I think he's going to die soon.

Hello. This is my first time posting.

I think I'm going to die soon. The method to die hasn't been decided yet, but various investigations have been carried out and are under consideration.

I also feel that it's ridiculous to say that I'm still a student, but somehow I don't have any hope of living.

From 1 to 3, I seriously went to college and worked hard at club activities, but after 4 years, I lost my mind and recently I tend to skip it. Schedule management is also bad these days, causing trouble to others. I'm going to die after at least apologizing to those who have bothered me.

Recently, I haven't really been able to enjoy my favorite hobbies.

I was lightly bullied (being called behind, disgraced, laughed at) in elementary, middle, and high school. Maybe I was too weak to read the air, and yet I couldn't read the air. After entering college, I made friends, and I thought my life was finally enjoyable, but at an unexpected moment, I realized that I couldn't get away with it because it reminded me of bullying and it had a big impact on my current behavior.
I was told to stop worrying about it, if it wasn't frustrating to be so held captive, but to be honest, it's frustrating. But I'm already exhausted. There is only growing fear that one day I will become like the culprit of the Demon Murder as it happened the other day.

I don't want to live in this world where things get off the rails are tough anymore. Dying seems very appealing these days, and once I decided to die, my heart felt lighter.

But at the end of the day, I think it was taken aback when I was writing to a tool that gets replies like this.

But before I died, I wanted someone to read it, so I wrote it. Thank you very much.

4 Zen Responses

Have a medical examination before you die

There are also experts who say that 90% of people who commit suicide may be “depressed.”
Suicidal thoughts themselves are one of the symptoms of “depression.”
It's like when you catch a cold, you have symptoms such as cough and fever.
If you have suicidal thoughts due to an imbalance between your brain and nerves, you probably won't want to die if you keep your brain and nerves healthy.
Not being able to enjoy what you have enjoyed until now may also be a symptom of “depression.”
By all means, please consult with a medical institution such as psychosomatic medicine before you die.
For example, even if you break your leg, it may heal if you treat it, but it would be a waste if you cut off your leg without consulting a doctor, saying “I don't like this kind of leg.”
In Buddhism, we believe that afflictions such as greed, anger, laziness, and pride are the cause of worry and suffering.
If you reduce and control your worries, your life will be much easier.
After treatment, I would like you to learn Buddhism as well.
If you know the suffering of life at a young age, you may have what it takes to understand Buddhism.

It's OK to live

If painful memories from the past cross your mind, keep your eyes open and look at what seems real right in front of you. What's on the right? What's on the left? What's the sound? How does it feel to the touch? That's how you bring your mind back to reality and to the present.
What matters is now, and this place.
Where you are now is not where you used to be bullied.
There is no evil person in front of you who once bullied you.
You're in a safe place.
Please don't worry.
By the way, just like when you catch a cold, you have a fever, when you're depressed, you want to die.
This is because when you have a fever, the virus weakens and the cold heals and the suffering goes away, so if you die, the emotional pain of depression disappears.
The important point here is that this suffering from colds and depression is temporary.
Don't die for temporary suffering. If we overcome the present, this suffering will go away.
If you want to die, please understand that, ah, this is a mental pain, and that you are under a lot of stress.
Then, let's write about that emotional stress situation on paper.
That's because writing cleans up the inside of your mind.
Then I look at myself objectively.
Let's think about how we can eliminate that source of stress.
Ask your friends, teachers, parents, seniors in your life, and Hasunoha for their opinions.
It's never too late for life.
Instead of apologizing to your friend for causing trouble to death, let's apologize for the inconvenience and ask them to think together about what to do in the future.
When you become a fourth year student, you have a lot of stress, such as going on to college, getting a job, graduation thesis, credits, and circles. Let's deal with them one by one while calmly gathering information.
Also, there is a monk temple (Anon-ji) that answers in Hasunoha in that prefecture, so if you have a chance, it might be a good idea to try zazen there.

Elementary, middle, and high school were difficult.

What are the painful feelings of the old days
It's something I'll never forget.
On top of that past
under that influence
It's true that I am who I am now.

though
Good luck
Entering college
I got on the new rails.

It's not off the rails at all.
There are a number of rails.
Any rail will do.
Choose a rail that's easy for you to live on.

Every rail ends in death.
But just because
You don't have to warp now.

greetings

“At least I'm going to die after apologizing to those who bothered me”
Yeah, I really want you to try this out.
I wonder what kind of reaction they'll get back.

Thank you so much for everything.
I'm very sorry for this incident.

It's not just a pose; take something to thank or apologize for, bow 90 degrees, and say a serious greeting with all your heart. Of course, keep in mind “I'll die soon.” If anything, it might be okay to just say it to the other person and tell them. Go out among as many people as possible.

There must be something to discover. I'm sure it will become clear whether or not you are truly worthy of death.

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