I want to disappear

Thank you, Tanu-san, for taking the time to write this email with your questions!

You don't have to work hard.
Humans have difficult times. There are times when I don't have the energy to move.

Also, there are illnesses where you don't have the strength to work hard.

I think Tanu-san probably has an illness called “depression.”

It is a disease that anyone can get, and it is characterized by a complete loss of energy.
There are differences in how symptoms appear from person to person, and it is impossible to unequivocally say that these symptoms are

It's a disease where symptoms don't often get lighter if left alone.

It seems to me that it is necessary to look for a large hospital with psychosomatic medicine... if possible, with inpatient facilities and take care of it urgently.

It doesn't seem like they're in a situation where they can do anything.

Please, please, go see a hospital first.

You've done your best until now.

I had similar feelings and feelings.

It's painful, isn't it?

You don't have to overdo it, it's fine.

Once in a while, it's okay to stop.

It's OK to close your eyes.

I think clinical internal medicine is also good, but don't think too hard, knock on the door with the intention of speaking out with counseling.

I understand it very well.
I feel that way sometimes, too.

Fortunately for me, when I say that to someone close to me at such times, they comfort me.

It is said that they are left alone during difficult times, and they are told to do their best even if they talk to them.

As others have said, why don't you say “painful things, things you want help” to your doctor, counselor, or a monk you have a relationship with.
The pain may not change even if you listen to it, but it may give you just a little bit of energy to get out of here.

PostScript
I don't know the circumstances, but I think a company that doesn't work if one person quits is useless.
That's because it's not a private business.
Since they are contracted employees, I don't think it's necessary to take responsibility for management matters.
But I'm glad I was able to stop it. Is that the first step?

Tanu-sama

This is Kawaguchi Hidetoshi. This is my humble answer to the question.

As you can already see in everyone's responses, I have received psychosomatic counseling and mental care, and I know that people at the company may have various concerns when they retire, so I think it would be good to take a leave of absence here and be completely refreshed once and for all.

Anyway, there's absolutely no need to force yourself to put up with it. There's no need to force yourself to work hard. Now is the time to indulge yourself and your surroundings. I also know this is a time when you really have to be pampered.

In the previous answer, “In difficult times or difficult times, don't hesitate to hold them alone, rely on people around you and ask for help.” I was allowed to say that.

Please be serious and serious in seeking help, not “without it.” There is bound to be someone who can help. There is no need to hold back in this auspicious world made up of mutual support and help.

Question “I don't understand the difference between overdoing it and trying hard”
http://blog.livedoor.jp/hasunoha_kawaguchi/archives/1004512020.html

“... Buddhism explains that this world is an “lucky” world made up of mutual support, help, and sharing, but I believe that by using various “relationships” as a base and valuing “relationships,” we will be able to spend a well-balanced and middle path. Simply put, it means being able to rely on it well and be able to be relied upon again. ・・”

For refreshment, yes... I think it would be good to go on a “trip.” Domestic ones are fine, but overseas ones may be recommended. Please go on a trip and experience encounters, breakups, emotions, emotions, sorrows and sorrows with various people. I believe that through my experiences during my travels, I will be able to feel this “lucky” world even more. I'm sure beyond that, the landscape of this world where Tanuma now wants to disappear will change slightly and become visible.

I pray for good deeds.

Kawaguchi Hidetoshi Gassho