I still can't talk properly with my father.

I lived away from my father from kindergarten until I graduated from elementary school.

The reason isn't the case now, but it was due to my father's debt, women's issues (recently revealed), violence, and my father's personality that prioritizes work over family.
Once in a while, my father would come to the house where my mother and I live, and they would eat a little meal... over and over again.
At that time, rather than being lonely, I thought at a young age that I didn't have a father.
There were times when I felt infuriating to see children around the same age playing with their father.

After that, when I entered junior high school, I started living with my family of 3.

But my father and I often quarreled, and we were hit by our father once in a while.

That kind of thing is rare now, but I still have some distance from my father.
To be honest, there are places where I think it's fine as it is.
Even if I ask my father something, he doesn't listen, and the conversation ends with the word “I don't know,” which is now commonplace.

But when I started job hunting, I felt the awesomeness of my father, who used to run a company, and how difficult the job was, and I think it's okay to leave it like this.
I felt ashamed to say even one word of “thank you” away.

I want to deal properly with my father, including his dishonest personality.
Please give me some advice.

4 Zen Responses

Isn't that what anniversaries are for?

　Parents and children struggle quite a bit, and there are still many families that are parallel. Even though eagles can talk, there is still resistance. My father is less witty than strict. Insufficient flexibility. impatient. It takes a little energy to be successful with this kind of personality. On the other hand, I'm watching eagles as teachers for the time being.
Suzu-san, if you really want to make peace with your father, can't you have a conversation if you cooperate with your mother, go eat on Father's Day, Labor Thanksgiving Day, your birthday (either your parents or yourself), your wedding anniversary, or other anniversaries? I have a feeling that reconciliation will also be possible. To be clear, it's standard, but...
Isn't it when you get married that father and daughter show true reconciliation? “The person who makes chrysanthemums and sees flowers is a shadow person” (Yoshikawa Eiji). I'm sorry that this statement is inappropriate for the current era. But please take it as a method.
Finally, filial piety is not about doing anything to parents; it is about being kind to all people and things. I don't know in detail what kind of environment or circumstances they lived in, but it is more reassuring for parents to see them treating people kindly than children who do bad things to them. This is true filial piety. It's also an opportunity for parents to review themselves. This is shown in “Shoho Genzo Zuibunki” (Dogen Zenshi Sayings) by Huaizang.
Did you find it helpful? It won't happen, will it?

A thankful relationship

Since my father was a child, I've only been working, and I often have no memory of playing two or three times in January.

Suzu-san, there are things you can understand for the first time when you don't grow up.

You've grown up until you stand in the same place as your father.

A single word of thank you doesn't come up, does it?

But it's okay, my old man.

Surprisingly, it's easier to give birth than to worry

It can be something like that.

If it's hard to put into words, try inviting them to dinner and casually telling them about it.

I'm sure Suzu's father is happy now that she's grown up.

Maybe my dad is a bad talker

① (^<^) Please think that men are basically creatures that don't speak well.
The reason for this is that in the second generation of family restaurants, women seem to be having fun talking all the time, but male customers are alone, and there are also people who keep quiet.
② Oh, dad, he's not a person who can show his feelings and feelings very well, isn't that fine? It means understanding the father's character.
③ It's about affirming your father's imperfections.
You are demanding too much of your ideals from your father, and the gap is so far apart that you get hurt when you go home.
Your real dad isn't the great dad you imagine in the world.
Rather, there are many people who try to make such an ideal father look good to the outside world, but it seems that in every household (according to our information on the Danke), everyone is mostly Sotozura Yoshiko and Sotozura Yoshio.
The celebrity Ideal Mom and Ideal Dad Appeal is just being made from a standpoint, and in fact, every family has a variety of things, such as families getting cold or pretending (^<^).
④ Write a letter to eliminate misunderstandings with each other
It's about writing a letter about how you feel about your father. It's about getting replies too.
Inability to communicate is the biggest cause of mutual misunderstandings.
First of all, just expressing that your feelings as a daughter don't resent your father should be someone who reduces feelings of shame for dads.
I think your father is also inwardly sorry for you and that, oh, he probably won't forgive you anyway. Since we are both human, there are times when we fail, go wrong, pass by, and become emotional. It is only when we forgive each other that we are a family.
You can properly express what you think in a letter.
First, please take a step forward from you.

Please keep staring at your father secretly but directly

My time is different, but my father and I haven't lived together since middle school.
It was because my parents got divorced due to my father's violent attitude.
(Although the case is quite different from Suzu-san)

At first, he looked like a really disgusting father.

But after a period of time and I became an adult, I remembered my father's appearance, words, and actions again
I can now understand my father's feelings, albeit belated.
He was a serious, small-minded father who was extremely clumsy, yet had kindness hidden deep in his heart.
When I realized that, being reunited with my father became fun
I can now have a normal conversation.

Even if you don't worry, there will always come a time when you can say “thank you.”
I think there will come a time when we can speak naturally.

So, until then, please just keep staring straight at your dad.

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