It's hard being hurt by toxic parents
I live alone, and recently my parents came to my house suddenly because I had a minor contact accident. I was scolded because the room was messy, etc., but even though it was light, I was made to do a general cleaning of the room regardless of 1 day after the accident, and it went back and forth between the house and the outside many times, and it got worse.
My mother's attacks began around the time the cleaning was over. My mother told me, “The fact that you had an accident or caught a cold is because your room is dirty, and you deserved it all. God must have called me home to let me know.” I said that.
I've been scolded for a long time since I'm in my first year of college, my boyfriend came to my room to play, etc., and even though I apologized, they said they didn't believe in you anymore, and they kept getting scolded for close to 30 minutes in a small room with no escape.
What hurt me the most was that my father couldn't advance in my career and my sister was told that she couldn't go on to college in another prefecture because of the money I live alone. You've been told that you've gone to college at the expense of your family, but you haven't been able to do anything.
Also, since they were forced to return home, they were told that living expenses for spring break were not paid, and tuition fees would not be paid from April.
I'm planning to borrow a scholarship, and I'm working 2 part-time jobs, but I'm not sure if I can do it from now on.
Also, even after a long vacation, I have to go back home, but as soon as we meet face to face, they get scolded, so I'm afraid we'll meet again.
Also, I think that part of the scholarship application process, money that cannot be covered by oneself, and future marriages will also be opposed, and I don't like it anymore that it won't proceed without an apology.
The other day, when I was working part-time, I suddenly got a video call, and I got angry about why I was working part-time at night, and even when I went back to my room, I asked them to show my room to see if my boyfriend wasn't there.
Even now, when I was scolded, flashbacks, and it became so painful that I couldn't help it, and I often woke up to nightmares where my mother kept getting mad at me and couldn't escape, and I couldn't sleep.
On the money side, I work part-time every day on scholarships and spring break, so I'm trying to become independent, and after knowing that my parents are important, I apologized and walked up from here, but I'm so hurt that I can't get along.
My parents are scolding me at LINE or contacting them as bad kids, so I'm scared and blocked right now. Wrong choice or anxiety.
People around me tell me not to lose, but to be honest, I've been hurt so much that I'm at my limit, and I want to die already. How can I see a bright future without losing to my mother?