Is it OK to admit that I wasn't loved or wasn't loved

Admitting that I wasn't loved or loved by my parents made my suffering easier. isn't it wrong to think this way?

Until now, I've thought, “If you were a parent, you should be like this to your child, but my parents don't have that at all.” There is no end to the list of things I'm satisfied with, but it's a situation where everyone is surprised when I talk to people about my parents' response. Simply put, it means “indifference.” (Financially, they are moderately wealthy parents with moderate status and honor.)

Recently, I noticed that I looked at my parents with an argument that “parents should normally be like this,” and I couldn't acknowledge parents who are far apart.
Of course, based on what is considered normal in the world, my parents are not good parents. However, each of the parents is independent and lives their own way of life. (My mother is gone, but I have lived an independent life.)
It never bothered me or bothered me. (Although selfish)

Looking at the ultimate, I think “people don't live for someone else, they live to support their own lives.”
If you think about it from that point of view, I think what my parents did was also “that kind of way of life.”

When I let go of “should” and when I admit “I wasn't loved”
My emotional distance with my parents has moved away and it has become easier.
It's not about giving up or disappointment, but something like a grudge in my heart, and I feel that my obsession has disappeared a bit.

Think of it this way (?) Is feeling a good thing?

4 Zen Responses

It's fine if you give up without anger

I think that once you know the cause, you can accept the results.
I think it would be good if you could think that painful things happened due to parents' biased child-rearing methods, and that it wasn't your fault in the first place.

In Buddhism, anger and hatred are thought to be the cause of trouble and suffering.
Also, greed and obsession are causes of trouble and suffering.
So, letting go of anger at your parents who didn't give you love, and abandoning the obsession that “I wanted them to give you more love” can help reduce your own stress.
I think it would be good to move in that direction.

It's good to stop thinking about things you should

We are tormented by our right thoughts. Because I'm a man, because I'm a woman, because I'm an examinee, because I'm a kid...
A common thought of suffering is that “should” go around after everything.
However, there is no such thing as “should” in our lives. It's amazing that you noticed that.

Parents shouldn't “be” dealing with their children this way. I mean, your parents expressed it that way. It's not about how you compare yourself to other parents; they are your parents.

Whether there is love or not is something only the parents themselves know. It's not up to you to decide whether you have it or not. It would be nice if you could deliver love to others this time around, seeing “should” thinking as an opportunity to become independent from your parents after graduation.

Let's wake up to mercy rather than love

Looking at it with a diagram of “being loved” and “not loved,” is not a “proper argument,” but it is similar.
This will probably cause ups and downs and ups and downs in the heart.
Let's think that 42% wasn't loved but 58% loved.
If they weren't really loved, they would have let go.
They must have been abused or brought to the police. There are actually many such parent-child relationships.

Let's think, “It wasn't the form of love I wanted.”
It must have been “a lame expression of affection, but my parents loved me.”
I acknowledge my parents' imperfections.
No one was born to be good at showing affection.
They are selfish because they have received plenty of love.
True love can only be created by you now.
Isn't it the most important thing for you to fall in love with someone?
It doesn't have to be love.
Affirming human imperfections awakens a sense of mercy.
Please join us in activities to spread outpouring mercy.

Yes ^ ^)

Whether or not you can love your child depends on cause and effect, so of course there are parents who can't love their own children.
Of course, children suffer because of that, but by recognizing that their parents had no ability to love themselves or that they had no cause, it makes children feel better. For children who weren't loved by their parents, this is a very natural progression. Nothing good or bad.

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