A baby that never came

Nice to meet you, Mentaiko.
When it comes to people in their forties, they're the same generation as me.

I understand very well the feeling of wanting to have children.
Contrary to my husband's kindness,
You're not calm by the wind around you, aren't you?

Maybe the problem is old age...
Actually, I am a married couple of the same age, and we had our first child when we were 43 years old.

My wife continued infertility treatment for over 2 years,
Like you, there were no signs at all, and only the costs were high.

If this doesn't make a difference, adjust to my wife's body cycle,
I decided to leave it to nature.
If there are no particular problems other than age, try your best in a natural state.
You might receive it.
Speaking of why they say such things,
To a temple parishioner whose friend is the chief priest
There was an age-limited couple who couldn't get married easily.
When I happened to talk to my friend about how I had a child,
My friend said she would try telling the parishioners too.

After that, about a year later,
“I was born on the advice of Mr. Fujinami (this is me)!” and,
Isn't my friend saying it?
According to Mentaiko's body cycle,
Please spend a lot of time with your husband.
Miracles may become reality.
It's an age where some women get pregnant even after age 50.
If you're in your 40's, you still have a chance!

If that's still a painful result,
Please come here again to express your feelings.

Mentaiko

Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and honestly with me.
I had a miscarriage just once, but it's pretty painful...
Feelings similar to deep sadness and disappointment that infertility treatment did not produce the expected results.
I really understand it.

However, when a little more time has passed, if you can find some kind of meaning or value in the efforts made to want children, the babies that have passed away and your past self, which you have worked so hard for, will also be rewarded.

Please take care of yourself before the happiness of others.
I sincerely hope that Mentaiko herself will protect herself.

On top of that, after more time has passed, I think it would be great if I could find something I can convey or grow even if there is no blood connection.

Nice to meet you, Mentaiko. My name is Tetsuya Urakami from Nagomi-an.

I was told how painful it was in my heart.
Fertility treatment, miscarriages, letting go of careers and savings... family events that further increase suffering. I don't like New Year's cards with family photos or birth reports written on them...

“I want my life back. Actually, I can't respond to the feelings of Mentaiko, who says, “I want to regain my peace of mind.” However, I heard about the suffering, and I myself have the same suffering, and I can only say that.

Why don't you acknowledge your own feelings that make you think “I want everyone to be unhappy.” Mentaiko, who is suffering so much that she thinks it is torture when she sees her niece grow up, is not even tormented by herself, who thinks about other people's misfortunes.
Scientist Eiichi Yazawa says, “If humanity is thoroughly boiled down, a black mass of jealousy will remain at the end.” The human mind is not pure.
I think one way to regain my life and peace of mind is to accept my negative parts.

References
http://hasunoha.jp/questions/57
http://hasunoha.jp/questions/367

The pain of not being blessed with children is immeasurable for me as a man.
I pray that your wishes will not be fulfilled.
If you can't get it even if you wish for more than this yourself, then I think it's important to give up on a human life of about 100 years.
If you are in a situation where you are not blessed, please think that it is not a blessing, but rather a blessing, that it is a blessing to receive a different opportunity.
I was given the opportunity to “bless others.”
In this world, there are parents who are not blessed with children, but there are also children who are not blessed with parents. There are cases where even Hollywood stars take in disadvantaged children,
The idea that “immediate parents do not raise both children, but people who can be in the position of parents raise children” is also important.
It's a world of judo, kendo, flower arrangement, calligraphy, karate, and Buddhism. Even in Zen Buddhism, there are rare cases where parents and children become great disciples.
What parents should ultimately convey to their children is love and important wisdom for living.
Even in a parent-child relationship where there is a blood connection, it's not just about raising them; I don't think they can become true parents and children without telling them what they should tell them.
Even if they aren't blessed with children, they have other opportunities.
As someone who can bring blessings to them, I hope you can also consider that by becoming a foster parent, you can walk the path of a mother who can bring blessings to the world.

Mentaiko

This is Kawaguchi Hidetoshi. This is my humble answer to the question.

In Buddhism, I would like to explain that this world is made up of “luck.”

“Relationship” is simply a condition, but “good fortune” means “the state of things and things is established on the accumulation of various innumerable causes and conditions.”

If the “relationship” goes well, you can expect appropriate results, but there are times when you can't do anything with your own devotion or effort in this relationship.

The Winter Sochi Olympics are being held, and no matter how talented they are, and no matter how much effort they make and do their best to refine their skills, there are times when there is nothing to be done, such as weather conditions during the competition, snow quality conditions, ice preparation conditions, the atmosphere of the venue, or fall accidents due to falls caused by other athletes falling.

No matter how long you hope to live and take care of your health and make an effort, you may die prematurely depending on disasters, accidents, or illnesses.

If it were to happen, it would be possible to produce results by properly adjusting the conditions, but it is also the logic of this world that nothing can really be done about it. The original meaning of “give up” is also “to reveal the truth.”

Of course, if we can do everything in this world according to our wishes, everyone will probably be satisfied and happy, but since that doesn't happen and things just don't turn out the way we want, we often get lost and suffer.

Why doesn't it turn out the way I wanted... it was Buddha who was able to find out the cause, attained enlightenment, and explained the path for a solution.

Simply put, as the Four Noble Truths, suffering has causes and conditions for that suffering, and suffering can be eliminated by somehow resolving the cause and condition of that suffering, suffering can be eliminated, and in order to resolve it, it is desired to walk in Buddhism.

Once again, if something happens, it is also important to make an effort and do your best so that the “relationship” in order to be well received is also important. However, it is also important to know that if there is nothing you can do about it, it is also important to know that nothing can be done. I would be happy if you could give me a little thought on how to assess this area.

I pray that your children will be blessed with good fortune.

Kawaguchi Hidetoshi Gassho

Nice to meet you, Mentaiko.
A lot of people have already answered, and it seems like they've even written a reply, so I thought it was just about time I answered... but the content was boring, so I dared to answer it. I have experienced a similar situation,
http://hasunoha.jp/questions/367
↑ I have answered here. I would be happy if you read it.

I'm a man and optimistic, so I may not feel as much pain as Mentaiko, but it may be close to my wife's situation before.
My close friends of the same age got married, received reports that they had children, and when they were invited to their new home, they kept calm and blessed on the spot, but when I got home, I almost cried.
After that, I was invited to dinner parties with my kids, but once I went there, I never went there anymore, and now it seems like we're only in a relationship with New Year's cards.

Also, a family event with my brother-in-law having a child... I was in the same situation as Mentaiko.

It seems that you understand things such as “happiness is a part of my heart,” but I dare say it.
If you don't change your feelings, nothing will change. It's just hard!

Can't you think of it like this, for example?
・ The happiness of being with a kind husband who says “I should be there”
※There are also people in the world who have much more painful feelings such as cheating, DV, or the death of a partner
・The happiness of being able to watch my nephews and nieces who seem cute grow
※Actually, I was looking forward to seeing them come and visit once in a while
・A life where children are welcomed as foster parents and shared hardships, even if there is no blood connection
※My husband and I made this choice, and now we are doing our best to pour our love into our children

However, even after rereading the content of the question now, it seems that the only way to be free from this suffering is to have children.
As Fujinami also said, it would be a good idea to leave it to nature (since there is a possibility) and consider adoption as a foster parent.
※This is my life even though my parents are against it. If you really want to raise children, you can probably get the cooperation of those around you.

And if it is possible, it is to accept current circumstances based on the Buddhist spirit, and come to think that is my life.

I pray that peace will come to Mentaiko's heart.