What should I work hard for first?

I read it.

Let's start by doing what we can.

A lot of things have happened since you were a teenager.

Bullying → truancy → high school dropout → withdrawal → going to psychiatrist → part-time job or quitting
However, I'm not living a lazy life. It seems that the trigger was bullying,
There's no need to blame yourself for that. I decided to get out of my withdrawal by going to a psychiatrist quickly
It was a quick success, too. That's great.

It's my personality,
I can't really trust people, I don't have any friends, I quickly reverse day and night, I'm spoiled by [not motivated], I can't do my best, I can't control or put up with it, my pride is high
That doesn't mean things like that are bad. Personality is individuality. Everyone has a variety of personalities, and each one has
It's precious. The pros and cons are two sides of the same coin.

It's also conceivable that your heart is weak, and are you still being treated by a psychiatrist?
One way is to get help from a new drug that works against day and night, such as Roselem.

What do you work hard for doesn't mean working hard so that your part-time job lasts a long time?
There is no need to self-diagnose yourself on the internet and feel depressed if you are a social misfit.
Also, in general, the grass next door looks blue, so there's no need to compare them.

Don't you have a firm way of thinking about death and filial piety?
I think parents are happiest when you work and become independent.

The four truths (I want to) are the four truths that are the foundation of all teachings in Buddhism.
1) Suffering (suffering). There is always suffering in life.
2) Gather (gather). The cause of suffering in life is inner distress.
3) Extinction (rarely). When afflictions are destroyed, worries and suffering are destroyed.
4) Doward (what do you want). There is actually a method for destroying worry to destroy worry and suffering, or controlling worry and suffering by controlling worry.

It is difficult to destroy worries, but anyone can control their worries and control their worries, suffering, and stress.
First, believe it.

Also, the self is a concept without substance; cells are changing more and more, and the body is a new object every day. Let's think that my heart floats up and disappears moment by moment, and that I am a new me every second.

Hello.
There is a way of thinking about the “middle way” in Buddhist practice.
The story is as follows.

An elder had a son named Schrona. His parents taught him to learn the Wiener (one of the stringed instruments), which he could learn while sitting. It means that hair grew on the soles of his feet when he didn't even walk.
Growing up, Shrona realized that this was no good, became a monk and became a disciple of Shakyamuni. Schrona followed other practitioners and worked hard at meditating. However, that hard work was excessive for him.
Since ancient times, when meditating, repetitive walking is called a sutra (kinshin). It was such a difficult penance that it was impossible to practice for Schrona, who had hardly walked until now, even if it was a sutra where there was no particular problem for a general practitioner. The softened soles of his feet couldn't bear the passage of time. The bottom of my foot is torn and bleeding, and it's not time to meditate. “I'm working hard like everyone else, but it just hurts. “Let's just stop it,” he thought.
Knowing Shrona's determination, Shakyamuni went to him and asked him the following questions.
“Schrona, before you became a monk, were you a master wiener for string instruments?”
When Shrona answered “yes,” Shakyamuni said
“Schrona, did Wiener play a good sound when the strings were too tight?”
When Shrona answered “no,” Shakyamuni also said,
“Schrona, did Wiener play a good sound when the strings were too loose?”
Once again, Schrona will answer “no.” So Shakyamuni
“Well then, it's Schrona. Did the Wiener play a good sound when the strings weren't too tight or too loose, and were in just the right condition?”
Schrona answered, “That's right.” Soon, Shakyamuni will teach.
“It's exactly the same thing, Schrona. Excessive effort devotion makes the heart feel excited, and if effort devotion is too little, it leads to slack off.”
(Excerpt from “True Buddhism” by Takayasu Suzuki)

Instead of suddenly thinking about “some kind of work,” I think it's about first trying something that's reasonable for you now. For example, improving day-night reversals. I think it's about stepping up little by little.

Hello. My name is Kameyama Junshi.

“It's no good in the current situation, so I just have a feeling that something must be changed, and I can't take action.” So, what is the reason we are unable to take action? “When I was a teenager, I only thought about my present and lamented, but I did it, but now I have to live more properly and properly in terms of age,” but maybe this impatience is preventing them from taking action. You've also gone from your teens to your 20s, and you're thinking a lot. But why don't you focus on who you are right now? In Buddhism, they teach us that “everything is connected.” In other words, it's a luckiness teaching. My own self will eventually connect for others.

That's my answer. I would be happy to help you even a little bit.