hasunoha

It's so painful that I die from regrets about my divorce

It's been a few years since I got divorced with my children, and I'm about to be crushed by intense regrets. Until now, I was desperate to balance work and child-rearing, and I couldn't think of anything else, but when I learned that my ex-husband had a partner to live with, I suddenly looked back on my life up until now, and realized a lot of things at once.
I was raised by parents who were overprotective and interfering, and I was strongly instilled in my subconscious mind that I must be a “good child” for my parents from an early age. It was deeply internalized unconsciously, so I didn't notice it myself, and I thought that following my parents' intentions was filial piety, and that not complying with them was filial piety and useless as a human being. So I didn't even understand my own feelings, and I had the illusion that what my parents said was my own idea, and every time my parents said bad about my ex-husband, I thought it was my own feeling.
My true feeling wasn't that I didn't like my ex-husband, and even though I didn't need to get divorced, I realized that my ex-husband had put up with bad feelings for a long time, and now that I'm aware, I can honestly take care of my husband, but there's nothing but hopelessness when I think that will never come true again.
I also searched for a way to die for the first time, but I'm desperate to stop thinking about children. I'm doing my best just trying to behave normally in front of my kids, and it's hard to breathe every day. You probably know in your head that you can't change the past and that you have to live in the present, but when you think about children leaving the nest in the near future, you are confronted with a sense of loss and loneliness that you are really alone, and you feel hopeless.
I know I have to keep living, but I'm still suffering from regret, loneliness, and anxiety, and I don't know how to live. It is probably my self-worth that I have despised the things I should cherish without ever being able to truly separate myself from my parents after a good age.
Day by day is so painful that I don't have the confidence to live. How can we live?

3 Zen Responses

Even if it's not the best, it's next best

Hello.

“It's so painful that I die from the regrets of my divorce.”
I understand how you feel.

It seems that the English novelist William M. Thackeray left the following words.

Loving someone is the best thing.
Loving and losing that person is the next best thing.

You wrote, “Now I can honestly respect my true feelings and cherish my husband.” I feel like your feelings are condensed into this one sentence. “If it were now.” If I could get that person by loving them, I think that would be great.

However, I know that getting the best is “never going to come true again.” This is probably where it's difficult.

However, as the previous writer said, I don't think just loving someone by loving them is loving them. Loving and losing that person is also a form of loving and loving someone.

If you think about it in terms of results theory, it wasn't necessarily the best form.
However, once they loved and were loved, they became a married couple.
It certainly happened at that time.
It was in the past, but it was there.

I loved him and lost that person.
You lose it because you've earned it once.
Because I gained, I lost.

On the other hand, it looks like you have children who followed you during your divorce. Also, I think there are times when I feel “a sense of loss and loneliness that I am really alone” due to the reality that “children will leave the nest in the near future.”

However, your child is your child no matter how long it has passed.
Someday, I think there will be times when that spouse or grandchild will also be brought along.
Wouldn't the form of love built with your former husband continue to be your new source of life?

Even if it's not the best, it's next best.
I thought there might be such a way of looking at it.

Be alive

It's called “loneliness.”
If it's loneliness of your own choosing, you'll feel refreshed and exhilarating.
However, we often suffer from unwanted loneliness in our lives.
Even if you think it's the best choice at that time, you often regret it later.

I can't fill your loneliness. You have no choice but to fill your loneliness with your strength. But please don't despair. My life isn't over yet. Please look forward. It doesn't matter if it's little by little, it's about looking forward little by little. When mighty suffering stands in front of you, it is likely that you will succumb to your own weakness and suffering. But it's the same for everyone. I was also tired of fighting illness for a long time, and I fell down over and over again. Even so, it survived even when crawling on the ground. Even if I'm down now, I'll stand up again. It's a repetition of that. That is what the world we live in is like. It's a “shaba-world” where you have to endure suffering and live.

Also, what I want you to remember is that nobody is bad. Your parents aren't bad either. Neither you nor your former husband are at fault.
Again, the world we were born into is a world where we endure suffering.
I'm sure everyone is doing their best. I'm living desperately.
For those of you who are in the midst of suffering right now, I think you can only think of your own suffering. I think it's going to be really hard. But actually, if you look around, there are many people who are suffering just like you. Still, I'm trying to live somehow. Me too.
There will always come a time when I can calmly watch my current suffering. I live my life to be able to do that.

There are times when I feel like giving up. But please don't give up. Live the present to the fullest while suffering. Ahead of that, there will always come a time of peace of mind.

I'm always praying that the time will come when peace will come for you and the many people who are suffering.

Worship

Get back together because the daughter needs her father's presence

First, shouldn't you just show this sentence to your husband and tell it to him? Rather than talking about such backgrounds and circumstances to those of us who are neither family members nor companions, we should hope for a reunion with the “husband” who should have accompanied us for the rest of our lives as a spouse/family before apologizing for that matter.
If you can fluently tell someone you don't know, please tell them about that past and try again. Also for my child. for you too. And also because of the existence of a father.
Your husband's cohabitation is also your husband's crime. You drove your husband into a crime you should pay for. It's not just about saying bad things about the partner, it's not just about the couple, but building the best and best relationship for the cute little girl they've been given, which is the right choice.
Financial support should also be necessary to continue raising young ladies in the future.
Please try to get back together 3 times.
I'm sure young ladies will smile even more if they are on good terms with dad and mom rather than having a fight.
Shouldn't we abandon our emotional feelings and properly correct our trajectory for the happiness of our children?
The fact that the other person can't forgive you can't forgive is also a human sense of self.
In the insect world, queen bees mate with many males. Moria frogs are also polygamous.
Conversely, lions and fur seals mate with many females.
Absolutely, if you want to have an affair, you have no choice but to marry a gibbon or penguin, but even Momotaro wouldn't do that with a monkey and a bird. https://detail.chiebukuro.yahoo.co.jp/qa/question_detail/q13151906343
Humans have something called human sexuality.
That kind of show monality is not something humans created by themselves.
That said, cheating and infidelity are not something that should be considered good, and Ishida Junichi, who has said that infidelity is culture, etc., did it himself, and is currently brainwashed by Payo ● in front of the Diet and turned into a deteriorated left wing, and is not living a way of life praised by anyone.

There's just the word divorce. Getting back together is possible now. Even if you slay people for justice, you are also the perpetrator.
That's why religion has existed since ancient times.
When humans make mistakes, what heights do they take their minds from there?
Since there is a partner, it is a relationship that should be improved with the husband who is that partner. Family rather than pride. We look forward to the good news. ✨