Failure on the 49th

First of all, thank you for your hard work at the memorial service on the 49th.

As for your question, the memorial service itself is not an everyday thing, and most people are unfamiliar with it, so the funeral home usually gives you a list of necessary things and explains them carefully.
Even so, we monks explain the omission points each time, such as “Please do this.”

The urn may differ depending on the region and temple, but in my area, monks write the anniversary of death, common names, kakana, etc. with an oil-based pen on the back of the lid.
This is also something that funeral homes and family temples explain.

They say they left it on the grave, but maybe it's Shiraki's “Nobe's rank card”? In my area, there are two types of these: those that are left on graves and those that are placed on home altars.

But what is strange is that the family temple wasn't present at the time of the ossuary?
Normally, I think it's about chanting sutras or explaining the meaning of such things...

Either way, these aren't your mistakes, and your grandfather won't get angry.
Close your eyes and imagine your grandfather's face. Does that face look angry?

A memorial service is something you really care about for the other person, so I think it's important that you care about your grandfather.

Please keep your hands together for tea, water, and rice until 100 days and turn them around.
Also, living a positive and energetic life without forgetting the blessings and teachings you received from your grandfather during your lifetime is the best memorial service, and I think this is something only you, the bereaved family, can do.

Hello. My name is Kameyama Junshi.

As for the answers to individual matters, * there are customs etc. of the land, etc., so I myself will refrain from answering them, but I myself often hear from bereaved families during funerals and annual memorial services, “We don't understand anything.” “I think there was something bad about it.” There are times when words like that are used. What I said then was, “You don't have to get used to this kind of thing. I don't like the fact that there was a funeral a month ago or six months ago.” I'm saying that. Of course, the feeling that I want to properly organize funerals and annual memorial services for the deceased is precious. However, the most important thing is to act on them in good faith. Even if a memorial service etc. can be performed without a hitch, if it is a formal one, then there is no point in a funeral or memorial service.

These are my answers. Please keep thinking of your grandpa and put your hands on the Buddhist altar.

*For example, even if you take one method of ossuary, it may be different in neighboring regions, and even in the same area, it may differ depending on the funeral director, etc. Previously, when cremations and funerals were performed as substitutes, they said, “In this area, only bereaved families and funeral directors perform ossuaries, so please wait here.” There was a time when I was told that. If you say that, that's until I myself follow it.

I read it.

I think everything I've read is your fault.
Please don't worry!
It would be nice if each had guidance and advice from the funeral director or family temple.
What's more, my grandfather never got mad at that kind of thing. I'm sure they'll be watching over you kindly! Please don't worry!

Please talk to the family temple about future Buddhist rituals; there may also be regional characteristics and the family temple's policies, so please take your time and discuss them!

By the way, it's all a common occurrence. Don't worry about it!

I think it would be nice if I could learn it little by little from now on! I'm sure your grandfather will always be watching over you kindly.

　Thank you for your question. The memorial service on the 49th was tough, wasn't it? It's really painful when you have such a feeling of failure; even we monks make mistakes a lot.
Even if the funeral director says, “Please bring this,” it doesn't necessarily mean that the funeral director is right, and I'm sure it's an ossuary, but I don't take my portrait with me. My denomination doesn't use a license plate, so I'm offering the name of the Dharma.
It's an ancestors' urn, but it's fine if they are buried together, but it's fine if you cover it with a small cloth, and I think it's okay to be buried in a private urn if you wish.
I think it's fine if you don't have a place at the funeral, but my thought is that rather than holding a memorial service for my deceased grandfather, it's more important for me to feel through the death of my deceased grandfather. I think it is important for the many people who prayed on the 49th to feel grateful. I really feel like the 49th went right. Gassho

Failure on the 49th
Yesterday, I successfully finished my grandfather's 49th memorial service and ossuary ceremony.
It was also my first memorial service,
I'm worried that I've failed a number of times.

(1) The funeral director told me to bring my seat plate and urn on the day, and I didn't bring my portrait, but there was a place to display my portrait on the altar.

(2) There was no name in my grandfather's urn. I saw my ancestors' urns at the ossuary ceremony and learned that names etc. could be engraved on them. If I had known, I would have let them in...

(3) At the end, I headed to the funeral and had dinner with all my relatives, but I left my most important grandfather's place on his grave. I went to pick it up on my way home, but it was a ridiculous blunder.

Even if I regret it, I can't fully regret it, and I feel sorry for my grandfather.
Is there anything we can do?