What is a memorial service

My mother died in a car accident 10 years ago. After that, my older sister took in my mother's Buddhist altar and my father, who lived alone. However, when she passed away, my older sister and father had a tremendous fight with my older sister, father, and I, which led to a tremendous fight, so I am isolated from my older sister. I hardly have any contact with my father either. I am grateful that you are taking care of my sister. But since 10 years have passed under such circumstances, I can't go to the Buddhist altar hand in hand. So instead, I join hands every year on New Year's to a temple that has the same zodiac sign as my mother for the first time. Wouldn't that alone be a memorial service? There is a high level of awareness of ancestor worship in my area, so it is sometimes said that bad things will happen if there is a shortage of memorial services. In my own way, what kind of attitude and what kind of things should I do to hold a memorial service in the current situation...
Thank you for taking the time to read my questions while I was busy practicing. I look forward to working with you.

4 Zen Responses

How to do a memorial service

I saw the question
It is said that her older sister is insulated and doesn't hold hands on the Buddhist altar, but she always thinks about her mother and makes her own memorial service, but I think that alone is a memorial service, but it's probably not enough.
What kind of relationship did your mother have with your older sister during her lifetime?
Were they always in a relationship where they quarreled and didn't even listen? Or were they just normal sisters who also quarreled?
Either way, I think parents want the sisters to get along well.
I also have children, and I want them to stay on good terms forever.
That is my parents' wish.

So, as a suggestion, why don't you go to your older sister's place once because you think it can't be helped even if you get scolded, made up with, or driven back?

If all the sisters put their hands together, I don't think there would be a better memorial service as parents.
If you think you want to do a real memorial service for your mother, why not take action?

Being able to share with 3 parents and children is the best thing, but...

Isn't it possible to share something with your older sister? I'm sure your older sister is also filled with the desire to share it with you. Isn't this the best memorial service for ancestors and deceased mothers? They're sisters, so I think we can understand each other even if a lot of things happen along the way. Isn't that Ni's mother's filial piety? Why don't you put up with it and apologize if you're sorry, older sister? Both your ancestors and your mother will be delighted. I can't seem to think that the reason you were consulted here in this way is that kind of relationship. “Be nice with your sister!!” I mean. Are there any more memorial services than that?
I don't know why they got into a fight. But rather than living backwards, how about starting a new parent-child and sister relationship for the future?
It seems that the meaning is different from the original meaning of “memorial service” in Buddhism. A memorial service refers to sincerely offering offerings such as incense, flowers, lights, food and drink, etc. to Buddha, Bodhisattva, etc. In Japanese folk religion, memorial services for the dead and ancestors are particularly often called memorial services, but derived from now on, they are also widely called memorial services in the sense of dealing with the dead regardless of Buddhism. Originally, a memorial service is an act of thanking the Buddha for teaching and for having a “relationship” with a monk, but it has the meaning of rejoicing at the “relationship” that we have made use of in this way.
This is a memorial service if you appreciate the fact that it has various relationships and relationships with life.
When ancestors or Mizuko are the target of memorial services, they are called “ancestral spirits” or “Mizuko spirits” as vengeful spirits that act as “haunted spirits.” A memorial service is “respecting,” “praying,” and “receiving with respect.”
It means something like that. A memorial service for your ancestors and mother is to thank yourself for who you are now being kept alive by your ancestors and mother and do your best to survive.
I sincerely wish you all the best.
PostScript
Thank you so much for telling me something that is hard to say. There are various problems hidden in that family home, aren't there? I believe that reflection = awareness and appreciation are basic in Buddhism, and from that standpoint, you have taken sufficient care of yourself, and you are forgiven and loved by the Buddha, your ancestors, and your mother.
There is enough memorial service for being thanked every day at home.
I wish everyone in the family happiness.

Give alms to a wife

The Lotus Sutra explains that children and children will be given to the Buddha. Let your wife, wife, or family help the Buddha with his work.
The Buddha's job is to spread the Namu Myōhō Renge Kyō throughout the world. If you sing the Namu Myōhō Lotus Sutra and sparing no time sparing your voice, you will help the Buddha in his work. As a result, memorial services are held for those who died as they were. This is called causal kakuji (inga-guji).
Normally, it is said that results come out after the cause has occurred, but in the Namu Myōhō Renge Kyō, cause and effect occur at the same time, so the figure of you reciting the title is the image of the person who died attaining Buddha as it is.
Please take this opportunity to know the right method and properly hold a memorial service.

A memorial service is sharing the blessings of the Buddha.

I understand how you feel. I am impressed by the sight of you holding a memorial service in memory of your mother.
To put it simply, a memorial service is about sharing the blessings of the Buddha. Remembering a mother who has become a Buddha and sharing her memories and achievements is called a memorial service.
There is no fixed form for memorial services. It is also a great memorial service for you to go to a temple that enshrines the same zodiac sign as your mother on your first pilgrimage and put your hands together.
Continuing to keep your heart clean without trying to resolve your feelings about your father or your older sister right away is the best memorial service for your mother.

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