.”
If so, can you live with that pain on your back? I think Buddhist wisdom can help you find it.
So, please ask me something again, even if it's something like “I don't really understand your place.” We look forward to seeing you.

appending
You read it right away, thank you.

“What is really painful is being alone” I see, it may have reminded me, but thank you for capturing and expressing it.
Regarding marriage and childbirth, it is said that the reaction of people at work is... but was it said by the person in question who intended to get married? Or maybe from anyone who is nice?

Well, my first answer felt like I was blaming you. Thank you for expressing that honestly. And I'm sorry. I have no intention of blaming you. But I'm sorry.

But I'll say it again.
“It's not that being alive is hard; there are times when you're alive”, right?
This is common to everyone living in this world. So, we can listen to stories and think about something together. I think so. There are also many questions and answers about “the pain of bereavement” in Hasunoha. Please read it.

　It was really painful in the depths of my heart. I don't know if the content is the same as many teachers, but the lives that were born to humans really don't belong to anyone. The reality is that they suffer even after being born human. I think it's important to listen to Buddhism in terms of how to get away from that suffering. There are mountains and valleys in life. Gassho

P.S. Namuamidabutsu never prays

Yoshiko-sama

This is Kawaguchi Hidetoshi.

The “suffering” that will strike one after the other... I wonder if this or that...

The beginning of the “Four Sacred Truths,” which are the four sacred truths that Shakyamuni first taught, was this “suffering”...

“The Dianfalun Sutra”
http://media.dalailama.com/Japanese/texts/Dharmachakra-Parivaretan-Sutra_JPN.pdf

Then, the 84,000 Dharma will be explained and shown as a way to destroy this “suffering.”

Among them, the cause and effect in order to move away from this reincarnation of “suffering” was revealed as the “twelve zodiac signs,” and it is detailed in the “Holy Inari Sutra.”

“Holy Inari Sutra”
http://media.dalailama.com/Japanese/texts/Sutra-on-Dependent-Origination_JPN.pdf

The Dharma is open to you too. It doesn't matter if it's little by little. By learning and practicing Buddhism, we both want to leave this cycle of hesitation and suffering.

I hope you can rely on Buddhism as your foundation.

Kawaguchi Hidetoshi Gassho

It seems that research results have shown that addiction is caused by excessive stress.
I think the reason you became addicted to shopping is due to excessive stress due to rants from your father or older brother.
So you're not responsible.
So don't blame yourself for your debts.
Also, they are probably in a state where they are almost crushed by loneliness after being widowed from their sister or mother. But both your sister and your mother have been watching over you since the Pure Land.
“Please don't lose to your older sister's father. I'm sorry I left you all alone.” “I'm sorry I wasn't able to raise Yoshiko so that she can live independently. I'm sorry I took away the opportunity to get married by just taking care of them.” Maybe they are lamenting in the Pure Land like that.
Is that OK?
Why don't you reassure your sister or mom?
Why don't you reassure them and become a Buddha?
“My sister, mom, and I won't lose to my dad, brother, or anyone with a bad personality at work, so don't worry. Keep a close eye on my way of life from the Pure Land.”
Please encourage yourself in that way.
We're rooting for you too.
If you want to talk to someone without email, there are also various telephone consultations, so even if it's not a consultation, it's fine if it's just a normal chat, so please call us. (There are various telephone consultations written on the introduction screen of my temple, so please take a look)
You're not alone.

appending
Being mentally unstable means being in such a difficult situation. There's nothing wrong with you. Rather, they are doing their job a lot. That's a good thing to be confident about.
If you're lonely and struggling at home at work, take a look at your palm.
My thumb is my mom. The little finger is you.
You (little finger) are facing this way, aren't you?
But your mom (thumb) is always looking at you.
Even when your mother left this world, she has been watching over you the whole time.