hasunoha

What do you mean you don't need it?

I have severe depression. I don't understand the value of existence anymore. Sorry for the long rampage.

I am currently unemployed due to treatment for depression.
However, I didn't want to cause any more trouble to my family, so I started studying for job hunting and getting qualifications.
Just then, the “novel virus” came out.

“I want to protect my family from getting infected. To that end, if you don't know the information, you can't plan countermeasures.”
I felt that “information = life line,” so I put my own job hunting and studies on the back burner and worked hard to gather and share information.

Check domestic and international news and social media. Overseas information is translated and summarized. I was writing it down in my notebook and printing it out.
I put these together and made a “countermeasure notebook.” So that anyone can watch it anytime, over and over again.

*Since information is fast, I was actively reading SNS, internet news, and overseas news and reports.
My family isn't good at the internet or foreign languages, so I thought I could cover it, so I checked it out.

* Based on the collected information, they also went shopping for necessary supplies (expenses were calculated by cutting down my own savings)

I was trying to prevent the epidemic like this, but yesterday my family quickly said “I don't need information anymore.” Furthermore, there was also talk to the effect that “shopping is annoying when done without permission.”
As for the notebook I created myself, “I appreciate it and I appreciate it. But I don't need it anymore.”

It seems that my family read through what I wrote in my notebook, and they seem to be careful about the points I should be aware of in my daily life. I'm grateful that you read my notebook during your busy schedule.
However, the words “I don't need it” stuck out loud.

The cause of my depression was bullying and power harassment at school and work.
At that time, I was told “I don't need (my presence)” over and over again, and I was ignored and made a fool of.
So the word “I don't need it” became too heavy for me.

I heard the word “I don't need it” from my family this time, and I didn't know at all how to treat them.

My head became sluggish after suffering from depression (tasks such as reading and summarizing letters are difficult)
But I thought I was working hard, hoping that it would be useful even a little bit for epidemic prevention.
But it was nothing but a nuisance to the family. Is my existence worth nothing for me?
I think it's a symptom of depression, but I have a strong feeling that “I want to go away.”
Am I an entity I “don't need” anymore?

4 Zen Responses

There is no waste in this world.

Nice to meet you, good morning.

There are no wasted things or wasted lives in this world. Each of us has a meaning to live. This body is also proof that our ancestors and ancestors survived through many storms called difficulties, and furthermore, the wishes and feelings of parents are put into it, and there is a connection with various lives. Also, like our ancestors, we also have the role of handing over the feelings entrusted to us to the future, and issues given to each of us.

There are words left to me by my late girlfriend. If you suddenly... think about a future that isn't even in the past or hasn't come, it becomes anxiety and worry. Live this moment, which is not even the future, and will never happen again, in your own way! I kept telling them.

We have the power to overcome, etc. Also, no one is protecting ourselves. It protects the lives that have been inherited by oneself. This storm of life's difficulties can also be overcome. Many spirits flew into the sky as a result of this event. The loss is a huge event. I think it gave me a lot more insight than that.

There are no wasted lives or wasted events at all. You have strengths that are unique to you. Always, when you are born into this world, you receive life with goodness and a sense of Buddha. They may fade due to the environment you grew up in, etc., but you can change your life, destiny, and yourself as much as you want on an adventure trip called life. Among them, you can notice it and take it back. Life doesn't go the way I want, so I devise ways and make mistakes while turning them into something positive and making them my own. If there are only good things and few bad things... it will become a selfish world. In the midst of things not going as expected, good things happen, so thankful = thank you, and a heart of compassion are born. And there are people who need you, and you're living in this moment because you need someone.

Please broaden your horizons by changing your thoughts and looking at your obsessive mind without getting caught or robbed of your mind. Sometimes painful things are said, but... it's an irreplaceable family that desperately raised you. You also need to have the courage to let go and sometimes forgive. There are many people who spend time in the midst of anxiety due to a storm of difficulties, and their hearts become cramped, and they almost lose sight of themselves. I want you to spend time with your family with a smile instead of frowning because it's a difficult time.

Gassho

I won't throw my life away.

Good morning.

I read your question.
The current situation is not easy to live in, and I think there are aspects that are difficult to get to,
What is the function of Kazenoko
It's helped my family enough.

Don't throw your life away.

Family words.
I think it should be taken as an indication that anxiety has changed to peace of mind.

I used to use the stove when it was cold, but in spring, I stopped using it.
I used hot pot to make food, but since I finished the meal, I won't use it until the next meal.
I prepared a bat for a baseball game, but I won't use it because it goes on defense.
I'm not sure if the analogy is appropriate, but it's easier to live with the idea of denying existence itself just because priorities within individuals and groups have changed over time and case, moving in the direction of graduation.

There is a larger part of Kazenoko himself that his illness makes him do that, but just because you hear the words you don't need it doesn't mean you throw away your life.
If you don't need it = throw it away is a mistake.

First, I want you to protect yourself.

I think that means it's enough because I'm going to gather information myself.

I don't mean “I don't need” you. That's not supposed to be the case.
They collected a lot of information for my family, and I think it was a great help.

However, it's been taking a long time, and I think everyone is tired of information.
Also, the content will also be changed in the information announced by the government. The severity is increasing.

If that happens, I wonder if it's getting harder to watch.
I gather information at my own pace, so I think that means that's enough.

Also, when it comes to shopping, when you think about close contact, I'm worried about you. The spread of the infection is too fast, and I think that means don't leave the house because it's stronger and better for you.

Mentally, right now, everyone is being affected and driven in.
Maybe it's tingling.

I don't think there's any malice.
Thank you so much for my family. ('`*)

You're living well

Hello.
I couldn't pass by silently when asked, “Is my existence worth nothing for me?”
When I was a student or working person, I think I blamed myself when I saw people who were left behind.

It's also painful to be told that people don't need you, but what's really painful is probably thinking that you don't need yourself.
If you do that, you will gradually hate living. Underneath that thought, I think there is a selfish and selfish idea of using good (intellect, financial strength, etc.) as a basis for one's own life.

Isn't it Buddhism that made people useless for anything and gave them life by freeing them from the thought that they were useless if they weren't useful?

There is a person named Toyotomi Hideyoshi who rose from a peasant to a person in the world, and in his death poem, it is described as “Dew, Dew, Dew, and Disappearing and Naniwa, who is my own body, is also a dream come true.”
I confess that I got whatever I wanted, but I had lost sight of something really important.
I think there's a lot to learn.