I don't have a partner for life

Mei-sama

Thank you for your consultation.
Since I was a child, it is natural that people become distrustful of people when they are abused or bullied. You're not bad, and you're not responsible. My husband is in a similar situation. Even if both the couple distrust humans, I can see that the couple love and trust each other (including their children).
I think it's important to love each other and trust each other.
Also, it is important that the two of you are a safe base for your child.
It is important that a safety base is an evacuation site where safety is not threatened, independence is not violated, and you can rush in when you feel stressed or in danger.
When couples join forces to build a home that is a safe base for their children, it should become a safe base for both husband and wife.
The safety base you build will eventually spread around you.
For example, after raising children, children may interact with families of a similar age at preschool, child-rearing support places, parks, etc. If you feel a sense of security in your home, you will naturally feel safe and secure and become good friends with the family that comes into contact with it.
Eventually, they will become friends through raising children.

If distrust of humanity or interpersonal fear comes to the fore from past trauma and you don't get along well with the families around you, can't communicate, or don't understand the sense of distance, I think it's okay to rely on a trauma care therapist or psychotherapy.
Even there, try receiving care while being aware that you feel a sense of safety and security.

And above all, we have a relationship with Hasunoha, so this is a safe base, and please trust the answering monks here as if they were your friends. That's because you should spend your time referring to the answers that suit you from among the various answers.
Please refer to it. One bow
PS: Thank you so much for your message.
Look for care that makes you feel accepted just the way you are. Also, I think it is necessary to have them snuggle up to the loneliness, sadness, and pain of not being able to get love, which lies at the bottom of intense anger. I would be happy to help you overcome your attachment. I would like to thank you for this partnership. Regret

I read it.
I read that you are anxious because you don't have friends in your life. I don't know the circumstances or personalities of you or your husband, but I can tell you that you are so worried. I understand your feelings from the bottom of my heart.

You and your husband have a direct or indirect connection with us here. For you, this is definitely a place where you can relax and talk about your feelings with us, and it's a place where you can share your feelings with us. Also, it is a place where you can feel connected to Buddha, gods, and ancestors.
So you and your husband are never alone, and you're not alone.
Please don't worry first and talk about your painful feelings. Also, little by little, please expand your relationships with people and places where you and your husband can feel at ease.
You may be able to meet various people through some kind of opportunity, even when you are casual, and you will be able to connect little by little.
If you look around a little slowly, you will notice the attitudes and actions of various people. Among them, there are probably people you are interested in, feel familiar with, and feel comfortable calling out to.
Let's cut off bad relationships for you and seek good relationships.
I sincerely pray that you and your husband will be blessed with wonderful encounters in the future, expand your circle with each other from the bottom of your heart every day, and live through happiness from the bottom of your heart. And I wholeheartedly support you and your husband. We wholeheartedly agree

As other teachers have said, I want to cherish relationships here, including real, virtual, on, and off.
Be sure to join us.

Masashi

I read your concerns.
Since she had a difficult time in her childhood, it is possible that Mei became an adult without being able to feel something like a “emotional connection” with others. And it was strongly sought in the depths of his heart, and (somehow) the humble monk felt that way.
Originally, it would have been nice to develop that kind of feeling under a healthy parent-child relationship, but you can't change what's past. If yes, there's no point in saying that it would be like this. So let's think about the “future.”
My son hopes that you will spend time with your husband and children and cultivate “emotional connections” in your current home. To that end, please make full use of Hasunoha. Also, don't hesitate to rely more and more on Buddhism and the Buddha's power.
There is a phrase like this in the sutra called the Lotus Sutra (Myōhō Renge Kyo), “Every time I write my own, with what reiment sentient beings gain access to Mujodo fast Buddha body.” It is read as “every time (always) create this idea for yourself (or) to be a sentient being and achieve the Buddha's body fast (sumiya),” but this shows that the (long-standing) Buddha always wishes and guides us sentient beings, that is, living beings, awaken to our true heart (truth) as quickly as possible, and live with hesitation and anxiety.
So when it's hard, put your hands together in front of your chest and think about the Buddha's guidance. All of the experiences of joy, anger, sorrow, and joy may actually be necessary experiences for the growth of the mind and the growth of the soul. If that is the case, it is probably more important to make the future better than evaluating the good or bad of what has passed. No matter what, I think it's important to have such a mindset where you focus your mind on “what you can do,” not “what you can do,” and carefully accumulate them.

Sowaka Gassho