How to let go of obsessions

　Mentaiko. I feel like it's softer than the previous sentence. I'm happy to have calmed down so much. I think my current feelings are in a state where I've abandoned my obsession, but isn't that right? From here on, when you start being conscious of abandoning your obsession, it becomes an obsession, and your heart becomes even more painful. Let's just stay the way we feel now for a while.
I saw the stalker news and thought about various things, but as is the case with people like this, I wonder why people involved in crime can't use that feeling in more other places. I think that persistence is an essential quality for researchers to find out the truth. I really want them to take a leap forward in the advancement of science. I think people with strong obsessions will have something very strong against it. It left a great impression on me that during the ascetic training period, those who had no motivation at all in the first year changed into fine monks in the 3rd year. I think if you continue the ascetic practice so that “if you are in the fog, your clothes will get damp,” you will take the form of a monk in its own way. I think this can also be said for many things, so why don't you move forward step by step even though there are twists and turns going forward?

Nice to meet you, Mentaiko
I also read past questions.

You say “obsession,”
I want children as proof that I love them, and I want to hold my own child with this hand.
I think this is an “instinct” as a human being and as a living thing.
However, can't you somehow find a way to give up due to past painful experiences or age issues?
I hear the words of Mentaiko's heart.

If you take a close look at the map of our temple, you'll understand,
Not far away is the Kanazawa East Funeral Hall, the so-called crematorium.
It is also the temple closest to the crematorium, and I have received requests to cremate stillbirths about 3 times in the past and have been present.
It's not in the form of a funeral, so
In a cardboard box or styrofoam container.
Since it's a stillbirth, a “child” about the size of a thumb or small enough to fit in the palm of your hand
However, for parents, and especially for mothers,
It's [life] that dwells in my own body,
The image showing that sorrow and loveliness is still burning in my eyes.

I mentioned an example where there is no other love, but even though the results were sad, don't forget that Mentaiko also had our “child” in her mother's body.
Those “kids” will always be watching over you kindly (and sometimes anxiously) as a “mom” from somewhere.

Giving up on infertility treatment feels like regrets will remain, so
It's not an impatient feeling like before, and while considering each other's physical condition,
Why don't you walk in the same way as if you were spinning love with your husband?
Even if I can't hold my child in your hands in the end,
You are a mother.
Rather than an “obsession,”
Accept the current sorrow and suffering as something unavoidable,
They are watching over me somewhere,
I hope you can live positively for your “children.”

Even when my nephew is against my niece
Please treat them kindly from your mother/aunt's point of view.
I think my point of view will change yo!

Fortunately, I have 3 children.
However, on the way to being blessed with those 3 people
There was one life I couldn't hold in my hands.
Right now, with the feeling that kid is talking to me,
I was asked to write this answer.

No need to be demeaning.

You're a mother too!

　It is selfishness that chains one after another with the obsession “I want to let go of my obsession with children.”

While you want to let go, on the contrary, you can't let go. As someone else first made me realize “was that so” when the image of Mentaiko herself overlapped, I think the obsession gradually drifts away as it accumulates.

I think “having a heart to let go of an obsession” means, on the contrary, to firmly take on one's own obsession without trying to let go of it, and face it head-on.

I felt like Okuma's excellent answer was enough, but I only wanted to get rid of your suffering, so please focus only on eliminating suffering.
I still have a situation I really want. I hoped for it, but I still can't get it.
It may not change for the rest of your life.
We tried to create an ideal situation, but we couldn't get it.
My teacher and father, who is also a Zen teacher, has shown us to learn through “conflict.”
A conflict that is wrapped around a tree and cannot be removed (even if you ask for it) is a conflict itself, and the situation itself is not a crime.
“I'm not looking for any further changes, and I'm not trying to change from there.”
There are endless things you can't get even if you hope for a better situation.
It's definitely that situation, and there's no escape.
There is nothing the tree can do to change that situation on its own.
But nothing more, nothing less.
We humans are probably suffering from the gap because we try to change that situation.
Actually, it is this way of moving the mind that causes suffering.
There are things in this world that just don't turn out the way we want them to.
If you don't get what you ask for, suffering may occur.
It's painful.
If so, let's at least get rid of that pain.
What I felt when I considered myself at that time
Of the place you call it
Not blessed with children
I realized that it was painful because there was a movement of mind trying to change that situation A to an ideal state called B, and that it was difficult because there was a movement of mind trying to make it different.
It depicts an ideal world called B, who wants to have a child that is not the current situation.
But reality cannot be changed by the truth called A. In other words, they are completely ignoring A.
A way of life learned from conflict is accepting, affirming, not seeking, and not disobeying situation A...
It can also be said,
“That's just it”
Learn the true reality of “that's all there is to it” and “that's it.”
I felt that it is important to take the viewpoint of accepting the helpless truth without any dramatization, without any feelings of affection, as it is. If you open your eyes, there is reality. That reality is now reality.
It's about knowing that when you don't seek B and treat it as it is now, your heart is quiet.

Mentaiko

This is Kawaguchi Hidetoshi. This is my humble answer to the question.

“Let's have a heart to let go of obsessions”...

First of all, there is nothing that should be denied in particular about Mentaiko's desire to have children. In order for humans to live, various desires and motivations are necessary, and as long as they are not directed towards bad behavior and are not extreme things that go too far, they are inevitable. In particular, denying the human desire to reproduce is inappropriate because it leads to denial of the meaning of existence of the human species and denial of the meaning of the existence of the self.

Also, if various desires and motivations are directed towards good deeds, of course, they are more recommended. For example, in Buddhism, we don't think it is an obsession to awaken the bodhisattva mind, which is the will to seek enlightenment, and furthermore, to raise that Bodhi mind over and over again to make it blend in, and adjust to a stronger will, as an obsession; rather, it is considered a necessary desire and motivation.

Therefore, in contrast to obsession, what Buddhism originally regards as a problem is attachment to “substance,” and I hope you can think of it as something slightly different from what Mentaiko is thinking a little bit about here.

Of course, when you think about an obsession with a stalker, if you can get rid of your obsession with that target person, that's probably fine, but since there is something called annoyance or ignorance (fundamental ignorance) as the cause of that obsession, there is no fundamental solution unless you treat that annoyance and ignorance.

Since the root cause of ignorance and worry is attachment to “substance,” we regard it as an obsession with the problem.

In particular, in order to get rid of this “reality,” it is necessary to advance the understanding of “sky and fortune” in Buddhism. Therefore, when it comes to “having a heart to let go of obsession,” it is important to understand the rationale of emptiness and good fortune and deal with the worry and ignorance that causes obsession.

And... let's put aside the difficult things about Buddhism for a moment... anyway, I would like to pray that a good “relationship” for having children will go well.

Kawaguchi Hidetoshi Gassho