My monk warned me to be careful about my boyfriend.

I went to the memorial service for my grandfather's 7th anniversary today.
The monk was my uncle's high school classmate, and since my grandfather passed away, he has been coming every time for memorial services.

When the monk comes home today, he says, “Be careful.” I was told, what!? When asked, they separated from everyone and became two, and they said things like, “Be careful with men, look properly and decide on a man, you're lonely and then use it in a way that's good if your partner finds out, that's because being loved is different from being used in a good way.”

I was in a relationship with my current boyfriend during the summer memorial service, and today I was told that for the first time.
What did your relatives say? I was asked, and when I answered it as it was, I was told that my current boyfriend had an affair, and even though we had been in a relationship for 3 years when my previous boyfriend was, they hadn't said anything.

In what sense did the monk pay attention to me?
Does that mean I should break up with my boyfriend sometime?

I love my current boyfriend.
Certainly, I'm lonely, and I want them to be loved because I want them to meet you right away.
My current boyfriend goes to a nearby university, lives alone, and lives in the immediate vicinity, about 5 minutes by car, so I went to see him right away.
If I don't study, I'm close enough to meet Akan, so I'll go see her.
My parents don't seem to think well about it because they're playing too much, and I compare it to my previous boyfriend telling me to study properly.
My current boyfriend also told me, but since it's close enough to meet him, I ended up going to see him.

My boyfriend was completely unrestrained, and he usually allowed me to go on trips with my male friends.
There's nothing wrong with it at all, but I'm not jealous at all, so I feel like I'm being left alone, but when I meet them, they are kind and take care of me as usual, so I try to think that they are that kind of person.

The story got messy,
Please tell me what the monk meant by reminding me to be careful.
I'm sad to be told about someone I love.
What should I do?

5 Zen Responses

Hello. I'm sorry for having such a rude monk. You won't know this until you confirm it with the person himself. It's not the best thing to just imagine that it might be ah or this.

Your deceased grandfather will keep an eye on you, but I don't think he'll say that to the monk. (I'm not trying to influence anything in this world). Please don't worry. Buddhism is negative about the existence of spirits, and I can't see or talk about spirits.

Doesn't it mean to discern

I read your question.

It's painful for other people to say this and that about someone you love.

Well, it is said that the monk told me to be careful this time, but I'm not saying break up or stop doing it in such a negative sense.

When I read the question, I feel like they're saying, “Make a proper assessment and marry someone who really loves Kae-san.”

That monk probably doesn't know much about Kae-san's boyfriend either. I don't think it's possible to make irresponsible statements such as “break up” or “stop it” in such a state.

However, it seems like you've known Kae-san for a long time.
So, I think it was just a general statement saying, “Don't get caught by a bad man who tries to take advantage of Kae-san, and determine if he is a man you really love.”

Having someone who cares about you is precious and thankful.

While referring to that advice, please deepen your relationship with your current boyfriend and check if he really loves you!

I'm praying that Kae-san will meet her best partner.

They were probably consulted by relatives.

　I think that monk was consulted and advised by parents and relatives, but if you ask me, listen to the opinions of both parties! I want to say that to the monk. I am concerned about any trivial matter that is said by someone in authority. If you're not convinced, you should go to that monk's temple with that boyfriend. Let's ask them to make a firm decision with that. I think that monk is responsible for that.

Isn't that a selfish assumption

　Thank you for your question. I think it's better to make judgments based on selfish assumptions. After all, as a monk, it's really important to be able to properly respond to consultations and feel at ease. Gassho

They probably told them that “parents and relatives are worried”

My parents don't seem to think well about it because they're playing too much, and I compare it to my previous boyfriend telling me to study properly.
＞
I'm a little older than your parents, and since my child was a college student until a while ago, I think there are many parts I can sympathize with your parents. Since Tokae is aware that “we meet frequently and my studies have been neglected,” I think her parents are worried too. They talked about how worried they were to their relatives, and it was conveyed to the monk, and the monk also became a little worried, and probably called out to Kae-san.

If you look at it from Kae-san's point of view, it might be “annoying advice.” The impression I received from the question was that he was a “kind monk.”

If you get carried away by love, sometimes you can't see the negative parts of your boyfriend. Even if you can see it, there are times when you don't dare to look at it. Till I get tired of it, it's a general theory, but “it adjusts the time according to my own wishes and convenience. → I neglected my work and study, and was only enthusiastic about socializing with the opposite sex.” “Don't bind me, she frees me → there were other girlfriends. There are also more than a few cases where “it was bifurcated.” It definitely doesn't mean that Kae-san's boyfriend fits into these cases. Even though it's a general theory, I think it would be uncomfortable to be told something like this. People around me don't want that to happen either. But the people around me are probably worried. I'm worried too. I don't think the monk's advice to “look properly and decide on a man” is definitely wrong. It would be nice if my boyfriend was really nice. But sometimes it's also necessary to keep calm and socialize.

If it's a drama or novel, “The Woman Who Throws Everything and Lives in Love” is depicted beautifully and nicely. But in the real world, if you make a mistake, you could be called a “bad couple.” I think it's also necessary to “balance love, work, and study” to reassure parents and those around them.

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