I attempted suicide for an idiot reason and stayed old

I'm a university student in Tokyo.
I jumped off for a stupid reason.
The reason was that I couldn't seem to meet the deadline for the report, so I panicked and jumped off the second floor of the university.
Because of that, I broke both my heel and lower back, and was hospitalized, and as a result, I became an old age.

I originally had depression-like symptoms, but I couldn't refuse a plan I should have declined before the report was due, and I was made to drink an amount of alcohol I had never drunk at a drinking party (it's my fault for not being able to refuse) and went back to my home while being cared for.

The day after that was the deadline for the report, but when I woke up in the morning, I was driven by the bad feeling and bad feeling of being taken care of, and the feeling of “I want to die already, let's jump off,” probably because of the impatience that the report wasn't over, so I headed straight to college without even eating breakfast.

I arrived at the university at around 8 o'clock and tried to jump off the second floor for a while, but I was so scared that I couldn't do it, and I was wandering around. However, as class time approached, a voice saying “jump off quickly” ran through my head, and as a result, I lost my balance and jumped off the 2nd floor.

The moment I jumped off, I thought, “Oh, I made a mistake, what are you doing.” I can't forgive myself for jumping off for such nonsense.

As a result, I was hospitalized for 2 months, and now I can walk a short distance. However, every day I think that I destroyed the body I received from my parents by such silly things, that I would never return to my original healthy body, that I caused trouble to so many people, that I had passed away, and that my head was full of regrets and if it became like this, I wanted it to disappear.

I wish I hadn't met the deadline for the report, but I wasn't able to make that easy choice, got seriously injured and became a year old, and I'm so stupid that I can't forgive myself anymore.

I really can't forgive myself for why I tried to head to the classroom at that time but ran away and stopped.

I've been doing my best not to leave my old age, but I got seriously injured by this and have no idea what to do from now on.
Honestly, I had friends, so I've done it until now, so I don't feel like I can go back to my old university and advance on my own. (It's disgusting to leave it up to others, though)

Right now, I can only think that I want to go back to the past every day, and I'm living a life like an abandoned person at my parents' house.

I'm sorry for the bad article. I would like you to tell me what to do in the future.

4 Zen Responses

What should I do? If you wish, let's think about your future for yourself

If anyone is driven into it, they'll lose their place to live.
At that time, I thought that was fine.
If that were the case, I wouldn't blame it and push myself in the same way again.

It's not like I've been cut off from my place of life, even after being old. I just got time to learn. If that's the case, let's make good use of that time for the future.
I wish I could make friends again.
Rather than lamenting that you aren't there, I should move on your own.

What should I do? If you wish, let's think about your future for yourself.
No matter how much it costs, you can rebuild your life◎

Postscript...
You're not in a position to walk, are you?
Take your time to rehab.
I'm sure there are people around you who will support you. Please rely on it.

I'm really glad you're alive.
I wonder if your parents are like that too.

That was painful

It's fine.

Because humans can start over and over again.

It's fine

I'm praying for your future

I read it.
You're a very important person, aren't you?
There is no change in the fact that you are an important person even if you can't report or stay old.
Please take good care of yourself from now on. Many people will be important to you in your future life, and you can help many others.

It's a long life, so there are many detours, going right and left all the time, sometimes I just get emotional, and I make various mistakes and live my life being helped by various people.

I sincerely hope and pray that you will grow happily and richly from now on! And I support you from the bottom of my heart!

I read it again.
But you're still alive now. Various organs, such as the heart, are doing their best by breathing to keep you alive as hard as possible. And so many people are working hard to support you to keep you alive.

There's no need to be in a hurry.
Please relax and calm down and continue to live for the future. You're a precious person, aren't you? Please never forget it.

Humans always get mosses. But I'll look back so I don't get bogged down again.

Hello, I'm tired.

My life was disrupted and I couldn't issue a report, so I attempted suicide.
People are weak. The feeling of wanting to run away probably jumped off, but including that, in your questions, you are reflecting on your own bad points.

Once you've reflected on it, you have to do it next. When I look at the questions, I'm really reflecting on it, but I'm at home and tracing the same bad points again.
First, let's strengthen our mentality in order to live. For that, it's a book. People in the old days had the same problems as you, so literature was born to overcome them. Books are sure to become your treasured heart friends.
We're just at home, so let's study our minds so we don't live with only regrets. Read books that will inspire you. Even comics are fine. Please read as you see fit.

I make mistakes over and over again in my life. I'm glad I didn't die. You can start over as much as you want. If you can't do it, you should quit college. All you have to do is start from scratch. Life is a history of starting over until death. It's the same for me.

Good luck! I support you. Gassho

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