About stillbirths

The cremation is tomorrow, so I'll get back to you as soon as possible.

I didn't really understand it from the sentence “Is it better to rush to the crematorium?” but I wonder if my younger brother made an announcement with the nuance of “I want you to come if you can attend.” If the intention was “I want to send it with my family alone, so I don't want you to attend,” they probably won't tell you the date and time...

As for clothes, I hope you can agree with your younger brother's family, but if you don't have time for that, mourning clothes are fine. I think it depends on the region, but in Miyagi prefecture where I live, I've never seen anyone come to the crematorium in plain clothes.

If you can't find the words to play, there's no need to force them to say the words. It's enough that we can put our hands together to remember the happiness of the baby's future. I myself have had 3 children born and 3 children who have had miscarriages. I understand your mother's sorrow. Anyone's words may sound relaxed right now. What is rather important is the coming period when we accept death as a reality.

Stillbirths that have progressed in months place a considerable burden on the mother's body. Originally, you should need as much care as after delivery. You're probably nervous right now, but please be very careful not to overdo it. I think my younger brother and older children, who are in a position to support them, have lost their strength. I think it's reassuring for the family, that if there's anything I can do to help, just a few words of encouragement... even if in reality, there aren't any useful opportunities...

I sincerely apologize, Hirohiro.
As I mentioned in other answers before, Tsuetsuji has been present at the cremation of stillborn children several times due to the fact that there is a crematorium nearby.
The younger brother and his wife in particular seem to be quite physically and mentally damaged.
If you are going to be present at the cremation, I think it's OK to wear plain clothes without mourning clothes.
And isn't it more important than words to snuggle up to them and gently support them?
If a monk recites sutras, please listen quietly and share your sorrow, and firmly accept the grief of your younger brother and wife during the most painful burning, and support your body.
Cremation of stillborn babies takes longer than cremation of adults because they leave soft bones. Just being with them during that difficult time should be enough to support my younger brother and his wife!
It must be hard for Hirohiro too, but I think being with her during that time and sharing her sorrows will be the greatest comfort!

Hirohirosama
Nice to meet you, my name is Tetsuya Urakami from Nagomi-an.

It's been over half a month since my brother, so how about after that?
Have you had a chance to talk with your brother or sister-in-law?

It may be a little late, but if I had to give you one piece of advice, it would be to focus on “listening.” It is difficult for verbal comfort to work effectively against people's worries and suffering.

First, listen carefully. The rest is not to deny the other person's words.
For example, let's say your younger brother or sister-in-law says the miscarriage was “my fault.”
As an older brother, “That's not true!” I think it would be tempting to say that.
But I take a quick look at that and listen to the other person's thoughts.

Have you noticed?
In the sentence above, I used the character “listen” instead of “listen” to the word “listen.”
“Listen” is written as “fourteen hearts without hearing.”
It creates 14 folds in the heart and accepts the other person's worries and suffering through those folds.
It's hard to keep listening, but if the younger brothers open their mouths, please accept them.

Hirohiro-sama

This is Kawaguchi Hidetoshi. This is my humble answer to the question.

After that, I wonder how the younger brother, his wife, and everyone in the family are doing... I'm guessing that there is still more sadness and loneliness... in particular, it seems that the wife's mental and physical burdens are considerable, so I know that support, help, and encouragement not only from the husband, but also from everyone in the family around them will be important.

Also, if I had the chance, I have introduced you several times in Hasunoha's answer, but I believe that if you watch the movie “Born” (http://www.umareru.jp/) by all means, the younger brother and his wife, and of course Hirohiro and his wife, it may be a source of awareness and healing for many things, even just a little bit.

Movie theater screenings have already finished, and no DVDs have been distributed, so I'm sure they will participate in independent screenings nationwide, but I watched Chusei during the national screening, and I really noticed a lot of things, and I'm still thankful for that.

When confronted with a reality where things we take for granted are not taken for granted, we often get lost and suffer... Of course, in Buddhism, it is hoped that we can clearly understand the real world state of this suffering, where it is impossible to take it for granted, and then think about how we should go beyond that worry and suffering.

To that end, when faced with difficulties, it is necessary to face those difficulties head-on and aim for solutions little by little.

Of course, it may take some time to face the painful reality of stillbirth head-on, but I pray that with support, help, and encouragement from everyone around you along with the definite memorial service of Mizuko, you will be able to face each other little by little, and eventually overcome suffering and sorrow through various healings and realizations.

Kawaguchi Hidetoshi Gassho