The meaning of my husband's death
My husband died due to a medical error.
He was my one and only loved one.
I haven't been blessed with a family since I was a child, and I lived in hiding, being chased by debt collectors like I really saw on TV due to my father's debts. I got divorced when I was 6 years old and separated from my father, but my mother also gave up childcare due to alcoholism. I was mostly raised by my grandmother when I was in elementary school.
I didn't feel the love of my parents, but my mother had illnesses such as depression and epilepsy, so we lived together.
Meanwhile, my grandmother taught me from an early age, “The Buddha is always watching. I believe in the words “Because they help me in case of emergency,” and I intend to do my best to clean graves, perform memorial services, and whether my mother died or my grandmother passed away.
They put their hands together saying, “Thank you for always watching over me.”
Eventually, I also had someone to love, and after having children, I was finally able to have a family. I was finally able to calm my mind and feel love, but my husband passed away due to a medical mistake.
Why did the Buddha do this?
Are you telling me not to have someone to love?
Go on living alone. Are you saying that?
I believed my grandmother's words, reached out to people in need, and made donations. I intend to do what I can.
I don't want all of my wishes to come true.
I just didn't want to lose my one and only precious family. Aren't they also not listening to such wishes?
I've been having a hard time and feeling lonely since I was little, but I've put up with it. To create my own family. Having lost it, I don't know what to do now.
I can no longer believe in the Buddha I trusted. Also, my mother and grandmother, who passed away, said, “Why didn't you help me even though I've done so much!” It's hard not to let that thought go away either.