My friend won't listen to my precious piano

Good evening.
I'm close to 40 and the content is very childish, but I felt that I was deeply involved in my own mental problems, so I wanted to get advice from a monk, and I would like to consult with you, thank you for your support.

I play jazz piano as a hobby, and since an important friend is coming to listen to a session (live where amateurs can perform with professionals) at the jazz club tomorrow, I've been doing my best to practice.

But earlier, when I e-mailed my friend about tomorrow's meeting, they answered, “It's cold and it looks like I've caught a cold, so I'll measure my fever and contact them again.”
If it were normal, I'd say, “Ah, that's right. Please take good care of yourself. It ends with “Don't overdo it,” doesn't it? But this email triggered me to say, “Oh, I don't want to come, so I'm going to reply vaguely and run away!” I got angry, and in a hurry, I replied, “You're not interested in my piano anyway, that's enough.”

If you think about it calmly, maybe your friend is really sick and won't be able to come. If that's the case, I think I should email you as soon as possible, but maybe the timing was bad. Also, since I like myself and do jazz, it's OK if my friends come or not, I can enjoy performing with the participants in the session at that time, play with all my heart to the customers at the store who listen at that time, and even do that. But in my case, “no one is interested in me anyway!” Just like that, anger has flared up.

For me, the piano is a very important means of self-expression, but until now I haven't invited friends even if I had the opportunity to present. That's because I actually had a strong desire that my friends would listen to my performances, but somewhere in my heart, I thought that no one would be interested in me anyway. With this incident, the dissatisfaction that has been sealed up until now, and the feeling that I am small may have erupted all at once. I think the problem is not with the other person, but in my own heart.

I want to attend the session tomorrow as scheduled and perform with all my heart for the people I meet tomorrow, but on the other hand, I'm very angry and sad about why I can't share what's important to me with my friends. I'm waiting for the monk's words on what to do about this feeling.

2 Zen Responses

Be careful about poor health due to the COVID-19 pandemic

Your friend complained that you were unwell and worried about having a fever.
Amidst the COVID-19 pandemic, I don't think we can ignore the anxiety of our friends.
In the unlikely event of COVID-19, there is a possibility that it will be passed on to other attendees.
Also, friends whose physical strength is declining may also increase the risk of COVID-19 being transmitted by others.
Even if your friend's story is a lie, it may be the result of trying your best to think about why you are refusing so as not to hurt (make you angry).
Everyone has the afflictions of greed, anger, laziness, and pride.
Let's be aware of the merciful gaze of Kannon, who condones the worries of your friends.
The things that are important to each person are separated.
There are dog lovers and cat lovers in the world.
It's unavoidable that there are people who aren't interested in the piano.
When a boss at a company a year ago says lines like “Can't you drink my alcohol?” is powerful harassment in the Reiwa era.
Even in the Showa era, Nobita-kun was trying to run away from Giant Recitals.
appending
I'm glad you seem to be able to get back on good terms with your friends.
The mind is impermanent. The anger and sadness will pass, won't it?

I pray from the bottom of my heart

I read it.
I feel like I understand how you feel. I understand your feelings from the bottom of my heart.
I also understand how you feel about emailing just like that. However, it would be very painful to imagine the feelings of someone who received such an email.

If possible, “Thank you so much and I'm so sorry when I'm not feeling well. Also, if you like it, be sure to ask next time if it's convenient for you. I sincerely pray that you will recover.” Why don't you try sending an email without saying that.

Relationships with people are important. Let's expand our relationships in the future without being swept away by momentary emotions or passion.
I'm sure there will be people who will listen to your piano performance, and there will also be people who will fall in love with it.

Please do your own wonderful piano performance with all your heart. I support you from the bottom of my heart.

I see! It was a great session. Please expand that relationship again next time. I support you from the bottom of my heart.

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