Please tell me how to cut the edge. Continued

I've been having discussions for a long time where I'm worried about being ignored by my husband.
I think there's also my personality problem. I also understood very well that the personality I was born with cannot be easily changed.

If I had lived with my husband, the results might have been different, but none of them were accepted.

This is my current feeling that I want to keep as a record of the letter I wrote to my husband and Hasunoha on the internet.

What kind of discussions did I want to have over the past year about the future
That was the only fact that remained.

How many phone calls have you made,
How many times have you sent e-mails
How many times have you written a letter
There are no records.

But only you know that fact.
That's proof.

Even if I make any more phone calls
Even if I write an email
All I know is that even when I write a letter, I don't get a reply.

I've also learned that just being close to your mom and the dorm is absolutely not allowed.
It came at an unusually fast pace if you didn't get close.

When is my next day off and when can we meet
The fact that I'm in trouble and remorse means that no matter how long I waited, there was no answer.

Only the facts of the past year remained.

I accept that they won't be able to discuss it.
I also accept that you won't be able to meet me no matter what.

I accept that they won't even talk about my divorce.
Understood.

I accept that I don't intend to do that while I'm alive.
I understand it very well.

Let's do whatever you want.
I understand it very well.

From here on, to the Osho side

A husband who can't touch or talk is just like a dead person anymore.
Treating a dead person the same way I am talking to a dead person is nothing more than that for me right now.

That's what being ignored means, isn't it?
There's no room for improvement. If I don't stop torturing myself with this problem any more, I'm going to freak out.

My husband is dead. If you think so, I can appreciate it.