Please tell me how to live in the future

This is the person who previously discussed “I'm worried about my future way of life and choices.”

I'll omit the details, but before, I had infidelity with a married woman only once.
At that time, I was seriously thinking about being together in the future, but my girlfriend told me that I couldn't break up with my husband right away or that I didn't know what would happen, and I was worried that if I were close, my past infidelity would come to light due to something, and even though it's a seed I sowed, I regret it.

She says that she doesn't intend to talk about the act of infidelity, and to be honest, there is no merit for her, so I have a feeling that I believe it, but she talks about it at some point of time, and I'm very worried that it will come to light.

I also thought that confiding in my parents and family would temporarily lighten my sense of guilt, but I thought it would make me even more disappointed and unhappy, and I seem to be crushed by guilt and anxiety, but I'm thinking of going to the grave without talking.

From now on, I think living alone is repentance, but I have anxiety that will come to light up from somewhere, and anxiety about holding this secret in order not to destroy the happiness around me.

I will never have an affair again.
How should I live my life from now on?
Thank you for your guidance.

4 Zen Responses

I won't hold it alone.

　Good evening. Strangely enough, this question has a sense of deja vu.
If this is the “way of life from now on,” this is not something anyone can teach you. It's about making your own decisions and then implementing them. But what if there's something I can tell you as a monk?
Let's repent to the Buddha.
The previous answer also said, “You are above Buddhism.” One of those specific “ways to walk” is to “repent to the Buddha.”
Do you have a Buddhist altar at home? If so, in front of it. If not, go to a nearby temple and say, “I'd like to pray. It's fine even from outside the main hall,” she said, going close to the Buddha.
And then I repent. Your own past mistakes. Then, ask the Buddha to listen to the current wishes he has noticed from there into words. Of course, you don't need to talk to your family or the chief priest. I'm going to tell the Buddha seriously.
Then, when they think, “I've already repented now,” they stand up. I'm leaving the temple. Let's repeat this.
I think your anxiety is due to “I wonder if I can handle it alone.” So at least ask the Buddha to listen to it. This is walking in Buddhism. as many times as you like. Right now it's like you're repeating the question.
We also do the same thing by “working in the morning.” I think I'll look back and face up to my own imperfections, and therefore work hard for the wishes I have now. Without it, I'm sure it would be difficult to live even a day.
Do you understand? This is a phrase as a companion (companion), “Let's walk in Buddhism together.”

Your life changes depending on the people you meet. Don't take the wrong path forward.

I also read the previous question.
It's just about the two of them, and I have no choice but to believe her.
If by any chance she were to slide her mouth, there's no proof, right? They've already declined contact, and there's no interaction, right? If there's nothing showing the relationship between the two, go through “No Relationship.”

That's past. She chose her husband over you, so her marital relationship will never break down.

Taking it to the grave is something everyone can do.
Your life will change depending on the people you meet. Don't take the wrong path forward.
Let's not be afraid of the past and think about our future happiness.

Postscript...
It means I couldn't choose to be with you due to the path of not being criticized, that is, my determination to get divorced. That's her answer.
For the sake of your own health, let's say goodbye as soon as possible and ask them to delete all contacts.

Postscript...
Even if you intend to get divorced, there is a risk of confiding in an adulterous relationship. Considering that there is a possibility that both you and your husband will claim alimony, you will definitely keep it confidential. Even so, if you confide in it... it will be personal ruin, and there may be social sanctions.
So, when you think about it comprehensively, I don't usually say that.

I will support you from the bottom of my heart

I read it.
I read that you had an affair and you have no regrets. I don't know the details, but it is very clear that you are feeling sorry and distressed. I understand your feelings from the bottom of my heart.
If you really think so, let's break that relationship firmly; it's a bad relationship for both you and that person. Let's cut it off and never contact each other again.
Then put your hands together with the Buddha, gods, and ancestors and confess your thoughts from the bottom of your heart, then sincerely repent and repent, sincerely apologize to the Buddha, gods, ancestors, and those you have hurt, and swear to the Buddha, gods, and ancestors so that you will never commit the same mistake again.
The Buddha, God, and your ancestors will accept all of your thoughts, repentance, apologies, and vows, and will forgive you. You can now live your life healthily.
I sincerely pray to the Buddha, God, and your ancestors so that you can sincerely repent and apologize, keep good thoughts, words, and actions in mind every day, and live a truly precious life richly from the bottom of your heart, so that you can live a happy life with your loved ones. We wholeheartedly agree
And I will support you from the bottom of my heart.

Living with repentance

In Buddhism, when you make a mistake, that fact

Be aware, regret, and try not to repeat
These three things are called “repentance.”

In other words, mistakes themselves are not the problem; how to face mistakes and how to live again is the starting point of salvation in Buddhism.

You've made up your mind to “take it to the grave without talking.”
You can also clearly see that it is not an “escape,” but rather a “consideration” to avoid influencing others.

but
“Living alone is repentance”
I hope you can stop for a moment at this sentence.

Repentance is not “holding yourself alone,” but “not being alone”
Within Buddhism, for example, there is this in the “Kegon Sutra.”

“A crime committed by one person, even if one person bears it alone, is not something that can be atoned for by one person.”
In other words, we commit sins in our “connection” with others, and we can only atone in connection.

It doesn't have to be about confessing to anyone.
However, “reducing suffering,” “living each day carefully,” and “continuing to pick up feelings and pain that your former self overlooked.”
I think your soul can only be healed by choosing that way of life.

What you can do to live from now on, what you can do to continue to develop honesty within, even without putting it into words, “Am I being honest now?” Please keep asking yourself.

Her, her family, yours... praying for someone's happiness will wash away the heart little by little.

Just like my own, there is a “background” to other people's mistakes. Please be someone who notices that.

Finally: living and making amends
Sin is not an indelible past.
Sin is an entity that continues to ask us “how to live next.”

The life ahead for you
If you've decided to “never betray me again,”
Choose a life where you “sincerely love and support others.”

In Buddhism, there is the word “karma.”
We live in cause and effect, and the teaching is that our actions in the present moment can also be a species that changes the future.

Your life is not limited to regrets,
May you be enveloped in even a little bit of warmth and serenity.
I am praying from the bottom of my heart.

Gassho

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