hasunoha

The meaning of my husband's death

My husband died due to a medical error.
He was my one and only loved one.

I haven't been blessed with a family since I was a child, and I lived in hiding, being chased by debt collectors like I really saw on TV due to my father's debts. I got divorced when I was 6 years old and separated from my father, but my mother also gave up childcare due to alcoholism. I was mostly raised by my grandmother when I was in elementary school.
I didn't feel the love of my parents, but my mother had illnesses such as depression and epilepsy, so we lived together.
Meanwhile, my grandmother taught me from an early age, “The Buddha is always watching. I believe in the words “Because they help me in case of emergency,” and I intend to do my best to clean graves, perform memorial services, and whether my mother died or my grandmother passed away.
They put their hands together saying, “Thank you for always watching over me.”

Eventually, I also had someone to love, and after having children, I was finally able to have a family. I was finally able to calm my mind and feel love, but my husband passed away due to a medical mistake.

Why did the Buddha do this?
Are you telling me not to have someone to love?
Go on living alone. Are you saying that?
I believed my grandmother's words, reached out to people in need, and made donations. I intend to do what I can.
I don't want all of my wishes to come true.
I just didn't want to lose my one and only precious family. Aren't they also not listening to such wishes?
I've been having a hard time and feeling lonely since I was little, but I've put up with it. To create my own family. Having lost it, I don't know what to do now.
I can no longer believe in the Buddha I trusted. Also, my mother and grandmother, who passed away, said, “Why didn't you help me even though I've done so much!” It's hard not to let that thought go away either.

1 Zen Response

What is Buddha's salvation

I read your consultation. I would like to express my sincere condolences for the death of my husband. Namu Amida Buddha

Your husband was the greatest support for Ryo-sama, who has gone through a lot of hardships since childhood. And there were words from my grandmother as teachings that supported Ryo-sama until and even after I met her husband who supported him.

> “The Buddha is always watching. Because they can help you in case of emergency.”

These words cannot be said to be wrong, and even if the Buddha doesn't exist, it doesn't mean that the Buddha made a mistake in his choice. Also, it's not like the ancestral spirit failed to become a Buddha and didn't help me.

However, I don't know if that will be conveyed to Ryo-sama now. Right now, I just want you to concentrate on facing your husband's death and embracing your own grief more than anything else. It doesn't matter if you blame the Buddha or curse him as a means of doing so. I think that's what the Buddha wants too.

Now, the Buddha is not the ruler of destiny or the creator of the world. A Buddha is a person who has awakened to the truth, and he preaches the truth. The beginning is a person called Buddha. As that teaching has been passed down, various Buddha statues can be considered, and there is also the teaching of “finding ancestors as Buddhas,” but what matters are common to these “Buddhas”

Can you teach me the truth (really important things)

That's it.

> “Can you help me in case of emergency”

I don't understand what your grandmother meant by this. However, salvation by the Buddha originally meant “by awakening to the truth, I am freed from what bound me and tormented me.”
Amidst various circumstances, we confine ourselves to our own thoughts and suffer ourselves. The Buddha's salvation is not about arranging circumstances. It's about awakening me to myself no matter what circumstances.

It's no longer possible to meet my husband like I did when I was alive. However, this does not mean that your husband is gone. From now on, I'm waiting for a fresh encounter with my husband, who will watch over me as a Buddha.
At that time, your grandmother's teachings may resonate with you again someday.

For now, let's just not overdo it and continue to share our sorrow. Also, please feel free to contact us at any time.