I'm suffering from infertility

Today seems like a day where sympathetic questions continue to be asked...

My husband and I don't have children either, but we decided to give up a few years ago.

There are many times when my feelings are shaken even when I make up my mind.
Photos of children's birth and growth on New Year's cards that arrive on New Year's. It's funny, but it makes my heart tingle a little.
When I see reports on TV that famous people have become pregnant at an older age or have given birth at an older age, my heart is in turmoil.

The monk couple I respect also don't have children, but “there is joy that can be obtained by having children, and there is pain to be gained. There is joy that can be obtained without children, and there is suffering to be gained.”

That's right! Even if I try to convince myself, I still can't get through it.

I think they'll give up when it comes to the 60th birthday, but I'm sure around that time they will see friends with grandchildren and be distressed by envy.

There is no solution other than having children. I can only tell you that there are people who have the same suffering. Let's go through our worries and suffering together.
Oh, but if Yokoton had a child, I would send my sincere blessings and a little bit of jealousy (wry smile).

One thing, that sounds like a boy.
People don't just grow up with their parents. According to one theory, there are 200 irreplaceable people in our lives. I hope to become an “irreplaceable person” for many people, even if they don't have a direct relationship to raise children.

Yokoton-sama

This is Kawaguchi Hidetoshi. This is a humble answer to the question.

Master Uragami answered, “I hope to become an “irreplaceable person” for many people, even if I don't have a direct relationship to raise children.” ... I think this is a really great answer.

Assuming that all sentient beings are “children of the Buddha,” and like the love parents give to their children in the world, the Buddha and the Bodhisattvas assume that all sentient beings that are lost and suffering are their own children, and it can be said that the purpose of Buddhism is to become an “irreplaceable existence for many people.”

This is similar to the “Bodhi Heart,” which is important to us in walking Buddhism, and in the case of us ordinary people, all sentient beings are regarded as “mothers,” not “children,” and if all sentient beings have been my mothers over the past generations, I want to save those once very thankful mothers and mothers who are still lost in reincarnation and suffering at any cost, and for that reason, it is required to awaken the “Bodhi Heart” by walking Buddhism with the aim of enlightenment It will be. Regarding “Bodhi Heart,” I hope you can refer to the following humble opinion for details.

“Bodhi Mind Theory”
http://t.co/aSBtLQQI

Also, whether you have children or not, “happiness” depends on the state of your mind. Even if there are children, there are so many “unhappy” cases (anxiety, worry, bondage, sacrifice, abuse, neglect, parasite, delinquency, domestic violence...), and in this world where children, families, relatives, friends, peers... are impermanent, they are empty beings without substance, and they are not something that can be captured by nature and attached to. It's almost impossible for things to go the way you want them to go. ※Of course, even though it's “sky,” it's not “nothing,” and in the end, it all just exists as an “edge.” (The middle road between no and nothing)

Also, while seeking a “relationship” without giving up, I think there are still more ways to have various “children,” such as changing the way you look at it, adopting a child, becoming a foster parent, etc.

Of course, even as we make efforts to obtain new “relationships,” I want to spend my days “feeling safe” without forgetting to appreciate and repay for being supported by various “relationships” until now, and not forgetting that it is “empty.”

Kawaguchi Hidetoshi Gassho

To Yokoton-sama

Unfortunately, many couples with similar problems come to me for advice.
I think the two of them are walking together while having a very painful feeling.
Thank you for sharing your honest feelings. Gassho

There are things in life where no matter how hard you try, you don't do anything.
We have no choice but to accept that fate.
Apparently ideals and missions are different...

First, please cherish the relationship between the two couples.
And what is important to both of you
Think about that and use the answers that came up in your future life
Isn't it important to live a carefull life?

My mentor didn't shed a single tear when my real mother died.
When I asked, “Aren't you sad?”
“They are more nurturing parents than creators.”
Actually, when my mentor was a child, I was separated from my biological mother, taken in to a temple, and raised by my foster parents.
A nurturing mother is superior to a mother who gave birth over blood density, right?
In the first place, married couples are also originally strangers.
However, it is also said that the saddest thing when they pass away is when they have lost a partner they loved more than the death of an immediate family member.
It is only emotional ties that are stronger than blood relationships that can become a “real family.”
If you really want a child, we recommend that you adopt one.

The other is the path of being given.
Being aware of the wonderful presence that was originally there.

When you're looking for something.
I want you to know that asking itself is a form of wanting something that isn't there, so small tragedies have occurred.

It means that there are beings that are neglected because they want something that isn't there.

For example, even though the floor in the room is tatami, the tatami craftsman cries when they ask that the flooring is good.
When the meal that came out was rice, if they wanted bread, the life of the rice grown over a year was taken lightly, and farmers are also sad.
If you want a boy or girl and you don't, that kid will be sad for the rest of his life.
Please don't forget that something or someone will become pale by not being given a child by any means, and even so, being asked to want it no matter what.

When you're looking for something new called Z,
The value of A that was given right in front of me is damaged and lost.
(☝ Please reread it over and over again)

“It's different from the A in front of you,
From the moment I wanted Z, which is something else,
The wonderful colors of A's blessings, which I had been having a great time with until then, have faded away like I had no appearance.”

From the moment I started wanting something that wasn't here,
Light has stopped pouring into the wonderful, comfortable world that I had enjoyed until a while ago.
Please pour in some light.

No matter what you lose, it's a gift. Once you become aware of this reason, you won't be lost.
May you walk this path of bestowal, even if you don't gain it, you won't be lost.