don't you ever want to die

I want to die of my habit. That's it.
I often say it regardless of whether it's because I'm sick or because I'm not,
My friends tell me strange things. Doesn't everyone want to die?? I think about it every day.
Is wanting to die such a negative feeling?
Can't I just say I want to die?
Is wanting to die a bad thing?

They don't make promises, fuel efficiency is poor, they just eat food, they only get dirty, it's a disgusting kid's house, I wish there were no people, it was useful - just eat food, I wish I had left fast, and even though it was useful, they just got in the way, luggage, luggage, luggage, come out, and it's always just stupid, and it doesn't turn into trash,
Die and die, I don't want everyone to be around, I really want them to play a role, it's depressing to be right in front of me, I'm being friendly, I'm kidding, the pigs get out and clean up for me, they don't make a deal, but there's a troublesome family, ah, these guys are pathetic, I don't need to just be there, it's dirty, everyone makes an appointment You don't need to stand up, be thankful, it's worth being alive Hey, it's crazy after all, mental illness, it's not normal, I don't feel like coming back, even though I don't have the courage to jump off anyway, jump off, die, just exist, scum, no human disqualification, how as a person, I'm not very popular, I'm not a woman, I have no content, I have no commitment, I have a value for myself, a pig, a huge body, I'm not stupid, I'm only being stupid, I'm only being abused, I'm not being loved A type of human being, Disgusting, geniuses who make people unhappy, remember, people who are alive and bad, die, die, and go to a hard time with money, maybe this is it, the worst and worst, worst, no value, after all, it's uncomfortable to be there, you just die, and the trash with trash, cockroaches, finally die, this is our house, social trash,
These are some of the words I was told by my parents. I had a wrist cut before and decided to go to the hospital, but I don't know where to talk to a psychosomatic medicine psychiatrist.
How happy would you be if you jumped on a train
How happy would you be if you could jump out of an apartment
I want to feel better quickly, but I'm glad there are places where I can talk like this, and there are places where people overeat since childhood, so I want to heal that too

4 Zen Responses

For you, wanting to die is a cry of suffering and despair

Yes...
It makes me think I want to die.
You'll eat it, right?
It's unbearable to live being showered with words like this. then it will disappear. I'm going to die, and if that makes it easier, I want to do that...

For you, wanting to die is a cry of suffering and despair, isn't it?

As I read your questions up until now and the rants you've been showered with, one by one, it became painful for me too.
I wonder if there is any way out of this environment.
I wonder if wrist cuts continue. That's the only way I want to hug you as you have no escape and you're in balance.

Rants are also psychological abuse.
Psychosomatic medicine is fine, or contact a school, government office, or place where you can consult, such as a child counseling center.
I'm worried about you.

Parental morahara

Maru-sama

This is Kawaguchi Hidetoshi. This is my humble answer to the question.

It seems that self-denial is a major factor in the idea of rare death, where people have denied themselves due to moral harassment and verbal violence from parents over many years...

If possible, I think it is necessary to leave your parents as soon as possible.

I think it would be a good idea to be able to receive support by consulting with the consultation desk near you below about how to move away from your parents.

List of consultation desks to support life (list of consultation desks by prefecture and government ordinance-designated city)
https://jssc.ncnp.go.jp/soudan.php

Kawaguchi Hidetoshi Gassho

No matter what happens, you're a precious person.

I read it. Until now, your parents kept saying such terrible words, and you had a very hard time.
I think they had that difficult situation and feeling, and that was one of the causes, and they made them want to die.
Every human being has times when they want to die.
It's really hard to live in a situation that is so difficult and unacceptable.
So it's not unreasonable for you to think so, and I think it's natural.
I sincerely understand your painful feelings.

I feel like my parents spit out other painful feelings they have had in their lives until now in their lives. So to speak, I think my own painful things have hit you.

If I had to say it, no matter how bad words your parents uttered and slandered and hurt you, it is first and foremost precious that you are alive. And you really matter.

No matter what your parents say, you're worth living for. Conversely, those who say terrible words or acts against people are foolish, and they commit deep sins. And those who do words or actions that hurt people will always be rewarded for that crime.

First of all, please accept that you are worth living for yourself, and that it is also precious for you to live first. You are carefully protected by God, Buddha, and your ancestors at all times.

Please take care of yourself by putting yourself first. And don't forget that there are always people around you who protect and acknowledge you.

You're important here too, and you already have a connection with us. Please try talking about your feelings at this place as well.

Also, please consult and ask questions to various people and people you trust.

Because I'm always waiting for you.

Change “I want to die” to the power to leave the house

It's not good to make a habit of saying “I want to die.” The reason is that friends around you who hear it are worried and distressed about not being able to save you, move away from your side, and eventually you are all alone.
Your friend isn't a psychiatrist or monk. They gradually don't understand how to treat you, it becomes painful, and they walk away.
So, first of all, be sure to practice every day so you don't talk about it.
After that, let's practice every day so we don't even think it in our hearts. Specifically, if you feel “I want to die” in your heart, remember that there is a cause (for example, an abusive parent) that made you feel that way. There is something that makes you want to die.
Then think about moving away from that cause. “I'm leaving the house as soon as possible!” Please shout in your heart. Make it a goal to live away from abusive parents.
And please take action to that end.
Like working, saving money, and leaving home, or finding a job with a dormitory or company housing. I've also heard about people who have run away from abusive homes by arranging, getting married, and being abusive.
Please change the feeling of “I want to die” into the power to leave the house.
Also, when you really want to say “I want to die,” let's only say it to psychiatrists, Hasunoha, and monks.
Also, don't eat a full meal. Let's eat as little as necessary. Try to eat less, especially at night, and avoid snacking.
If you don't do that, not only will it look good, it will cause various diseases.

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