What do you mean you don't need it?
I have severe depression. I don't understand the value of existence anymore. Sorry for the long rampage.
I am currently unemployed due to treatment for depression.
However, I didn't want to cause any more trouble to my family, so I started studying for job hunting and getting qualifications.
Just then, the “novel virus” came out.
“I want to protect my family from getting infected. To that end, if you don't know the information, you can't plan countermeasures.”
I felt that “information = life line,” so I put my own job hunting and studies on the back burner and worked hard to gather and share information.
Check domestic and international news and social media. Overseas information is translated and summarized. I was writing it down in my notebook and printing it out.
I put these together and made a “countermeasure notebook.” So that anyone can watch it anytime, over and over again.
*Since information is fast, I was actively reading SNS, internet news, and overseas news and reports.
My family isn't good at the internet or foreign languages, so I thought I could cover it, so I checked it out.
* Based on the collected information, they also went shopping for necessary supplies (expenses were calculated by cutting down my own savings)
I was trying to prevent the epidemic like this, but yesterday my family quickly said “I don't need information anymore.” Furthermore, there was also talk to the effect that “shopping is annoying when done without permission.”
As for the notebook I created myself, “I appreciate it and I appreciate it. But I don't need it anymore.”
It seems that my family read through what I wrote in my notebook, and they seem to be careful about the points I should be aware of in my daily life. I'm grateful that you read my notebook during your busy schedule.
However, the words “I don't need it” stuck out loud.
The cause of my depression was bullying and power harassment at school and work.
At that time, I was told “I don't need (my presence)” over and over again, and I was ignored and made a fool of.
So the word “I don't need it” became too heavy for me.
I heard the word “I don't need it” from my family this time, and I didn't know at all how to treat them.
My head became sluggish after suffering from depression (tasks such as reading and summarizing letters are difficult)
But I thought I was working hard, hoping that it would be useful even a little bit for epidemic prevention.
But it was nothing but a nuisance to the family. Is my existence worth nothing for me?
I think it's a symptom of depression, but I have a strong feeling that “I want to go away.”
Am I an entity I “don't need” anymore?
