It's troublesome to live

Hello. I'm a 16 year old high school girl.
I feel that life is a hassle these days. I don't want to live, but I don't feel like I want to die.
When I go to school, I'm late or absent the next day. When I get home, the fatigue I put up with at school comes and I fall asleep right away.
There's talk about career paths at school next time, but I don't have much hope for the future, so I don't want to get a job or go on to college. But as expected, I can't afford to become NEET, so I'm worried about what to do.

When I was in middle school, I went to school in a separate room, so I wasn't able to attend class very often. When I became truant in elementary 5 and was 6 years old, I went to school 2 or 3 days a week. When I was in middle school, I had someone I liked, so I managed to go to school every day, but since they went to separate high schools, I can't meet them anymore. The person I loved was gone, so all that remained was wanting to die.

There was a time when I tried to commit suicide impulsively when I was elementary 6 and ended up not being able to die. I don't feel that heavy right now, but I'm wondering why I'm alive.

I envy all my friends because they have dreams and hobbies for the future.
I don't have any likes, interests, or strengths, so I just surf the internet every day.
I want to stop it myself, but as soon as I get uneasy, I want to look it up.
My dad told me, “If you don't stop the internet, you'll die.”
People often ask me to go outside because I don't have enough exercise. I don't really want to go outside because I feel like they're being spoken ill of when I meet people. I stay home all the time except when I go to school.
I think it's terrible for myself, but it feels painful when I go outside.
When I told this story to the attending physician at the rehabilitation center, they almost gave me antidepressants.

I can't study, I can't exercise, I'm afraid of people because I was bullied in elementary school, and I have Aspergers, so I can't communicate well.
I often wonder if my life is worth living like this.
There are times when I feel like I just want to give up on my life.

I'm not good at conveying my feelings well, so there may be misnomers.
What should I do now?

4 Zen Responses

[5.67 billion]

“I feel that living is a hassle”

Well, sorry.
But please hang out with the world just a little longer.
You are humanity's “best.”

living is troublesome, but dying is even more troublesome

In the first place, living is troublesome. But dying is even more troublesome. It's not easy to die. That's why so many people are somehow alive. When I was young, about you, I didn't have confidence in myself, and I was worried about not worrying about the future. Japan will probably only get worse from now on. Since there are only old people and there are no young people, young people are forced to pay 30% consumption tax or something, foreign immigrants are accepted, security deteriorates, and they may not be able to receive pensions. Japan might not be better than that. It would be nice if America re-occupied it again and started over, but it would be a special administrative region of China. But don't worry, you can live on. There are good things to be alive, and there are hard times. You may not know that if life is easy, then there will be pain, but it's the theme song for a period TV drama that Grandpa watches. Life has mountains and valleys, doesn't it? Maybe it's not as bad as AKB's song singing “The Future of Japan Isn't Even Worse,” so I don't know. Please stay strong. That's because you're a golden egg that exists in the midst of fewer and fewer young people.

Hiro

I have received your concern, Hiro.

Thank you very much for consulting with us. I will tell you what I felt after receiving Hiro's concerns.

I think it is precisely because Hiro is facing himself that his worries come up. This is great as a person.
People who face themselves become more and more beautiful from within.

First, why don't you write down what you're worried about and what you might be worried about and take a look at it?

You don't have to look around and think about solutions. I'll admit to myself that I have that kind of trouble. I think that alone clears my head.

In order to make the right decisions, it is necessary to grasp what worries you.

And then let's think about something fun next.

For instance,

“Things I think I might do”
“Something fun to do on your own”
“Things I'm interested in”

I think it would be a good idea to write something out.

I think it's also good that people like Internet Surfing.

The important thing is to somehow think loosely that I like this kind of thing rather than feeling strongly.

Slowly without being impatient

Just being alive is already wonderful.

Talking to Hasunoha is proof that Hiro is moving forward.

Everything in life is hard, so it's full of troublesome things.

though
It feels like I don't even want to die.
I don't want to live now
I wonder if that doesn't mean I don't want to live in the future...

If that's the case
Don't you think there's a possibility that we'll run into something in the future?
I'm 52 years old, and now I'm the chief priest of a temple
I wasn't originally born and raised in a temple
I can't believe you became a monk when you were a teenager
I didn't think about it at all.

there may not have been anything until now
Because there must be something in the future
Why don't you live a little longer?

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