I'm currently pregnant.

Nice to meet you. I'm currently pregnant.
I'm about to give birth in about 2 months.

That's me, but it was the end of October of the year before last.
I had an abortion.
I was 3 months pregnant at the time. This is my first pregnancy and my partner is my current husband. (My boyfriend at the time)

At first, my boyfriend (husband) told me to give birth, and being ignorant and stupid, I took those words in between and thought that 2 people could give birth.
However, the reality wasn't that easy, and I had an abortion.
After that, backwards thoughts and positive thoughts began to intersect.

Then, at the end of September last year, almost a year would pass. My second pregnancy was discovered.

This pregnancy was different from the previous pregnancy, and the story progressed at a rapid pace.
Meanwhile, I originally decided that my partner (husband) and my parents went to the temple for a memorial service 2 days after 1 year had passed since the memorial service for my deceased child.
Write a bill to raise a water child and a bill to pray for safe delivery, and have them set it on fire
We put our hands together by offering sweets for babies, flowers bought by my partner (husband), and a small bouquet I bought.

At that time I
“I know he's selfish, but please don't take this kid with you”
Even though I killed that kid, I thought it was such a terrible thing.

Unlike the previous one, the story progressed smoothly about this pregnancy, and I felt a sense of guilt and happiness as the pregnancy progressed smoothly.

“Things didn't go so smoothly when I was that kid,”
“I can't believe she's trying to give birth to a baby because of the habit that killed her”

As my pregnancy progressed, I was able to see that it was moving gradually, and I began to feel even happier.
However, the moment I suddenly wonder if that's OK, I really think.

After surgery, at the end of the month, we always offer flowers or something suitable for that month.
If it's January, it's called a New Year's gift and it's rice crackers for babies. Peach blossoms are in March.
It's a little early now, but I'm decorating a small koi streamer.

The worst bad mother who can only do that and killed that child gave birth to her baby about 2 months later, and is it really permissible to become a mother?

I've heard that Rei Mizuko is very pure, but does that girl really hate me?

Why did she choose me?
And why did this hungry kid choose me as her mother?

It's been a long time, but I would appreciate your answers.

4 Zen Responses

Mizuko is also your precious child.

It was a painful experience, but it taught me the importance of life.
Some religious people teach that “Mizuko is cursed,” but I have explained that “there is absolutely no curse.” That's because what children love most is their mother. No matter how abused she is, I won't hate my mother. If something unfortunate happens, it is because of myself living a lifestyle that makes Mizuko.
Ao-san has already thought and reflected on Mizuko, poured out her love, and held a memorial service. I think children are happy in the spirit world. And giving the love you were supposed to give your child to your next child is what makes Mizuko's child the happiest. Please remember to raise water children about once a year. Also, please reflect on your own way of life through Mizuko and walk a path where both husband and child will be happy. That should be the best memorial service. Gassho

That kid is that kid.

Ao-sama

This is Kawaguchi Hidetoshi. This is a humble answer to the question.

I'm sure that kind girl came back to the two of them again.

thank you very much.

I pray for safe delivery and healthy growth for your child.

Please do your best to pour out your love to the two of you who are on good terms and kind children.

Kawaguchi Hidetoshi Gassho

My first baby has guided me through the current situation.

No matter how old they are,
No matter how they die,
Everyone becomes a Buddha.

That baby too
Now, as a Buddha
They are watching over me.
As Buddha, we are happy together.

I think so
It will be the best memorial service for that baby.

Choose the right parents for you

It's selfish of a living person not to hold a grudge even if they're killed. I have a grudge against my first child. How dare you kill him! and. I'm filled with feelings of betrayal.
I have no choice but to apologize. Survive a life of apologies. That's all you did.
If you look at your question, it seems like you have enough of those thoughts. They are also moving into action. Keep doing that for the rest of your life. Don't worry. Don't worry.
When your second child is born, tell them “this is your older brother or sister,” and don't neglect the memorial service until your second child comes of age.
And this is the most important thing.
If you are asked how many children do you have
Please answer immediately, “There are two people.”

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