About the lover who chose suicide

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I'm sorry.

My lover committed suicide.

I'm ashamed to say it myself, but there were no fights, they were really important to each other, and I felt loved every day.
I haven't seen it when I heard it from my family, but the memo they left me at the end spelled out that I was a weak person, my apology to my family, and my concerns and apologies for me.

We chatted as usual until just before, and the shock didn't subside because of the sudden incident I couldn't believe it.
I expressed my gratitude and love every day, so I have no regrets about that.

We've been in a very short relationship, but every day was very intense, so happy, and he was really perfect for me.
From that day on, I was allowed to take a break from work, and I was able to eat meals, but every time my days with him overflow into my daily life, it's painful and I can't stop crying.

I don't think I want to die, but I want to see him, spending every day without him is so difficult, and I don't like welcoming tomorrow every day, so it's unbearable.
If I go after him, I understand the feelings of the person who was left behind, and he doesn't want that, and I know in my head that he will pass away twice, but I just can't see the future.

The other day, I met a fortune teller who was able to communicate with the deceased without being able to stay, whether standing or not.
There is some skepticism among me, but he didn't understand that he first passed away, and since he had been sleeping the whole time and thought his body wasn't moving, he didn't see where he died, and he didn't attend the funeral.

I put letters and memories I wrote in the coffin during the funeral, but does that mean he can't see or read them?

Also, during communication, I was told that they wanted to be happy, but since they couldn't do it anymore, they wanted them to find someone better than me, get married, have children, and be happy.
It really makes me think that such a future is impossible because it is the person I really wanted to marry the most out of all the people I've ever met.

I'm very worried about my company, my friends and family, and his family, but I can't recover and envision a bright future.
I talk to his smiling photos every day, and I can't help it because it's so painful that he doesn't respond.
I don't feel like doing anything.
What should I do?

> To the monk
I would like you to read my profile for details such as the reason for his death.

4 Zen Responses

Thank you for taking the time to ask.

You are the one who can prove that he certainly lived in this world.

There are motivations that led him to choose death, but that's not all of him.
If no one knows one side of him other than his motives, he won't be rewarded.
I want him to leave his place in you until at least his 3rd death.

Namandabutsu

That was his life

Regardless of the circumstances, the various relationships (let's collectively call them his life span) that kept him connected to this world have expired.
In other words, his life span has run out.
It is, in a sense, a natural phenomenon.
It was like being struck by lightning by chance, and even if it was an accident that was rare at first glance, there was some cause, and as a result of conditions being intricately intertwined, it became possible to do so.
As a result theory, his vitality was on par with that of a 90 year old man.
No matter how wonderful a person is, their lifespan is limited, and there are individual differences.
You may not feel well right now, but it's time to embark on a new life.
Your own lifespan is not limitless, so I pray that you can use your time in a meaningful way.
Finally, let's recite Namu Amida Buddha and Nembutsu and hope that he will pass away in the Pure Land of Paradise.
Namu Amidabu Namu Amidabu
Namu Amidabu Namu Amidabu

Please tell me your thoughts

I read it.
You and everyone are probably very shocked by the sudden passing of your precious lover, and I think you are both deeply saddened and miserable. I don't know the details of you or that person's thoughts, but I really understand how you and everyone are feeling. And I would like to express my sincere condolences.
I sincerely pray that that person will feel at ease from the bottom of my heart. Shishin Gassho Nanmu Amida Buddha Namu Amidabutsu
That person is always led by the Buddha or God, and close people who passed away earlier and their ancestors will kindly welcome them.
That person is truly relieved to be freed from any hesitation, suffering, or painful feelings under the Buddha or God. They are greeted by their ancestors, and from the bottom of their hearts, they become peaceful and calm, there is no need for any worries, and they attain Buddhism cleanly.
And they will always be watching over you and your family kindly.
I don't know the details of the reason, circumstances, or state of mind that person passed away.
In the midst of various encounters, various thoughts overlapped, and that person probably set off on their journey.
Please pray with all your heart that that person will feel at ease from the bottom of your heart, and please honestly put your hands on that person and sincerely convey your various feelings for that person. Please tell me the thoughts that overflow in your heart as they are.
That person will kindly accept your thoughts, and they will surely be close to you. They will surely express their gratitude to you.
The way people live, and the encounters and connections between people are very strange, and they are irreplaceable and important.
If you don't mind, please let us know what you think, and we look forward to seeing you and everyone.
Also, if you don't mind, please attend the “sharing meeting”, talk about their own thoughts, and listen to the stories of various people.
https://bouzsanga.org/share/
We look forward to seeing you. We wholeheartedly agree

You can take it slow. You can do it at your own pace.

Thank you, ME, for your consultation.

My boyfriend suddenly committed suicide. I think anyone who is in a position like you is when they are so overwhelmed and confused, can't envision the future, and can't recover.
It's not a bad thing for you to be like that, and as a healing recharge period, think about him, cry when you want to cry, and talk when you want to talk to his portrait. I think I can spend my time with that. If you're crying, think that's fine.

Then, trust the part of your boyfriend that you don't know.
Past, present, and future.
Even if there were circumstances leading to his suicide in the past, it was heartbreaking that made him feel compelled to do so. Please heal Anata by talking about it. He said he was the one who loved me. Please trust them.
And trust someone who continues to love you even now.
Right now, even if you can't see your body or feel anything, believe that they are somewhere to love and protect you.
He is proud that he met and loved you in parts of the past you didn't know, now, and in the future where you are somewhere else.
And it will affirm the future of your life.
Please believe that, pray for peace of mind, and heal and recharge your heart.
You can take it slow. You can do it at your own pace.
Surely, eventually, my mind will calm down, and it's suspicious that they will communicate with the deceased, etc.? You won't even have to rely on fortune telling.
I think my boyfriend wants that too.
Once again, I wish him peace of mind. Gassho ceremony

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