Please tell me who your friends aren't with.

A dear friend passed away a week ago. When I was alive, I kept in touch with my girlfriend every day via email and LINE. We were also talking on the phone 1 to 4 times a week.

We suddenly lost touch, and in my dreams, my girlfriend appeared for the first time, and I was getting more and more worried. Four days after communication was interrupted, I was contacted by my daughter. She had passed away.

She went out drinking with her friends and apparently had trouble with her family after returning home. It seems that my daughter found it when she came home late at night. She's already out of breath, and it seems like she died all alone.

I heard the sad news and immediately offered incense sticks and water, but now I am offering pictures of her and favorite foods for a short time. I was warned by my mother that if you're not a relative, you shouldn't do memorial services up to this point, but is that still not OK?

I don't really understand her death, and I cry over and over again in a day. This is the first time I've never been able to organize my mind this much.

Even when I was alive, she told me, “We're not related by blood, but we're siblings.” They said that, and I thought so too. But it's really frustrating not being able to prevent this from happening.

We live far away from each other, and it's only been two and a half months since I gave birth, and I can't move, so I haven't even gone to see each other. Actually, I want to call her again, and I want to meet her.

Will that prevent her from attaining Buddhism??

4 Zen Responses

I recommend the Heart Sutra.

Hello, Kanako.
I'm so sorry for your friend's sudden death.
When you think about Kanako and her friend who passed away, I recommend reading the sutra “Heart Sutra.”
I don't really understand this sutra called the “Heart Sutra,” but it has long been known as a sutra with mysterious powers.
As I continue reading, my mind calms down before I know it.
I recommend that you try it out first.

Let's put our hands together

Kanako-sama
My name is Tetsuya Urakami from Nagomi-an, thank you for your support.

It is said that a friend he was very close to suddenly passed away at a young age. They were close enough to say they were sisters, so I think it's natural that they couldn't sort out their minds right away and shed tears.

Sadness never completely goes away, and it takes a long time to calm down. How long have you been in a relationship with your friend? 5 years? 10 years? The longer you've been in a relationship, the more time you need to accept.

At Kanako's home, they display photos, offer incense sticks, water, and favorite foods, and put their hands together. It may vary by region or denomination, but I don't think that's a problem.
I think what the mother says is that she is worried about how sad her daughter (Kanako) is so deep. However, I believe that making an offering to a portrait and putting hands together also has the power to heal the heart of the person doing it little by little.

Regarding “attaining Buddhism,” this is also a place where people think differently depending on the denomination, but I think my friend has already attained Buddhism. This is because I believe that it is the Buddha's infinite mercy that saves us regardless of the length of life, the way we live, or how we die.

When Kanako is putting their hands together while thinking they want to call or meet, I think my friend who has become a Buddha is also putting their hands together towards you, saying “Kanako, I'm sorry for surprising you, sorry for making you sad.”

Awakening to the profound relationship between beginning and end is also a memorial service

I'm in sorrow right now, and it may be hard to convey, but being saved is the biggest memorial service for her.
I think you are feeling very sad after losing your best friend.
She is probably the closest person who taught you that human life is finite. The only way to overcome a sense of loss that is hard to overcome and loneliness that is hard to get rid of is to face the girlfriend within yourself, your best friend. Like you, the people called ancestors sought the truth about living in this world through breakups with loved ones and various suffering.
I wanted a way to be saved from suffering.
That is the way to face oneself and be saved from one's own thoughts, Buddhism.
I also lost a few of my close friends.
My memories with them stopped when they died, but I continued to grow even after that. I realized that my own life was continuing.
Even as my own life continues, my relationships with them, my emotional exchanges, and my dialogue with myself continue even now.
I think it is the best and best relationship for Japanese people to respect “spirits” and mourn in a permanent form.
A memorial service is not about putting an end to everything. There are also religions and ideas that say “when you die, it's over,” but Buddhism has no beginning and end. Please leave the spell of the idea of beginning and end based on human intelligence and small human thoughts, and awaken to a larger taiga (law) of relationships with no beginning or end, and the relationship between time and eternity.
The emotional exchange between the way she passed away and those of us who are alive will continue as long as we live, so I hope you live well without putting an end or end to her death, and continue to talk from now on.
Please calm your mind in order to wake up to the fact that they are always speaking to you in some way. Wouldn't she be most pleased if you didn't end your relationship with her?

First, put postpartum care first...

Kanako-sama

This is Kawaguchi Hidetoshi. This is my humble answer to the question.

This sudden farewell to a close friend... I'm really sad... I pray for peace, and make a memorial service for Josei.

We have also received the following questions from people who have previously lost a friend with whom they had a close relationship that could truly be called a “soul mate”...

Question “About the death of a friend”
http://blog.livedoor.jp/hasunoha_kawaguchi/archives/1002840364.html

“... First, I know that it is important to firmly accept the reality of breaking up with a friend, and also to firmly accept the reality of regret and sorrow. Please take this opportunity, which was confided in “Hasunoha,” and once again suffer through your regrets and sorrows as a break. ・・”

First of all, I hope you can organize your mind so that you can accept the death of your friend little by little, no matter how long it takes. I know it's important to show your sadness and not put up with crying. Also, since she has just given birth, I hope you can give priority to your body and your baby. I know that further memorial services may be OK even after they have calmed down a bit.

Also, regarding memorial services, please refer to the humble answers to the questions below.

Question “I want to do a memorial service for the deceased that I was close to...”
http://blog.livedoor.jp/hasunoha_kawaguchi/archives/1006868089.html

Also, we have answered the following questions about “majesty.”

http://blog.livedoor.jp/hasunoha_kawaguchi/tag/荘厳

Question “Making offerings to photos from when you were alive question again”
http://blog.livedoor.jp/hasunoha_kawaguchi/archives/1002999474.html

Kawaguchi Hidetoshi Gassho

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