How to recover from a love affair with a childhood friend

　This is the student who made the call in question. Please lend us your wisdom.

I have had a romantic relationship with my childhood friend over the past few years, with whom I have been together for close to 15 years. We both fell in love with each other and were so dependent on each other that they said we couldn't do without this person, but my girlfriend broke up with them the other day. I'll refrain for some reason, but it's almost impossible to repair the relationship because of the reason. Since it was a sudden story that wasn't a conclusion after hating each other, I was overwhelmed by self-loathing myself, who couldn't throw away my regrets and kept on talking nonchalantly. My family was also on good terms with each other, and they loved her like an older sister, so I think of her in every corner of my daily life. In particular, I can't forget her dream of eating side by side as a family in the future, so I'm in a situation where I can't even eat. I seriously understand that I have to get back on my feet quickly, but even so, my love for her hasn't changed, so it seems like recovering would blaspheme my relationship up until now.

Another thing that bothers me is that, as mentioned above, I was like a family with her, so I accepted her shortcomings with a kind of abandonment. We've always had a good relationship where we said clearly if there was something we didn't like, and scolded each other for things that didn't happen. Among them, my own sweetness, which I cannot be insulated even if I know what my family doesn't like, and that can be taken insane when viewed from the surroundings, seems to be the cause of my current depression and agony. I'm talking with her about starting again as childhood friends. I also considered choosing not to get in touch with her again, but even so, I can't hate her enough, so I hope we can have a good relationship even if we can't go back to where we were before.

It took a long time to write it down to my heart, but I would like to ask for advice on how I can change my feelings for her as much as possible, and advice on what I can do about her just the way she is.

4 Zen Responses

The Heart of Mercy

It's sad.
But it's probably unavoidable.

To love in Buddhism is to have a heart of mercy.
Compassion means wishing for her happiness and understanding and getting rid of her suffering.
Please have mercy.
If she's happy, think that's fine.
It might be a little painful, but it's important.

I'm sure there are others who would be happy to have you by your side.

even if you follow a girlfriend from the past, it's an illusion

Sakura Ebisan

There are no more girlfriends you know or cannot forget from the past. Right now, she doesn't love you anymore.
Please take a look at her now. There's no room for you to get attached. There is no choice but to switch. I have no choice but to give up.
Please be aware of that.

The reason I can't switch is because I'm chasing my memories and memories. Please take a look at reality.

Can you taste it?

Nice to meet you, Ebi Sakura.

Sakura Ebi had a great love affair with her childhood friend, and although they were dependent on each other, they broke up. I'm familiar with it too. I had a big relationship, and even though I was dreaming of eventually starting a family with this person, the breakup came all of a sudden. There was a gaping hole in my heart that was too big to fill.

I talked to a senior in my life who worked as a counselor about my heartbreak. Then, my senior in life said:
“It's good to experience heartbreak”

Can you do that! I was angry, but as time went by, I think that was right. If you search for a methodology, you'll get stuck. I run wild when I only look at emotions. It was the best medicine to taste as a third party.

In Buddhism, tasting is called Sanmai (Sanmai).
I'm praying that Ebi Sakura will reach a state of infatuation.

Good evening.

> I'll refrain for some reason, but it's almost impossible to repair the relationship because of the reason.
It's just a guess, but I'm sure you want to protect her honor. You've been betrayed, but you still care about her. This is called love in Buddhism.
I don't know how many years you've been living, but looking at it from the standpoint of 10 or so years of experience, you think it's “almost impossible.” Once you give up, it's better to think about it.
It might be an eternal farewell. Also, they might meet again by accident. There are also people close to me who say “after leaving college, I was reunited with my friends from kindergarten and got married.” All of the world, what you perceive, is limited by “what I can see from my field of view right now.” In English, now I see that she has gone forever. It's an indirect way of speaking.
So, since I'm going to college now, I think it's a good idea to focus on that first. It's out of season, but Hikoboshi and Orihime from Tanabata were also devoting themselves to their respective jobs after being torn apart. And then we meet again. At that time, don't you want people to think, “Oh, this person is more mature and wonderful than before.” Hidaka Toshitaka (ethology), Takeuchi Kumiko, Ikeya Yuji (this is brain science), Buddhist books, literature, etc. If the “I” just now changes, everything in the world you can see will change. I'm rooting for you.
P.S.
By the way, what if by any chance she never comes to see this hasunoha? Wouldn't it be better to check your profile details and public settings again?

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