What about parishioners?

The other day, my father's funeral was held, and the monk at the temple, who has been indebted to me as a parishioner for generations, came to me, and all my relatives felt disgusted by the monk's attitude and behavior so bossy.
First, when I called the temple to ask for sutras, the date and time were specified from above.
Is it normal to request an offering in advance or specify the amount of the offering before giving the sutras? At the vigils I have attended until now, I think there were many places where they gave sermons to encourage relatives after the sutras, but they gave the sutras on an administrative basis and quickly went back there and there with their greetings. According to the story of my relative's uncle, it seems that they hear bad reviews from parishioners all over the place after the monk took their place. Aren't monks hereditary and parishioners can't choose monks?
My siblings also said they wanted to make the parishioners different. Even if I look it up on the internet, it says that many people have left their parishioners recently, but since my ancestors have been indebted to them for generations, I don't think it's easy... what do you think?
Since there are no complaints about the denomination, is it possible to have them join another parishioners of the same denomination? Or maybe they can't contact Motoyama and have them change their monk? It seems like it will be painful to ask them to come to that temple for every event from now on. Recently, I was ridiculous and laughed when I heard that there is a business that dispatches monks on the internet, but now that I have experienced this kind of experience, I feel like it would be more correct to have them dispatch them.
I was able to understand one current trend.
What do you think I should do?

4 Zen Responses

Why don't you spend a little more time evaluating

Hello, nice to meet you.
First of all, I would like to express my condolences for your father's passing away.

I don't know the actual temple and you, so I'm probably imagining it, but I'd like to think about all the possibilities as much as possible.

I think it was very disappointing in the midst of sorrow that “the monk's attitude and behavior were so bossy that all my relatives disliked it.” The “relative's uncle” seems to live in the temple's hometown, so you probably know the person who the chief priest is to some extent. As for this point, I imagine that there was enough behavior to think so in terms of how you felt.

It says “specify the date and time from above.” I don't like that attitude, as I mentioned earlier, but I think that's the case when it comes to “designation.” This is because even at that temple, there are events and Buddha visits to other houses, and for the most part, the chief priest alone has no choice but to handle it.

“Request an offering in advance or specify the amount of the offering.” It's called “advance payment,” but offerings are not compensation for sutras. It's a gift. I don't know your denomination, so it's hard to say clearly, but you should proceed with the mourner as an offering to the Buddha beforehand. Perhaps you don't live in your hometown, and you're unfamiliar with Buddhist rituals, so the chief priest said it ahead of time. There is a possibility that “specify an amount” was also said in that sense (of course, it's basically a gift, so feel free to do so, but as a realistic exchange). Have you discussed this procedure with your “relative's uncle” or funeral director beforehand?

I wonder if “it's possible to have them join another parishioners of the same denomination.” This is also related to your denomination and regionality, and whether there is a graveyard within the precincts. If there is a graveyard, it will be difficult later.

Also, since there is a relationship between neighboring temples, it may be difficult for the requester to make a request to the temple right next door. “Contact Motoyama and change the monk,” and this is indescribable because each denomination has different directions.

Considering the balance between “monks on the internet” and what I just mentioned, it is difficult to determine whether it is possible to sustain Buddhist rituals.

It may be unintentional, but I think it's a good idea to go out with the monk a little longer to determine, including the possibility that you had a poor relationship with that monk or that you misunderstood due to unfamiliarity.

Unfortunately, there are many such monks...

Why don't you talk to your relatives first?

If there is a tomb in the precincts of that temple
Grave obscuring is necessary.
Negotiations with that chief priest would also be troublesome
You may also be charged a separation fee (originally unnecessary).

If it's not a precincts graveyard
It's not difficult to move to another temple.

If you are a monk registered with this hasunoha
Because it's going to be fine
You can also talk to someone in the same prefecture
I think it's an ant.

The chief priest grew up as a devotee

　It was hard not getting used to it. I'm sorry that your precious family has been missed. In Buddhist funerals, the quality of the monks does not matter, and if the ceremony is performed strictly, they will become Buddha's disciples and live under the Buddha, so don't worry.
Well, the chief priest of the family temple seems to have had a lot of unpleasant feelings. the mourner at the funeral? Thank you for your hard work. In my opinion, the family temple is not just a funeral official who performs funerals. There are funerals and memorial services as part of being sentient. The chief priest's bad points came up this time, but for future relationships, please take a look at your free time, go to the temple, and start by saying hello. Let's show up when there are temple events or sutras, etc., and have the opportunity to interact with the chief priest as much as possible. This period may be difficult, but if the state of emergency is lifted, please prevent it and interact. Then, at some point, I'll be the president, and let's give advice on the chief priest's behavior little by little. Before that, it is essential to determine the strengths and weaknesses. A chief priest is something that grows within a region.
If you are still not convinced, please contact us again
　

A parishioner is not a customer

The monk deserved it to be popular or unpopular due to the monk's attitude, etc.
However, parishioners are not customers.
Rather, the Danke is the operator of the temple, and the monk is the temple's guest. (If the temple is a religious corporation)
Instead of quitting being a parishioner, it is also possible for a parishioner to resign as the chief priest.
Based on that, I think it's a good idea to hear complaints from the temple's parishioners (executives).
If you quit being a parishioner, you will also relinquish your right to use the temple's graveyard and facilities.
The temple is a shared facility for all parishioners, so I also feel like it would be a waste to let go of the “member rights” to use it.

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