Is the chief priest's wife the temple's bride?

This is my first time consulting with you.
I married the chief priest of a Zen temple, and within a few years, I have been studying the temple family Anming Ceremony and temple family training.
However, due to my personality (unsuitability), I inevitably feel cramped to spend my days and work with tasks that are expected of me as a temple wife.
If you get a job at a general company and stay at the company's pawn, you can feel a much more rewarding job.
However, the temple I moved to on the occasion of my marriage is in the countryside, and there are few companies around, and as a family temple, it is a humble place where there is no need for a part-time job even though it is an offering from a parishioner.

So my surroundings, my in-laws, and my husband all force the feeling of “of course you are Mr. Kuri” on me as a matter of course.
Of course, before marriage, my husband said, “It's okay, it's not difficult. I'm not saying, “I can do it,” and I'm not saying that I'm not responsible for getting married to someone I love.
However, I think there are some things that are quite difficult for both to notice the discrepancy between the image of living at home and the image of being raised in a temple before marriage.

I respect the attitude of my husband and parents-in-law who try to protect the temple with the parishioners, but the feeling that if I get married and spend time together, I can't, don't want to, and don't want to get involved as a temple family has strongly solidified.
Of course, they hang out with people, but they can be seen as the temple's wife, and since it's a small rural area, it's disgusting that her identity is empty anyway. I feel like even my everyday shopping is being watched, and to put it bluntly, please be clean, correct, and humble, and of course be led by a wonderful mother-in-law and become a good temple bride. I even feel a lot of pressure.
was the temple family's pledge attached to the marriage registration? Freedom of religion and career choices has been taken away to the extent that I think about it.

It is said that the husband is the chief priest, so it's natural, but for example, do you force the wife of a self-defense officer to be aware of national defense...?
It's just that it's hard to be questioned because it's Buddhism, and I've come to think that let's soak in the religious mentality of my in-laws and husbands is no different from a solicitation of an emerging religion from my point of view.
If I have free hands when I'm asked to, I'll just stay home and clean up. However, I want them to stop encouraging the temple family to work, such as coming to the main hall with their hands together every morning or wanting them to play a role in lighting the evening bell.

It's been a long time, but how should I tell them that I just want to spend time at home and like an office worker? I don't feel like denying my partner's life, but I'm worried that my ❲ ease of living ❳ seems to be denied.

4 Zen Responses

Thank you for your question.
It is also true that there are certainly cases where people often force spouses when it comes to freedom of religion, so I'm sorry as the same monk. I want to create an environment where I can respect my spouse's beliefs as much as possible.
For example, how about moving with 3 of your family to a place where your husband can commute (within 1 hour by car) and have your husband commute to the temple every day?
I think you should leave your child at daycare and go to work.
There may come a time when circumstances change, such as when you need to take care of your husband's parents, and at some point you have to live together. At that time, you might have the same problem again.
Until then, I think it's okay to live apart.
However, please go and show your grandson's face from time to time.

I think I should establish my own position and way of life.

No matter what, there are things that are required from a standpoint perspective, and let's have an image that people around us are like that, and understand what we expect. The fact that you got married without knowing anything would happen, so it was probably a marriage where you were satisfied with your husband being the chief priest and your wife was called.

After you actually get married, you should establish your position while standing around well rather than just resisting while feeling the presence you feel with your skin.

That's because there are various temple wives.

I'm one of them...
I didn't have any concerns about my faith. This is because I was raised in the same teachings. Therefore, there was no resistance to the way of living by putting hands together, and I was rather thankful to live in an environment where I felt like Buddha.
Also, as for the role of a temple bride, rather than because of what the purpose is, it depends on the community, the relationship with the husband, and mother-in-law, and you can do something about it.
One of my wife's actions is taking in her surroundings and successfully carrying things the way she wants.

I also have many other jobs and activities. I've also become the chief priest, and I can raise my children and spend my free time freely. If you've been married for close to 20 years, your wife is strong.
I'm rooting for you.

Search for a sense of satisfaction

At the end of the day, I have no choice but to have a heart-to-heart discussion with my husband.
Each person and each temple has their own circumstances, so I think you should choose the method that suits your couple.
However, it seems realistically necessary to help with temple work.
If you have to do it anyway, you can reduce the stress of anger if you have a sense of satisfaction.
For example, try to be aware that the land fee for my home is cheap.
If you think of that as part-time income, I don't think your daily work is free service either.
Furthermore, I think there is an option where you actually get a part-time job fee (pocket money) in cash from your husband.
Also, using the temple's facilities to host events you want to do yourself may be rewarding.
If you have some kind of hobby yourself, hold events, hands-on classes, etc. related to it.
Even if you don't become a lecturer yourself, you can invite lecturers and guests from outside.
For example, if you can host events that you can enjoy using temple facilities and signboards, such as yoga classes, scripture classes, live music and comedy shows, hobby clubs, practical knowledge workshops, etc., you may find it rewarding.
It is also possible to be introduced to lecturers through government offices for child-rearing tips (techniques related to child psychology), dementia supporter training courses, suicide prevention (gatekeepers), etc.
There is also a possibility of asking local shops for candy making classes, makeup classes, and painting classes by asking a parishioner who is good at painting as an instructor.
I think a sense of satisfaction will lead to stress reduction, such as changing “I don't want to do it but I have to do it” to “I'll enjoy it if I do it anyway,” or “I'll do it while complaining” to “calculate the merits and disadvantages and then declare that I won't do it.”
The chief priest's wife is like the president's wife, so it also has the potential to make a dream story come true.

No one is holding you back, but that's why you're good at it　

(*'▽') Each person is an independent entity. Please feel free to do so.
However, if you have a very stubborn attitude due to correctness, it will make your partner and those around you feel uncomfortable even if you say that it is freedom of religion. Your freedom of religion is also important. What is more important than that is the true religious spirit. Let's act with excellent reason, intelligence, ability to judge situations, virtue, benevolence, altruism, filial piety, and that excellent religious spirit so that problems do not occur without conflict with others.
There is a teaching of the former head of the Soto sect, Kanzuki Joshin Zenji Unkai Koshu Daiosho called “don't kill people with justice.”
Zen Master was always calm, but he was able to stick to “just the way he should be” without compromising on his mistakes.
It was a congratulatory memorial service celebration.
One of my disciples was a “person with a strong sense of correctness” who said, “If I were a monk, I would be like this” and “this is how proper Buddhism should be.” At the celebration ceremony, Zenji scolded and encouraged his disciple to the point where the venue froze in front of everyone.
It is still engraved in my heart that it was an amazing spirit of teaching.
A homage (fine monk) who was next to me received it and said, “Mr. Tange, I also had a leadership position when I was at Ho-ji Temple, and I should be like this with a monk! That spirit is strong, isn't it? There was also a time when it was tough on clouds and water. Then, a nun who had come from a foreign country pointed out that ❝ what you said is correct but the way you do it is wrong ❞...” I'm terribly sorry that correctness and justice sometimes hurt people.
However, apart from that, no one blamed the disciple, and the drinking of local people who were dissatisfied with that disciple declined, and they were admonished and taught that the true form of Buddhism was like this, and the curtain came to an end with each other noticing a better way of being, and no one was hurt. Popular governance.
More than congratulations or formality at a happy celebration, the “thing you should really cherish as a person” is to blend in properly there and create a better shape than ❝ you want to do this ❞! I was admonished that no matter how much I tried to do the right thing in the future, it wouldn't work if I had such a strong attitude towards myself. This can be said not only for the questioner, but also for my husband, family, and myself, so please find a way out from here without being blamed or misunderstood.
Popular rule, milk hydration, peace face, love language, Japanese monk

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