I want to hold a memorial service for the deceased that I wanted to be close to...

This is my first time consulting with you.

Recently, someone I had been in a relationship with for about 27 years passed away due to illness.
We had just talked on the phone 3 weeks before he passed away...
I still can't believe that he passed away, there are no tears, and I'm in a state where I myself cannot accept it. They have been irreplaceable for a long time, and due to various circumstances, I wasn't allowed to attend the funeral, and since I wasn't registered, of course, I couldn't tell them the kaimyo, and I still have a strong desire to do memorial services for the deceased.

The deceased was the Buyama school of the Shingon sect (I think?) I am a member of the Jodo Shinshu Honganji school (I don't have a Buddhist altar because my parents are still alive, and I live separately from my parents).

There are different denominations, but are there any temples where you can hold memorial services for the deceased (common name)? What is known is the date of death, age of death, common name, zodiac sign, and date of birth. If it's something I can do, I don't have a Buddhist altar in place of a Japanese table at home, but I'm thinking about a small Kannon, but I'm thinking about a small Kannon, but the denomination is different, isn't it okay?
There seems to be a home memorial service even for different denominations, but what kind of things do you need to prepare?

If you get advice about memorial services, it will make me feel very at ease.

Thank you, monk, for your support.

4 Zen Responses

Please do it by all means.

Remembering that person

I don't think shapes are necessary at all.

The important thing is feeling.

Please do your best to hold a memorial service for them.

I think that's fine, Mr. Kannon. If you don't know the kajime, why don't you make a table with a common name?

Three legs of flowers, candles, and incense sticks. After that, I think it would be nice to make an offering.

As for temples, unfortunately, I don't understand Tokyo.

Kannon, please do it like that.

It is not an object, so be sure to prepare three legs and offer flowers, candles, and incense sticks.

If possible, I recommend that you make a table with a common name.

I am often asked to dive in and read the sutras.

　There are times when people I'm completely unfamiliar with come and ask for memorial services. I think there are various circumstances, but I'm not going to go that far, and what is still important is that feeling of disgust.

There are always monks who take on the chanting of sutras, even if they don't talk about deep circumstances. How about visiting the nearest temple?

Don't let them lose it is a memorial service

A person's mind stagnates when they find an end, end, or loss in things.
This is suffering.
I repeat my own thoughts and wishes in response to the actual situation that exists now.
However, reality is not in line with my own thoughts and wishes.
That's when the gap is created. This is suffering.
I also have a best friend. If they pass away, of course, we will hold a memorial service, but I think they will be involved in a way that they don't lose their way of being within themselves.
That is the best memorial service.
It's about awakening to the Buddha's law.
There is no end to things, and even if the other party passes away, there is no change in this side's feelings for the deceased.
The fact that this feeling continues to exist means that we will continue to be involved in the future.
Certainly, the way we get involved will change.
However, humans are primates of everything that can talk to their partner within their inner self.
More than formal memorial services, conventions, and manners, it's about not ending the deceased just because you were a deceased person in order to properly continue communicating with the deceased that was the same as during your lifetime, and don't end it.
The river flows into the ocean, turns into clouds, and changes to rain, fog, and snow.
There's no end there.
Will there ever be an end to our feelings of thinking about the deceased?
Being aware of that inner spirituality* is a way to keep the deceased from being left to die.
Incidentally, memorial services under common names are also held at Toyama. Please visit us if you have a chance.
※Spirits... Spirits are inner feelings about people who have died.

About the shape of the memorial service

Moon viewing rabbit

This is Kawaguchi Hidetoshi. This is my humble answer to the question.

The feeling of the memorial service is truly appreciated and precious.

Regarding the form of memorial services, we have answered the following questions about solemnity until now.

http://blog.livedoor.jp/hasunoha_kawaguchi/tag/荘厳

Question “Making offerings to photos from when you were alive question again”
http://blog.livedoor.jp/hasunoha_kawaguchi/archives/1002999474.html

“... I think it would be necessary to have a certain amount of consideration for precious things and treat them in a way that is not disrespectful. This is called “majesty (majesty)” in Buddhism, and the content is taken for granted, and form is emphasized to some extent because form is treated as a sign of consideration for that precious thing. Of course, it must not be solemn with no obsolete content, and it's not that everything has to be gorgeous, but I want to make arrangements so that precious things can be treated as precious as possible according to one's height. ・・”

・・

“The denominations are different, but are there any temples where you can use (common name) memorial services for the deceased?”...

It depends on the policies of each temple or monk, but if you carefully explain the circumstances, I think they will usually respond sincerely. In the event of a memorial service request from someone I have no connection with at Jooji Temple, I will prepare a pagoda and work in front of the main hall and Jizoson Temple.

I think Kannon Bosatsu, who is enshrined at home, will gladly accept the opening ceremony for the Japanese table if you similarly carefully explain the circumstances.

Please also refer to the humble answers to the following questions about Kannon Bosatsu.

Question “About Kannon on the grounds of my home”
http://blog.livedoor.jp/hasunoha_kawaguchi/archives/1006205006.html

Also, arranging a good way of life without getting caught up in the shape of the memorial service is actually an important memorial service. My name is “merit,” and I would be grateful if you could give me a little thought on this.

Kawaguchi Hidetoshi Gassho

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