About parents' blessings and filial piety.

I read your question.

As you said, I hear many incidents of child abuse, etc. It's really sad.

Well, as the questioner said, if you've been treated very badly, then “I don't owe such a person!” Maybe it's no wonder that you think or feel like “even if I have a little bit of favor, I don't feel like repaying it.”

However, there is one important thing. It means “children choose parents and are born.”
Adolescent children often say to their parents, “I didn't ask them to give birth, but they gave birth without permission!” There are times when I insult words like that, but that is wrong.
People who have died are guided by the works of previous lives, and they come into contact with the boundaries they deserve. People who have done bad things can't even come into contact with human boundaries, and they can only touch boundaries such as hell, hungry ghosts, and beast, and eventually have no choice but to be reborn there.
People who have done good things in their own way can also touch the boundaries of being human, but even among them, those who have done even better things will be able to connect with happy families.
This is how we receive new life. Then, they are carefully nurtured in their stomachs, and they are given birth to this world.

This is how children are born, so we must not forget the blessing that they were born after making our own choices. Even if there are all kinds of grudges and pains, let's think about it separately as being grateful for what we should be thankful for, rather than “hate the boy, hate it even if we hate it.”
Of course, parents also said, “You were born without permission!” That doesn't mean it's okay for kids to do whatever they want. If you do it to your kids, they'll come back to you. You earned that, so you have to accept it.

Also, with regard to the part where you received a favor from your parents, there are various ways to return the favor.
For details, see
https://hasunoha.jp/questions/31432
Please see.

Please refer to the above even a little bit.

Well then
It's also difficult to feel grateful to your parents.

but now
Because I got along with the Buddha and became a devotee of Buddhism
First, you should act to repay the Buddha's kindness.

therewith
even if you start to feel indebted to your parents
Even if I don't feel grateful at all
I think that is also a relationship.

This is Kawaguchi Hidetoshi. This is my humble answer to the question.

Certainly, in Buddhism, “grace to parents” is included in one of the “four blessings.”

Actually, I've wondered about it a long time ago.

In the first place, Shakyamuni's mother passed away soon after Shakyamuni was born, and since she finally betrayed her father's expectations and became a monk, I wonder what kind of “blessings” and “how to repay and filial piety” she would say to her father...

Well, if the sutra that explains the “Four Graces” is a false sutra, then it can also be settled, but even apart from that, from the conclusion, I still know that it is “a blessing for being born into this world,” as Fujikawa Seikai said.

Also, what Shakyamuni worked on to repay his kindness (filial piety) is Buddhism, and since everything aims to save sentient beings, it is likely that eventually saving parents in reincarnation will also be included there.

We are also truly thankful that we were born into a world where there is precious Buddhism, and to the point where we can practice that Buddhism.

I want to continue to walk the path of Buddhism steadily towards enlightenment for my parents and everyone.

Kawaguchi Hidetoshi Gassho

I read your consultation.

> “You have to take good care of your parents.” “It's important to repay them for being raised.”

Is it Buddhism? Isn't that moral?
Even if there is a context where this is explained in Buddhism, I think there is an assumption and reason “because it's 00.” I don't think parents who don't fit that assumption should be appreciated.

It's not about “parents,” but it is also explained in the following way.

I'm not an elder because my hair has turned white. If they just get older, they are called “empty old people.” People who are sincere, have virtue, have compassion, are unscathed, take care of themselves, and are careful are called elders.
Dhammapada 260-261

I think parents are worthy of being called parents only because they have elements that should be respected as parents.

Next, I am also negative about the “theory that children are born by choosing their parents.” I would like you to tell me if there are any sources in the Buddhist scriptures.

Certainly,

・Receiving bad rewards for bad deeds
・Desperate in bad places due to bad karma (even in the next life)
・I'm worried (even in the next life) due to bad karma

There is a statement saying that. However, interpreting that even the details of the family and parents are specified for this bad “retaliation” may lead to discriminatory ideals.
Also, I understand that good and evil in Buddhism is good for getting closer to enlightenment, and moving away from it is evil, but how about thinking about Buddhist right and wrong by directly linking that Buddhist right and wrong to secular right and wrong, and make a family that is not happy (in a secular sense), such as a bad place = toxic parent family?

Also, even if there is a sutra argument in Buddhism that can be interpreted as “I am born because I want to be born”, I think understanding that “I am born because I want to be born as this person (including various circumstances such as parents)” is contrary to the four basic suffering. Suffering in Buddhism probably means “not going the way I want it (because it has been conditioned).”

From the above

> Don't children who are “child abused” or “abandoned parenting” also have to cherish their parents and repay them for their kindness?

I would answer NO (in a secular sense) to the question. This is my personal opinion.

However, there is also a wish that people will be able to rejoice at the fact that they were born apart from their parents.

The temple's pilgrimage book says to my parents, “It's good to be burned by Hell's Hellfire!” There are people who write things like that. The person who wrote it knows it. It seems that his father was a terrible person.
Go to hell even after death to your own parents! With that in mind, even if the person himself is fine with that, is it OK for the family around him? Since it will continue to create a negative chain in the future, it is a very difficult issue where “how to lead” as monks is being questioned for me and that person.
There is a “theory that children are born by choosing their parents” and a “theory that parents cannot be chosen,” but both of these are called “such statements are made,” and this is probably not a Buddhist truth.
The truth of life seems to be selfless beyond human opinion and morality, and the law says “it is just so.”
The theory that they choose their parents can also be said to be “choosing” because they exist within the parent's body, but there is no such thing as one's own intention.
On the other hand, not being able to choose parents is probably just what that statement holds true.
If you had a choice, who would you want to be born to abusive parents?
A person who abuses children is neither a parent nor a human being. Humans are only human when they have humanity.
If parents fulfill the mission of being the best parents, children are naturally “designed” to perform filial piety due to that causal relationship. Unfortunately, if my parents grew up being abused by their parents, the negative cause and effect of the abuse experience will naturally follow.
Even if the heart of filial piety is explained as morality, it is a mistake to be filial for the convenience of a parent's ego. It means that human trafficking and abuse are fine too.
Humans are humans. Will it become a parent or not? If they are parents who have strong egos and take care of themselves over their own children, that is the parent's human immaturity. People who shouldn't be parents.
It is precisely because ego-humans have strong rules that even children try to do whatever they want. It's simply because they have a strong desire to protect themselves, so they're just egoists, and that was a parent or something before.
What you need is guidance that is taught to you personally.
Your parents were “like that.”
So it's inevitable that they left.
It's a natural result your parents created.
However, in Buddhism, even if you have people with such terrible personalities in your family, you still aim for the best personality you can be yourself.
To that end, it's probably about seeking a personality that can take pity and forgive your parents' immaturity.