It's painful not being able to forget the power harassment I received at my former workplace

I can't forget that I was repeatedly harassed by my female boss at the workplace I worked for a while ago. Even now, tears come out while writing, and I can't help it.

I wasn't a regular employee, but I've never been absent or late.
Even when I wasn't feeling well, I went to work as much as possible.
While I was still working for a few months while desperately remembering my job, I also took care of an older junior who was almost alone and had almost no work experience.

My boss was the first person to become a manager, and his instructions weren't very accurate, and he seemed to be the type where he couldn't tell the difference between strict caution and hysterical feelings, and his likes and dislikes were clearly harassed by me and people who were disliked by me and my girlfriend, even about trivial matters. Moreover, when they get frustrated, they seem to be unable to see their surroundings, and they make a loud voice regardless of whether there are customers, business partners, or people from other departments.

Occasionally, people I couldn't see would distract her by talking to her about a different case, but basically almost no one looked, and therefore it was a department of about 10 people, and there were over 10 retirees per year, and the number of retirees exceeded 10 people per year, and changes were intense.

Moreover, it is a double standard where even if her favorite person has obvious problematic behavior, she flushes it with light caution and protects it herself. To be honest, it was very uncomfortable, and just being called by my boss made me freak out. Incidentally, it's not a workplace where individuals compete for sales results, so I don't think that matters.

Then, at one point, when I came to work, I ran as if I had been waiting, and suddenly I was emotionally yelled at for something trivial, and I learned that my evaluations for that period were lower than everyone else's, so I didn't like everything and quit. When I diagnosed depression online, it was normal for the time being, but I couldn't sleep much for a while, and only foods that were easy to digest went through my throat.

When I talk to people, they say, “The company can't help but think seriously about that kind of thing, and she gets a decent amount of praise. Don't forget it.” What people say, but the heavy feeling doesn't go away easily, and sometimes I remember it like a flashback.

It's over, and there was such a thing, and my boss was working hard at overcapacity work in his own way, so I want to take it lightly and be positive. What is the preferred way to think and act? Please give me some advice.

3 Zen Responses

Ibaraki?

Actually, Ibaraki is really nice. Right now, I'm being assigned part of the Hello Work support course. There are a lot of power harassment questions there too. Not everyone is like a Buddha or a Bodhisattva. There are several elements of suffering intricately intertwined. When I don't like it, I apply it to myself. I don't have that kind of place, do I? I'll rethink it. Then, about one of the same things comes to mind for me. If you do that, what you felt bad about yourself can now be applied to yourself. Also, Ibaraki in particular is a unique dialect that has risen to the bottom of the word. Do you always fight with people who come from other prefectures? I've also been asked that. I want to always smile. Speak in kind words. Also, I always try to look the other person in the eye when speaking. Even if you're told to forget something you don't like, there's no way you can easily forget something like that. Why don't you think you taught it to yourself?

How will you be useful to society

It must have been a tough time. It is clearly abnormal for 10 people or more to quit in a department of 10 people a year.

The only thing that can be saved is that both the people at work and Kurumi's friends understood that “that boss is strange.” It will probably catch the ears of HR people and upper management sooner or later, so I'm going to feel sorry for my boss in the future.

However, for Kurumi, the terrible experiences and flashbacks that make her think she might become depressed are probably still painful. A “workplace” is a place for self-realization and personality development, but I think “work” is something that should be done for society.
So, if you go through your boss, department, and company, and think about how Kurumi herself will be useful to society through her work and whether she wants to go, in fact, she may not really care about what kind of boss she is.
Although it's work (which includes housework and neighborhood relationships, of course), let's keep an eye on the ultimate purpose.

New rules against bullies

Well, Ooku is also surprised by the office (._.).
She herself had mental oppression and illness, and she was mentally dispersed by indiscriminately terrorizing. It should be said that many people, starting with you, became victims.
In conclusion
If you're not convinced, understand the mental structure of bullying in order to be convinced, be convinced of why you've been bullied, and have mercy.
The viewpoint that “the bully side has a mental illness” is still not accepted in Japan. This is because it is not at a level where it can be treated as a mental illness, even on the surface. Actually, the bullies are sick people who have continued to receive self-denial since childhood and have mental problems.
Good people and healthy people are not bullied.
Bullies themselves have some kind of fear or anxiety.
The mentality of fear of being robbed of something relating to the meaning of one's existence drives people to the insanity of bullying.
For her, I think it was something like getting criticized by her boss.
I think I was unduly afraid that my existence would be threatened and denied because of my childhood experiences.
If their subordinates made mistakes, their position would be jeopardized, and there were many seniors at ascetic dojo who were defensive and reactive because they tried not to defend their positions. It's just that the person himself doesn't have room.
Try to pierce that mentality and say, “My mistake is my mistake. Thanks for pointing that out. However, if you get so emotional, it's very uncomfortable for everyone to do their work,” and in reality, you were also looking for conversation skills to the extent that you could sympathize with the walnut punch of justice that went one step further.
If it was enough to quit, I think I could have said that much.
I can say it even now, so I think it would be easier if you told them “I was puzzled” in a letter. In any case, it's a form of good start, but back then it was one-on-one communication between humans. I think the fact that communication remains incomplete, and that despite being treated unfairly, it did not come to light in public is a point where you cannot be convinced, understood, or attained Buddhism.
Why don't you take pity and forgive her for developing as a human being, or try equalizing imperfect communication by conveying your feelings to her.

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