I have a question

Good evening.

I was born as a temple child and raised as the temple's heir, but that made it hard to breathe, so I left home as soon as I graduated from high school. I went to college and got a job.
But in the end, I came back to the temple. It was the result of various circumstances overlapping, but I think it was the best act of filial piety I could do.

I value the phrase “Japanese face love language” (kind face and kind words).
Also, I had in mind the phrase “if you eat poison until you eat a plate” in the sense of “do your best,” but when I looked it up now, it seems that this phrase is only used for evil. I was misusing it. It seems that “if you do it, do your best” is “step on the tail and go all the way to your head” (laughs).

I'm a monk from home

If you train to the point where you can wear that black kimono
There is no doubt that you can become a person with a great personality
I've wanted to be a monk since I was young (about kindergarten)
but the girl gave up even though she was a child if she couldn't become a monk
Because they came of age, became members of society, and were born
If you don't practice ascetic practices, what will be your last regret
I decided to become a monk without any future and have reached the present
I wonder if there was a major incident in my life, or a turning point
There are no episodes I can talk about
People around me say that he became a monk due to so many circumstances
It seems like it's being thought
I really liked it and became a monk

Sometimes I talk to my childhood self
Who is my adult self
Were you able to become the monk of your dreams when you were a kid? with

I was mentally ill when I was in high school. I felt like I shouldn't trust people called people. I couldn't understand my classmates' values at all, and I wasn't quite convinced by what my teacher said or what was written on TV or in newspapers.
So, since I entered the dorm and left my parents, I began to listen to books about my worries about not being able to hit anyone else when I was lonely. These are ancient Chinese ideas such as Laozhuang thought, historical records, and Sun Tzu. Then he said, “Look, that's true after all! You think so!” There were only things I could sympathize with.

But in the end, he said, “Look, that's true after all! After all, modern society is wrong!!” Like that, I became more and more lonely. I hated people back then. Not limited to others.

Incidentally, at that time, I really hated career guidance time, and I wrote “I don't have the freedom to choose a job” on my prints and submitted them.

Well, he was such a weird guy (← can I say it in the past tense?) After entering college, I tried a part-time job on the recommendation of my older sister. That was another horrible part-time job, and while working as a student part-time worker for 3 years, I was appointed as a department leader of about 20 people, planned and executed human resource development from formulating sales targets, and furthermore, I was (forced) to manage consumables for the entire store by myself. Well, that part-time job was also sandwiched between the increasingly heavy responsibilities of my part-time job and my graduation thesis, so I was sick and couldn't quit in a convenient way.

But I noticed it when I was working part-time. We all learn one value of the store, work hard toward the same goal, scold each other, follow up, and encourage each other. Well, my growth was recognized and it was a career path. Tears overflow while watching juniors who shared their hardships get career passes. I realized it when I wiped those tears away. “Oh, surprisingly, I liked human things...” and I thought even more like this. “Speaking of which, monks are in a position where they get involved in a much deeper part of a person's life, emotions, sorrow, and joy than what they're doing now. Isn't that actually a tremendous honor and something I'm extremely thankful for?”

So, I called my father and told him I would take over.

The words I cherish... there were so many that I forgot (← hey!)

There was a time when I was young and lived without hesitation in my own way of life. However, it became difficult to understand as I got older, and I had a connection with Buddhism. That's when. My way of thinking was completely destroyed by the Buddha's teachings. I was made to notice that my way of thinking up until now was lackluster, so I surrendered myself to the Buddha and became a monk. It really breaks my sleep.

“It's okay if it becomes defective, but it doesn't become a defective product” (laughs)

Gassho