I'm afraid of monks

Thank you, Kuro-san, for writing. I'm sorry to hear that your mother passed away.

You've gone on a terrible rant. I presume that Kuro-san himself was also very hurt by the violence in front of his relatives. Even though there was a fault in the Makura Sutra incident, it is natural for everyone to be upset if someone close to them suddenly dies. Was he a monk who couldn't even imagine that kind of thing? As the same monk, I feel sad.

If it's such a terrible temple, I think we should already change the temple we are in a relationship with. I recommend looking for a reliable temple and moving there.

[I will add a comment to the words of thanks]

Thank you, Kuro-san, for taking the time to listen to your complaint in a thank-you comment. If it's Kuro-san's situation, I don't think it's strange that distrust of temples and monks changes to disgust, and she doesn't want to get involved with temples or monks anymore. Nevertheless, they repeated their words while saying that they were complaining, and I would like to express my gratitude for that.

It's a good idea to look for a good temple, even if it bothers you. What kind of temple is a good temple also differs from person to person. It takes a bit of courage, but I think it's okay to visit in person or make a phone call. Also, you may be able to search based on the comments of monks and regions that write on hasunoha.

There's no such thing as my mother being sad because Kuro-san did something selfish. he's a despicable monk who uses the dead as a shield.

I don't think it's good that they didn't explain the Makura Sutra in detail, and I'm imagining that the situation where neither the temple nor the funeral director could be trusted would have been really difficult.

I waited 2 to 3 hours, but that was convenient for the monk, even if it was time to interact with children. Just listening, I'm getting really angry too. I wonder how tired Kuro-san was after dealing with such monks over and over again. Thank you so much for your hard work.

Even monks do it when they are upset. I don't know what that would be like, though. My parents passed away, things I had to do suddenly come up, and I'm really tired. I don't think getting tired is a bad thing.

[Postscript 2]
There are no more characters left, so keep it brief. Thanks again, Kuro-san, for commenting. I also hope that I can find a temple I can trust that will listen to Kuro-san's story. It should be there.

　I read what was written in the question, and I feel sorry. My father suddenly appointed me as a mourner, and I think it was difficult for Kuro-san too. There are at most 2 to 3 opportunities to become a mourner in a lifetime. Moreover, it has been observed and heard to some extent, and I think there are many cases where people in their 50s to 70s experience it. I think they would be in a hurry if they were suddenly left to it at Kuro-san's age, and I think they would be puzzled. Didn't your relatives or neighbors have any good support roles?
I think I was just confused about what to do. Also, when I read the question text, it seems that I haven't been able to communicate with Mr. Bodaiji on a daily basis.

The way to proceed with the funeral differs depending on the region, denomination, and temple. Incidentally, in the case of my temple, it proceeds as follows.

1. Get notified by the bereaved family that they have passed away. Decide the date and time of the Makura Sutra.

2. Perform the Makura Sutra, and decide the funeral schedule through discussions with the bereaved family, family temple, and funeral home.

3. Have a meeting with the bereaved family at the family temple to discuss the deceased's name of the deceased and the scale of the funeral (whether to ask for help from a monk other than the chief priest, etc.).

4. Work on vigils, funerals, cremations, and memorial services.

Discuss the dates of the memorial service and ossuary for the 5th and 49th with the bereaved family at the family temple.

A memorial service and ossuary will be held on the 6th and 49th.

It's also important to discuss funeral plans with the funeral home, but it makes sense to do a pillow sutra first and then decide the funeral schedule. Even as a mourner, they didn't know how to do it, and I think they were confused. It was clearly a mistake that I forgot to contact them about the date and time of the Makakurō Sutra. Even funeral directors say, before discussing plans, “Let's ask the family temple to do the pillow sutras and decide on the schedule.” You should be recommending it to the bereaved family. I don't think the funeral director's arrangements are good either.

I became the chief priest for 33 years, and I have the experience of working for the funerals of parishioners and helping with the funerals of neighboring temples. Shamefully, I have pointed out the mistakes and misunderstandings of mourners and bereaved families to the bereaved families at the funeral site or after the funeral was over. Looking back, I think there were times when they were harsh and pointed out mistakes in a loud voice. We must reflect.
It's not good to get angry or yell. If you think about the position of bereaved families who are grieving after losing their family, it is important to use kind words of comfort. Therefore, the chief priest also has something to reflect on. I'm sorry that there was a mismatch.

I read it.
I don't know the circumstances of the incident in detail, but as the same monk, I sincerely apologize for the fact that such a monk acted very disrespectful to you and everyone, and that they were also in great sorrow after your mother passed away, and that they were power harassed. I think you really didn't like it. I'm sorry.

And I pray with all my heart that your mother will be at ease. Shishin Gassho Nanmu Amida Buddha Namu Amidabutsu

The mother was always guided by the Buddha and the close people and ancestors who went first greet her kindly. Under the Buddha, the mother feels at peace with her ancestors from the bottom of her heart and is saved from any hesitation and suffering. The mother is taught only by the Buddha and is able to attain Buddhism cleanly and smoothly.
Together with your ancestors, your mother always gently watches over you, your father, and everyone.
The relationship between you and your mother will continue for a long time to come.

Please sincerely put your hands together with your mother for the memorial service, and please honestly convey your feelings for your mother to your mother. Your mother is close to your thoughts and will continue to support you.

I sincerely pray to your mother that you will continue to cherish your relationship with your mother and live a truly rich and happy life together with all of you.

I think it is desirable to calm down and think carefully about those monks and temples, including future memorial services.
If they clearly have a high-pressure attitude and seem to only ask for money from above, it might be a good idea to talk to the Danshi Officer and General Manager. I think it's okay if you talk to your relatives.
If that monk or temple's attitude doesn't change and they are always angry and coercive, their constitution probably won't change, so let's consider changing the family temple as well. Or I think it's okay to talk to the temple's head temple.

Anyway, first of all, please make a memorial service for your mother while caring for each other with all your heart. Also, please calm down and calmly consider the future before making a decision.

In the midst of being upset like that
Your words and actions were unavoidable.
From our point of view, it was within our expectations.

but my pride was hurt by your words and actions
The chief priest probably behaved harshly.
Maybe the chief priest had another intention
If you don't listen to that opinion, you won't know the truth
At least it's true that I misunderstood you.

If you plan to change temples
Put down the grave before the first anniversary of his death
It would be easier if you cut ties early.

What are your bones
if you're allowed, is it my husband's grave?
Do you want to prepare a new grave
There are many ways to do ossuary.

Kuro-san

I have received your feelings.
Originally, I feel very sorry that the precious time to remember my mother who passed away was at the mercy of my exchange with the monks, and I feel sorry as the same monk.

As for the Makakura-kyo case, I think getting angry when they don't get in touch is out of the question. It's normal to imagine what kind of situation it is.

On the other hand, the Makura Sutra is very important. That's because it's a time to surround the deceased and remember them together. Then, I listened carefully to the story, and when adding a commandment, I use it as a reference for adding something unique to that person.

I think it is the duty of a monk to proceed while being satisfied with the bereaved family about why the Makakurō Sutra is necessary, what is the meaning of a funeral, etc. Without that, I think it's strange that the temple side says a lot of things unilaterally. Rather, I think it was the temple's negligence.

Even when it comes to alms, there are rough guidelines, and above all else, I think it is necessary to share the meaning of donation. The fact that the amount of money is low without telling them about it is nothing other than having it.

Certainly, I think 50,000 yen is less than a guide, but I have the impression that “one 0 is missing” said by the temple is expensive.

However, it would be strange to be told this and that depending on the amount of the donation. There are probably different circumstances, too.

Above all else, it was Oteragawa's responsibility that created distrust. Please don't worry too much about it and make it a point to mourn.

　I feel sorry for Kuro-san, mother Nirvana. You must be very tired. Please take care of yourself.
As shown above, the answers from other monks are correct, so I would like to say some advantages to thieves.
First of all, I think the monk who had his funeral this time is the family temple. Do you interact on a regular basis? Have you been visiting Obon prayers or temple events recently? My relationship with Mr. Bodaiji is a regular exchange. This can also be said for monks. If you don't talk to them from a monk, you have to talk to them from a devotee. If you don't like chief priests, talk to people who are easy to talk to, say deputy chief priests, Okura-san, bosomori-san, and temple wives.
The reason for this failure is that no matter how much you were entrusted with the mourner, you should have asked your father to negotiate with the family temple, and you should have been in charge of the funeral home and administration.
Another thing is that there wasn't much interaction between the family temple and your family. If you don't know the family structure even though it's a family temple, you're disqualified as a chief priest.
If it were me, I'd apologize first. After all, the protagonists are the deceased and the bereaved families. Monks are just helpers. Monks bow their heads the more it grows like an ear of rice.
Is Obon coming soon? It continues with Ohigan, but first let's apologize for what we should apologize for, and first interact with the wife at the temple so that we can arrange an exchange.
If time is set, the chief priest may also feel sorry.
If the chief priest still complains, please contact us again.