I don't really understand myself

Nice to meet you.

Recently, I've been wondering what I'm living for and whether it's worth living.

I moved away from my parents' house and have been living with him since October, with whom I have been in a relationship for about half a year.
I quit the company I worked for in August, and until now I'm shamefully unemployed and have been supported by him.
We started living together with a promise that the two of us would live while cooperating with money, etc., but as a result, my new job wasn't decided, and I was indebted to him, his parents, and my parents' house a little bit.
I got sick just when I was thinking about going to a new place for an interview, and now I've recovered quite a bit, but I haven't been able to pay properly, and I'm still causing trouble and worry to others, which is very painful.
He and his parents say, “You don't have to be impatient,” “you should work hard from the beginning of the year,” and “they've done the housework properly,” etc., but it's certainly burdensome and painful. There is also myself who is so spoiled by those words that I have become lazy.
Actually, I want to return the favor, and I think I want to do something more, but I can't act well.

Gradually, I began to think about what I was living for when I was only causing useless nuisances...
There are times when I feel alone even though I know I can't be alone even though I have a family member or boyfriend who cares about me.

Until now, I've been doing relaxation work to heal people. Eventually, I wanted to open my own store so that I could heal not only people's bodies but also minds.
But now I feel like I'm getting farther and farther away from there, and I'm in a state where I can't stand it even though I want to do something more for someone. There's no way I can do it even though my heart isn't healthy...
Somehow it's hanging in the air.

I'm sorry for the long sentence because it didn't come together.

4 Zen Responses

You're having a great time

That thought and experience came in handy when opening a store.
In order to heal the hearts of our customers, experiencing similar feelings myself is very strong and gives me confidence.

Your very existence is important

Some of them are probably relieved that you are living with him, and it may also be a happy thing for your parents. The people around you are probably more supported than you think.

Marriage will also be in view in the future. Above all else, don't think about anything superfluous, and the first step is to get in shape. Isn't it okay to feel safe without worrying about the future? If you can work, you should work.

I'm sure he thinks so too.

Your current physical condition is who you are now. Housework is also a place of activity.

Your current physical condition is your current ability.
It becomes difficult when you try to do more than you are capable of.
In the world, there are probably many people who suffer because they cannot forgive their low abilities.
It's just that people who were popular when they were young are worried about not being dealt with by the opposite sex in middle age, but when viewed from someone else's point of view, they just became unpopular for their age.
You're not feeling well right now. If you look at it from someone else's point of view, isn't it normal that you can't earn money right away because you're not feeling well?
But if you can do housework, it should help your boyfriend.
Once you get married, you can become a full-time housewife. Earning money isn't the only way to be “active.”

There is also an illness called a sense of responsibility and duty

Right now it's your job to do the best you can for him.
It's better to be pampered when you're sick.
To uselessly turn your heart in a bad direction in this way is called “getting sick.”
Happiness is the opposite state of mind.
Please make use of relaxation work at times like this.
When it comes to healing, it is important to reveal the heart that heals.
Whether it's dealing with someone or doing it to yourself, the healing energy is revealed. It will help you to strengthen yourself.
A sense of responsibility or obligation sometimes makes you suffer uselessly. It makes life less enjoyable.
Take a look at the results.
If the consequences of what you thought would be good for you were heartbreaking. There are many cases where that method, the Nozomi method itself, is wrong.

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