I was hugged by my uncle during the ossuary

I was hugged by my uncle when I buried my grandfather's remains in his grave. I don't think it's possible for relatives to touch their bodies when they're paying attention to graves, but since it's an important ceremony, I couldn't make a fuss.

Even now, a few years later, every time I look at my grandfather's grave, every time I think about my grandfather, I remember that and it becomes painful. It seems like my grandfather's memories have been tarnished, and I'm so sad.
What should I do to genuinely remember my grandfather?

(I'm asking the same question to Marshmallow. (Sorry if this is a duplicate)

3 Zen Responses

In an environment where you can be protected. So that there is a safe place to put hands together.

That was scary, wasn't it? I guess they couldn't make a sound and couldn't move. it's traumatic, isn't it...
With this, you won't be able to socialize with your relatives in the future, right? Considering opportunities to meet at memorial services, etc., I wonder if it would be safer to confide in my parents without holding them alone.

If you have an environment where you can be properly protected, I think you will be able to face the death of your grandfather. May the place where you put your hands together be safe and secure. Let the Buddha protect you too.

Also, your uncle should apologize to you. It's probably someone you wouldn't want to meet in person, but I'd like you to sincerely apologize for causing fear through your parents.
There's nothing wrong with you.

Let's ask our uncle to apologize firmly

I read it.
You were suddenly hugged by your uncle during your precious grandfather's ossuary, and you were so shocked that you couldn't even make a voice. That came back to life, and you're having a very hard time, aren't you? I don't know the details about that time or about you, but I sincerely understand your painful feelings.
I don't think it's about you leaving that painful feeling or suffering alone.
First of all, please take care of yourself and heal your heart even a little bit.
Be sure to clearly convey your thoughts to your parents and ask your counselor to listen to them too.
Also, let's tell people you trust and relatives about your painful feelings.
Also, ask your parents to firmly protest against your uncle and ask them to sincerely apologize.
You have been severely damaged and deeply hurt. What my uncle did is sexual harassment and a crime, in other words, my uncle is a criminal. My grandfather, my ancestors, God, and Buddha are watching my uncle's criminal acts closely. My uncle must be paid for his crime.
You are not the only one to suffer.
First of all, I pray to the Buddha, gods, ancestors, and grandfathers so that your uncle sincerely apologizes to you, and that you can continue to make offerings to your grandfather and ancestors with a pure heart. And I wholeheartedly support you.

The Heart of Mercy

Anger, hate, and disgust are stressful, so I'd like to replace them with other emotions.
For example, my uncle was moved by my grandfather's ossuary with sadness, etc., and hugged you, one of my relatives who happened to be right in front of him.
(It is not impossible for relatives to hug each other when they are sad.)
Or, your uncle happened to slip on his leg at a graveyard, etc., and immediately hugged you to prevent falling.
If you can activate a heart of mercy by forcibly imagining stories such as “well, will you forgive me?”, anger, hatred, and disgust will ease.
Put aside the anger of “why do I have to forgive my partner even though I'm not wrong,” let's draw a story that leads to mercy as image training to heal one's own brain and nerves.
Or, if a stray dog just happened to come along, it's a good idea to look at your partner as an animal with low intelligence.

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