About the future of my life at the age of 25

I know how heartbroken you may be when you feel shortness of breath at graduate school, where you probably quit your job and face a backseat. On top of that, I can't imagine a happy future with him, even in a marriage that's supposed to be a happy one. When it comes to weddings, Sumo Momo's poor health may have had an effect at least somewhat, and he may have his timing.

You may not be able to forgive yourself for not feeling like taking on challenges, such as putting effort into everything until now and continuing to work on entrance exams, employment, etc. However, it is necessary for people to rest so that they cannot continue to stay asleep. There's nothing wrong with not feeling like taking on the challenge. Rather, it's a necessary break period.

Until now, it must have been difficult to do things at your own pace at school, work, and graduate school. Go ahead, just take a moment. Please enjoy life at your own pace all over your body. When you feel that you've enjoyed it to the fullest, hope for the future should be right in front of you.

We were able to share this place through our thankful Buddha relationship, so please continue to make full use of this place. Also, I believe that there must be a brighter path ahead of Sumo Momo's destination than ever before.

http://hasunoha.jp/questions/100
For now, forget about the psychological trap you got from your doctor.
You can't name your heart. This is because the mind is constantly changing.
Until when can we call the snow that can be explained snow?
If the name of the disease calms you down, that's fine, but what I recommend is that you were probably in that kind of state of mind at the time, but every day and anytime, you're not in the same state, so don't be fooled by the doctor's words ♠
Also, you have one special skill.
I'm good at making innerwear and innerwear.
It's about making good use of that inner, inner state of mind.
It is said that thinking is an introvert, but those people are closer to having a clear mind called enlightenment if they practice Zen meditation. This is because their ability to look within themselves is usually higher than that of humans. It's an advantage.
From now on, I'm going to ❝ objectively observe that power “what I'm thinking” objectively ❞.
×I was always in a state where I was “I thought about this kind of thing, oh, dark, me”
◎ From now on, “I thought of this kind of thing, and that thought has already disappeared”
◎ “Oh, I started to think again... ... This thought that has disappeared is something that comes out naturally when it comes into contact with relationships. It looks like I'm doing it, and my brain is doing it. If you don't touch it, it seems like it will go away on its own.”
It's about creating a brain that isn't controlled by images, such as watching the process of one's own thoughts beginning to occur and disappearing.
You may think it's something you're recalling, but thoughts come automatically. There is nothing good or bad about that thought itself.
Then, from now on
◎ I began to notice that “I was always in a state where thoughts were always aroused, but there seems to be a state where those thoughts don't come up at all.”
If you do that, you can clearly differentiate between the world where A is inner, the world of fact that deviates from your thoughts B, and the state where your feelings have gone outward.
It seems difficult to explain it this way, but the eyes, ears, nose and tongue, and body are not always innerwear, and they touch on facts outside before the mind is involved.
Please try zazen with your boyfriend at our temple.
I can't convey it in 1000 characters. I'll tell you something that will help you for the rest of your life.

That's right ~ I wonder if there aren't many things I want to try right now.
It's not that it's not good for anything. I just haven't found anything suitable yet.

What kind of relationships did your college friends have when they got a job?
There may be other jobs where you can make use of the fields you've learned at university ~ why not get in touch with your friends?

Do you live with your parents? If I live alone, I probably have a life, so I have to find a job where I can do something right now. If you live together, why don't you start looking for a job you can enjoy from a part-time job?

I have a feeling that marriage is also in a different direction from him ⁉ ︎... Something like your anxiety may be causing them to pass by. He probably has a good understanding, so why don't you talk to him? I'm sure it will help ◎

It's been 3 years since I graduated. You may feel more and more impatient, but this is after slowly getting better ◎
It's fine if it's a part-time job (*^_^*) Let's keep going. I'm sure the number of friends you can talk to there will also increase ♬

Sumo Momosama.
My name is Tetsuya Urakami from Nagomi-an, thank you for your support.

The year I entered college, the bubble burst.
By the time I graduated, it was a tough world to get a job, but I think it was still better compared to today. I think the hardships faced by students who have graduated in recent years are enormous.

In such a situation, Momomo struggled with relationships at the company she joined, and she couldn't get used to it even at the graduate school she went on to. You're deeply worried about whether to study abroad or get married.

The first thing I want to tell you is that I want you to make your own decisions about your future career path. It's good to consult and listen to opinions, but I want you to be prepared to make your own decisions by simply listening as a reference.

One more thing is important.
It said, “If you don't want to be where you like,” please don't say that. There's no such thing as not being good for anything. Being alive is not a waste.
I want them to be prepared to live even if it's hard.

Please be prepared for that, and if you are unsure or worried, please contact us again.
I'd like to hear how you feel.

Sumomo is 25 years old and still young.
It's like a mass of possibilities.
What kind of life did I live when I was 25
I also left university, and nearly 5 years had already passed since I entered the monk register.
I was like that, but after spending my savings, I left Japan for about a year,
I was on a wandering trip from India and Pakistan to Europe.

I have a close friend in Spain
I've also been rolling around there for a long time.
I used the word “wandering,” but the essence is not wandering.
Wandering is a trip with no destination and no goal.

But I had a home to go back to.
My parents live at my parents' house in Japan.
I have gained so many things through this journey.
It also guided my mentality.

It seems that they are also thinking about getting married,
In your current situation, that choice may be a bit difficult (^^)
I thought in writing that they might be complying with each other's intentions...

I think it's great that you're in graduate school.
Like coming to the lab without getting used to it
An environment where even one person can immerse themselves in research since it's not an undergraduate school,
Can't you make one...?

They are despised for not being suited to anything, but that's fine.
The path to becoming a researcher that is standing right now may not be able to be imitated by others.
There's probably no need to get down to it and immerse yourself in research.
I think searching for a topic I want to do is also research.

If you have Asperger's, I think it's worse.
Leave the doctor's diagnosis as a diagnosis,
It's just that I'm a little excited about the future of my life.

Maybe it would be a good idea to move away from where you are now.
It's something I always think about, but I'm always just subjective.
Even if you think you have to have objectivity, it's extremely difficult to take it there yourself.
I think subjectivity is something that ultimately bothers me.

At times like that, I read Buddhist books.

If you're among friends, whether you rest, stand, go, or travel,
I can always be called out to people.
Aim for independence and freedom without being subordinate to others, and just walk alone like a rhinoceros horn.
“Sutta Nipata (Sutra Collection)” 40th

Wouldn't it be a little easier... (^_^)

Sumo Momo-sama

This is Kawaguchi Hidetoshi. This is my humble answer to the question.

“Asperger's Syndrome”... I read about your illness once again in the Wikipedia explanation. There are various degrees of symptoms, so I can't say it unequivocally, but I think it's important not to take it too negatively and adjust it so that you can make use of it as one of your individuality, as Sumo Momo herself said. However, I know that in order to make use of that individuality, understanding, cooperation, and support from those around you, in other words, various “relationships” will also be necessary.

At graduate school, have you talked to the professor in charge and seminar students about your illness and understood them?

If the cause of truancy is “not getting used to it,” it may be because people around you don't understand it. I don't know the details of the research, but if you continue in the future, maybe you can discover something important that is useful to everyone, or even save everyone, or be able to put it into practical use, or even winning a Nobel Prize is not a dream (laughs)

As is the case with the “Bodhi Heart” (heart that seeks enlightenment) in Buddhism, I know that it is one way to raise motivation, motivation, and motivation toward a goal by thinking “for others” and “for all.”

Also, it is important to notice your “own existence” that is supported by everyone around you, such as a boyfriend or part-time job that you understand, and your “own existence” that you have now due to countless “relationships,” and it is also necessary to be aware of your illness and be supported without hesitation. Also, it is good if you also support someone else and return it.

Whether it's “getting a job, studying abroad, getting married and strengthening yourself, or continuing to go to graduate school...”, of course, each one is very difficult. Whether the problem is difficult, whether you run into difficulties, or if you lose your way, I know that it is important to notice the existence of “yourself” who “supports” and “helps each other” and make adjustments so that we can overcome them.

With this, I was able to answer three of your questions. Please don't be too pessimistic or empty.

Kawaguchi Hidetoshi Gassho