About meditation

There are many ways to say meditation in one word.
If you try meditating and get stuck, I think it's better to ask the monks or organizations that teach that meditation directly for guidance.
Conversely, it can be said that it is safer to meditate with an organization that hosts beginner meditation guidance, etc.
Also, it's better to find an organization where Buddhist monks teach rather than an emerging religion.
If sitting meditation makes it difficult to concentrate on breathing, there are also walking meditations, standing meditations, etc., so why not try them out?
Your interest in meditation is truly precious and wonderful.
I would be happy if you could continue meditating from now on without being impatient.

Noko-sama

You can practice with ZOOM.
At my temple, we have a mercy meditation session every Saturday evening.
This mercy meditation session is conducted in accordance with compassionate mind training, and the purpose is to develop compassion and kindness.
The steps are:
① Mindfulness = don't evaluate your current state, don't judge, just pay attention.
② Soothing rhythm breathing = calm your mind and body with a comfortable breathing rhythm.
③ Various mercy meditations = make it easier to do things that are compassionate towards oneself and develop a sense of mercy.
That's it.
Details will be shared if you ask, and a Zoom session with me is also possible. (Right now, it's before Obon and I don't have much time, so it will start in the latter half of August).

So, when nervous or uneasy thoughts creep in, let's look at those uneasy people objectively and just wait for them to pass by as if we were playing a TV commercial.
Also, when returning consciousness to breathing, it would be a good idea to gently and gently return to breathing in and out in a relaxed manner without judgment. If you focus your attention on the nostrils where the air first enters or the specific part of your stomach where it has penetrated, it will be easier to get away from your thoughts.

It's also important not to try too hard. It's also a good idea to be aware of the feeling of taking a breath and relaxing one breath without being impatient.
Also, it's a good way to burn aromas, prepare a hot drink, etc., and then relax without being particular about the format before meditating.
Let's try out various things and go slowly in a way that works for you.
Please refer to it. Don't hesitate to ask questions you don't understand.
One bow

In Buddhism, meditation is divided into two types, called shikan, etc.
To stop is to stop your body and mind, concentrate on one point, and in Buddhism, you get peace of mind by meditating. Yoga meditation from before Buddhism is actually this, and although you may acquire meditation and superpowers, Shakyamuni sees that it is temporary and is not a fundamental solution to worries.
The other is meditation on the view discovered by Shakyamuni in order to find out the true nature of the mind that creates superpowers, such as feelings and afflictions of greed and anger, meditation, etc.
It is a meditation that creates wisdom by continuing to capture the senses of the body even when sitting down, becoming aware of these incessant cycles of life and death, and realizing that it is impermanent, painful, and selfless. I also walk and stand, and I keep watching the mind that makes me do that and the feeling of the body that continues to be maintained.
When it comes to meditation, it's hard to meditate or become supernatural, but once you get into the habit, you'll calm down on a regular basis. It makes it harder to have unnecessary delusions. I'm the type to get the job done faster than emotions. Once completed, you'll realize it.
I think meditation is better for you, where you can calmly assess things, and at least have no side effects at all.
Many people now say a lot of things about meditation for watching, but...
I think there was a Vipassana (Kan) meditation instruction on Elder Sumanasara's YouTube. They are fluent in Japanese and easy to understand. Give it a try.

I read your worries.
Meditation instruction is Kushikumo's field of expertise, so I'd like to give you some advice.

I usually give guidance while listening to stories one-on-one, but in my experience as a humble monk, it's possible that Noko (while meditating) was particularly “let's relax” and “let's lose strength.” If that is the case, it seems that the opposite causes Noko to break away from her natural body, causes strength and distractions, and confines her free mind in a cage of worry.

So, let me give you one piece of advice.
I want you to observe your breathing a little while meditating. Sit down (whether on the floor or chair) without being too particular about posture or how to sit, then take a short breath. You'll probably want to take a breath after a while, so inhale as you want (either through your nose or mouth is OK). If you inhale then, you'll want to exhale at some timing this time, so then exhale as if you wanted to exhale. Breathe in as you want to inhale and exhale as if you want to exhale. Also, inhale as you want to inhale, and exhale as if you want to exhale... As you exhale, try to feel the area around your chest or stomach. Aren't you naturally losing strength? You may feel like the inside of your body is loosening up.
Actually, that should be the case, and if you don't lose strength in your body in order to exhale, you won't be able to exhale in any way. Therefore, even if you don't try to force yourself to lose strength, your strength will naturally go away. We just need to “feel” it, right?

This is “meditation to observe breathing.”
Please try it out for a bit.

One more remark while being presumptuous. It is said that he has been working on meditation for half a year even though he is suffering, and I think that in itself is a splendid thing. Don't aim to gain anything, smile at your inner changes as they are, and accept them just as they are, as your body (and by extension, life) accepts them as they are, in your instantaneous awareness. There must always be good things ahead of that.

Sowaka Gassho