they died by suicide and became a survivor...

I actually became a suicide survivor myself.
I don't really feel like that
Every day is stifling.

The fact that there are various types of support
Whether it's this site or local information
I've seen it, but the hurdles are high.

When I think I'll call someone I don't know at all and explain my situation...
Rather than the painful feeling of wanting people to listen
The thought that it's mentally tough comes first
I don't feel like using your support either.

When emotional instability continues
I also thought about a mental clinic
I wasn't even able to make a reservation call.

From the hustle and bustle during the search
The wake and funeral... on the 49th
The time around me is going back to normal
I feel like I'm the only one left behind.

I also thought my mind would completely change from this month...
even though I made you suffer alone
The fact that I'm still alive
I feel a sense of incongruity.

I read a lot of questions and answers on this site
I don't think that's what they want
Understanding and practice are completely different things.
Against the death of someone close to you
Is this also natural for the course of feelings
I don't know at all if it's abnormal.

My parents are supposed to have a harder time than anyone else
Please give me a lot of care
Blessed with a kind family,
It's definitely not a tough situation
There are times when I can't do anything mentally.
I'm afraid there will be any adverse effects on the child's growth.

Work hard to do the memorial service as much as possible
I have no choice but to hold it for a lifetime
How should we deal with it
Even if I listen to all kinds of words
I'm still not sure.

How would you feel if it were Mr. Hasunoha
I felt like I could write it a little bit, so I wrote it.
It overlaps with conventional questions and answers
Please read this far
Thank you very much.

Always to the monk's thankful words
I am encouraged.

4 Zen Responses

You must have had a very hard time

I read the story. Having to say goodbye to my younger brother in this way is really painful, and I think there's no place for my heart. Suicide is a sad thing that really has no place for people close to you, including the fact that it makes people around you feel denied all of your relationships. As a monk, I can only recommend wishing for your brother's success and praying for his soul.

However, even if you do this, it's definitely not something that will make your heart feel at ease right away. I think it will take a really long period of mental conflict until my younger brother gains peace of mind in the afterlife and becomes convinced that he was able to attain Buddhism peacefully. Simply praying and praying for souls in the other world will always be a step closer to a comfortable world, including yourself and your younger brother who has left, so I hope you can offer your prayers.

Put your hands together, pray, and if there is a Buddhist altar, offer incense sticks, put your hands together, and remember that your younger brother will look at you from the rest of the world and be happy with the memorial service you perform. I hope you think of it as pouring a bowl of water in a dry desert. Also, please remember that the Buddha is watching right next to you so that the suffering of yourself and your younger brother may be alleviated even a little. I think it's actually really important to make a habit of acting and getting into shape. Please offer your prayers.

It's really painful, isn't it?

your
How you've felt so far
My current feelings too
How do you feel from now on
It's your natural reaction.
Even if the reaction is different from the people around you
Because people are different
It is natural that the reactions are also different.
Don't think of yourself as abnormal.

If more months and days pass
You might start to want to talk.
In that case, please refer to the following site.

http://www.inochinohi-kansai.com/

If you don't mind

I read it.
If you don't mind, please write your thoughts here to the extent possible.
Please slowly write down your feelings that creep up without holding them inside of you.
We're always waiting for you.

One word.

I would like to express my condolences on the passing of my brother.

I'm sorry for your very painful heartache.
In this way, I hope to be healed even a little by being talked about.

Now, it's a harsh expression, but first of all, it's true that they are survivors of suicide, but please don't use it for MMs. Just being aware makes me even more depressed.
My brother chose that path because of his brother's will.
I have no choice but to acknowledge that.

Everyone says it. I wish I had done this. I may listen to you, but that's no one's responsibility. The final decision is yours, and only you know the real reason.
So if we don't know forever, we will all die. There are things you can understand in that dimension, so that's fine.

I have had a similar experience, and every year among the parishioners, people in their late teens to early 20s died by suicide for 3 consecutive years.
It's a sad event, but we must overcome it.

MM must be having a hard time, but first of all, please pray for your younger brother's peace of mind.
I'm sure we'll meet again.

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