I'm at a loss.

　Megu-san. Hello. The guy I used to date is married, and I want to get back together, but he is in divorce mediation. I'm worried that I'm tired and can't even talk. hmm. My mentor was asked by an acquaintance to go to the conservatorship and the mediation committee, but it seems very tiring. In particular, when it comes to money and custody issues, both parties almost always don't settle down well, and it seems that they may get entangled in long battles that take 1 year or more. He works, goes to mediation, and doesn't make time to do it. Mediation committee members, judges, lawyers, etc. are also convenient, so it is difficult to make a schedule. Furthermore, individual discussions with the Mediation Committee. Meeting with a lawyer. If you don't do well, it could turn into a family trial. So I think it's very difficult to keep up with work. Do you feel like you're working two or three side jobs? Meanwhile, the burden of reminding emails from you has doubled, and I painfully understand the feeling of “being tired” and “talking after clearing.”
What is a divorce before you believe in him or not? What is mediation? If you're in your 40s, you should know. You should understand it. Put yourself in your opponent's shoes. Otherwise, you won't be able to build true happiness when you're with him.
Now I'm explaining about his wife and children, but I wanted this question to be asked before the mediation began. It can't be helped that it started. Since you will be together without being able to heal the other person's heartbreak, you must treat them more than twice as much while appreciating their feelings. You don't have to make up your mind. If you're in trouble, ask hasunoha a question. The monks, who are more wonderful than me, will help me.

The conclusion came out a long time ago in To-chan.
If he really wanted to do that, he would have been able to shake off the family with To-chan a long time ago, roll over to your place ❝ recon ❞, and use Osaekon ❝ sicon ❞ (remarriage) to repel his surroundings.
You can't do it either. It was thought that Korya was a convenient woman, so I kept it vague for 12 years.
But what? Marrying a woman you don't even like for money? what? You still haven't come to a conclusion after 12 years of infidelity? half serious, half cheating? neither of them are serious. You indecisive bastard, don't abandon him as the same man, be judged by Emma in Hell! It's Tokoro that I want to say.
Damn it, the person he loves the most isn't you, his wife, but himself.
Go do a quick poincho and find another rich man (lol)
(Please forgive me for incorporating humor to ease my feelings ('・ω・`)
Okay, conclusion. Even those of you who are half serious are indecisive.
If I were you, tell them this and that's all.
“The fact that you've been living with your wife for 12 years while I am here means that life with your wife is important. goodbye. If you think I'm important, please come to me by ○month○day.”
I'm going to lose your presence in him.
After that, he will draw his own conclusions.
You don't have the courage to throw him away, so they drag each other along. That's your responsibility.
Therefore, I'm going to kick it off. If you don't come by that date, you too will give up for your partner's child and your own child.
If you do this, they'll both just wait for self-destruction in a good sense.
As I mentioned at the beginning, since he is a dad a long time ago, he comes with options such as child support, alimony, debt repayment, visitation, and a path of jealousy thorns.
When he passed away, half of his inheritance went to Tokoro with his biological child... whoa, various problems broke out at some point. Whether this site has been in operation until then... ah, this was a Kochi issue, so it didn't matter
Conclusion “Love is love, but I have an eye to see through what that love is”
If it's nothing but obsession, attachment, or self-love with the intention of love, then it's stubbornness and love even if it's meant to be love.
If things go well and there is room, please give me about 200,000 to the management crisis management site. (half kidding, half serious)

Megu-sama

This is Kawaguchi Hidetoshi. This is my humble answer to the question.

12 years... honestly, lost time is irretrievable... Looking back on things from 12 years ago until now, there were a lot of things, but I have no small idea that this was made to wait, fiddle with, and be bogged down for too long...

For the better part, I thought about the following four options.

One is to keep believing in the other person and wait for an answer.

One is to separate the deadlines and clearly label them in black and white.

One is that if a question mark is already attached to the other person's feelings and various doubts cannot be dispelled, the relationship that is completely ambiguous will no longer be completely broken. Of course, clearly communicate that intention to both the other party and those around you. This is necessary so that the other party's divorce is actually finalized later and the relationship is pressured semi-forcibly.

One is to thoroughly investigate detective behavior, clarify the truth, and prepare future aftercare measures.

Of course, if any kind of damage or mental distress has occurred, I think a civil trial for compensation claims will also be necessary. I know that conduct investigations and evidence preservation are inevitable before this is necessary. If the criminal nature is questionable, treatment as a criminal case due to fraud etc. is also conceivable, but I know that it will be difficult in various ways in this case.

In any case, I don't know everything, but as far as I've seen, there is also a risk that you will get into some kind of trouble in the future, so it might be a good idea to discuss this doubt once again with your family, friends, acquaintances, etc. just in case. I know that various collaborations will also be necessary.

I think it is necessary to make courageous decisions or preparations here, both for your child and for yourself.

Mr. Megu, I pray for the happiness of your children.

* Regarding troubled male-female relationships such as infidelity or cheating from a Buddhist point of view, we have answered the question below with the title “Unholy Fornication,” so please refer to it if you like.

Question “To a friend who is worried about their spouse's affair...”
http://hasunoha.jp/questions/261

Kawaguchi Hidetoshi Gassho

I want them to understand the fluctuating heart of a woman and the pain and sadness of having to wait.

If you've been in a relationship for 12 years and have a firm connection with him, you have no choice but to believe and wait silently. If he had a loveless marriage, even if his love with you was real love... As long as he's married, you're nothing but an affair partner. It's painful, but it was a relationship after understanding. This can't be helped no matter what they say.

Have you stopped believing or waiting for him to the point where you have to investigate his behavior?

My honest feeling is that I don't have a relationship and I want you to forget about him and have a new love ~ I want you to be happy without being swayed around ◎

No matter what, if you want to be together, you have no choice but to keep quiet and be patient until you hear from him that your divorce has been finalized. The divorce is being mediated, so whatever the reason (even though the marital relationship has ended), your presence is disadvantageous to him. When it comes to trial, from his wife's point of view, it's the cause of divorce. They have had an affair over many years and are in emotional distress, and there are times when they are also claiming alimony from their husbands and affair partners. Don't forget it!

If you don't understand him, try to understand until you're satisfied.
Are you afraid of using a detective to uncover facts?
However, if you have an uneasy everyday life, it is better to set a tight balance.
I think it would be good if I could give an answer after that.