I blame my husband for not feeling compassion for his baby.

We got married this spring and soon had a child.
I'm now 18 weeks pregnant.

I don't think my husband is really interested in babies.
I've never been told that I want to see Echo photos, and I don't read books given to me by public health centers or hospitals for my father to read in preparation for childbirth.

I know you're busy with work.
My job is supervisory work. Since it's a powerful school, they practice without a break, and the husband himself is an active player.
I think it's great that they are caring for students and nurturing them with care, and I support them as much as I can.

But at home, they only talk about competitions, and they don't even read the book I talked about earlier... they almost never listened to me...

Rubella is now spreading in the Kanto region, and the area where I live or where my parents' house is located hasn't spread yet, but since I don't have antibodies, I'm careful enough to cancel going home using the bullet train because it's dangerous.
But my husband, who often goes on business trips to Kanto, doesn't care even though he doesn't have enough antibodies.

Even if I ask you to wear a mask, gargle, and wash your hands,
“I can't wear a mask while I'm at work (during a game). I can't even have a social gathering.”

It's work, so I understand it can't be helped.
However, even though masks are not prohibited by law, it should be possible to talk about the circumstances and have them wear them, and not attend the social gathering this time.

This person only cares about his career and his students
I've come to think that it doesn't matter about me or the baby.

Even though they asked them to return as soon as possible from the social gathering, they answered that they didn't like it, and it seems that they stayed until it finally opened.

It's work, so it can't be helped.
I know that.
I understood and got married.

I had put up with it until now, but I couldn't put up with it anymore because of the rubella this time, and I blamed my husband.
Too uncaring.
You think it would be nice if only you were good.

this kind of emotion isn't good for a baby
I don't even want to blame my beloved husband.

What should I do to calm my mind?
How can I make my husband understand?

3 Zen Responses

You can take horses to the waterside, but you can't make them drink water

I read it.

I understand very well that you have deep feelings for the baby that is about to be born. My husband
If you imagine it, you still don't really understand what it feels like, do you think?

However, it is necessary to have them cooperate when it comes to rubella. Cooperate with antibody tests
I think you got it. If they don't cooperate with masks or hand washing and gargling,
Is vaccination impossible? Depending on the local government, vaccinations for spouses
There are also places that provide assistance.

Isn't there no choice but to be persistent in talking? Taking a horse to the waterside
Even if you can do it, you can't make them drink water. I want them to be more interested in babies
I understand the deep feeling of hope, but I hope you don't rush too much.

Only you can experience you

To give them compassion and kindness, you have to give them a place where they can be given. It's about making time for the husband to spend time with his children.
However, your husband is progressing at the same time as changes in your life, and your husband also has a husband's life.
Men who have a hard time at work have finally come home from work and are helpless, but are they still feeling like taking a break at home? is there one? Something I have to do...! Seriously, bad luck. There are many men who get sick when they are driven into a state called...
In the first place, there is also a problem with the black system of Japanese companies. There is also a problem with the Japanese system, where work during the rest period does not decrease even when it is called child-rearing leave. First, let's understand your husband's situation with compassion and kindness.
Do you know what kind of situation your husband is in, what kind of companies, what kind of bad bosses he has, and what kind of hardships he has?
Motilon, you are in a very difficult situation right now.
It's a good idea to use a method that will save you, and your husband will love your child.
Let your husband take a bath as much as possible.
If you miss the right moment, your child will cry if it's not their mother.
Otherwise, men will never understand the reality of being a father, and the father will not be affectionate with the child and will leave it up to the mother. In other words, it is important that the mother completely entrusts her child to the father. My wife's mom friend said, “I can't entrust my kids to my husband, I can't leave them.” There is a person who says that. Eventually, the burden on the person himself increases, and the marital relationship worsens just as complaints and bad words against her husband increase.

Skin-to-skin contact creates a situation where you can't do anything without a mother, the fact that you are the father of this child, and in order to bring out paternity with the child, it is natural to say that the bath is a father first.
At first, it doesn't matter if it's about an hour, so ask for someone to stay home.
Men don't give birth on their own, so no matter what, they don't feel like they are fathers. It is best not to use body soap when taking a bath. Modern people wash too much and wash away even the moisturizing ingredients necessary for babies, making the skin weak. Ethnic groups that live outside don't need body soap or shampoo. Don't weaken your child's skin by unknowingly washing too much. If your doctor recommends antibiotics, try not to let them take them. The indigenous bacteria in the body die, atopic dermatitis develops, and people suffer for the rest of their lives.

Men don't really understand, even if they're fathers.

I feel like I understand Pii-san's concerns.
You've said a lot of things, and that's absolutely true.
Actually, my eldest daughter gave birth to her first daughter in February this year.
In the meantime, although the situation was slightly different, we had similar problems, and of course we were worried and supported. I was also worried about rubella.
Then it was almost time, and although it was a little late, I was moved and delighted when I gave birth safely.

I understand Pi-san's feelings for her husband, but let's not just blame her now, but let's relax a little more, as Pii-san herself is good prenatal education for the sake of the child that will be born. Worries and complaints are also quite stressful for the baby in the womb.

Also, I think it's true that men don't know what to do when it comes to childbirth. You can feel that Pii is growing more and more in her stomach, but even if she is a father, you can't. It sounds cold, but I think it's true.
But no matter what time it is, I suddenly think, “I'm going to be a parent too.” I hope to be born healthy even if I don't say it every time.
So don't make too many demands on your husband. For that reason, please enjoy talking with the baby in your stomach.
I'm not complaining, it was like this today. Please enjoy talking to your husband.
Right now, I'm single, but once I'm born, that will be the next stage. Please do what you can while you are alone.
I pray for a safe delivery.

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