Group work I'm not good at

Humans are social animals, so they fear not being accepted by groups.

Especially in Japan, from an early age, people are taught the importance of group action, getting along well with everyone, and not disturbing harmony, so the desire to belong to a group tends to increase even more.

In response to this, the Buddha
[Don't make friends with stupid things. It's better to go alone. walk alone. Like an elephant in the woods]
That's what you said.

It's great to learn with good friends, but it means it's better to learn alone than to get close to stupid people.

I know there are places where group activities are unavoidable, but in your heart, it's important to keep a firm distance from people who bully you.

As you walk alone with ambition, you can always meet real friends.
Bad company devalues oneself.

Don't be afraid of loneliness, and do group work with an appropriate sense of distance.

I pray that you will have a good relationship and meet true friends.

Thank you 👩‍🔬🎒 for your consultation.

People remember fear when they have had painful experiences in the past, such as bullying or being out of company.
That fear becomes a threatening emotion, and that emotion is prioritized, causes flight and freezing reactions, and makes interpersonal relationships difficult.
The reason I'm not good at group work is probably because of that sense of threat.
But this sense of threat comes naturally to protect your mind and body, and it's not your fault, and it's not your responsibility. It's not your fault.
Then, the first thing to do to face and ease this fear and sense of threat is not to blame yourself. It is important to repeatedly think “I'm not bad, I'm not responsible,” which I mentioned earlier.
Also, it is necessary for the body and mind to be healed and to feel safe and secure.
It's natural for you to think “I want someone to protect me,” and it's not like being spoiled. It is necessary for you to feel safe and secure as if you are being protected by someone's kindness and compassion. It is precisely because I feel safe and secure that energy is stored in my heart, compassion is directed at myself, I am able to calm myself, I gradually have courage, and my interpersonal relationships and group work become calm and peaceful with a strong feeling.
Even with people who bully you, you will be able to seize a sense of distance where you feel safe.

So, first try to relax, be healed, and feel safe and secure so that you can be kind and compassionate towards yourself. Breathing exercises, mindfulness meditation, compassion meditation, etc. are effective.

Nursing school students come to me to learn their views on life and death, and even then, I tell them so that they can be compassionate towards themselves. The busy nursing profession requires healing and compassion. If you don't mind, please continue to contact us. Gassho ceremony

PS: Thank you so much for your message. I would like to thank you for this partnership. Regret

I read it.
They think they're afraid of people who bully you, dismiss you, or do aggressive things, and they're really bad at group work, so it's hard. I don't know the details about you, but I understand your feelings from the bottom of my heart.
Well, I'm also really bad at group work, and I don't like it; I've always been a person who isn't very cooperative, and even when we became a group, I was sometimes left out of my group. It's hard to get rid of that habit. I feel I can really understand how you hate group work like that.
There are times when I meet people like that in my life. There are probably individual differences in whether it's frequent or not, but there are people who are always mean, and there are people who speak ill of people and stop them from their ranks. So it's also very important to think about how to respond when you meet someone like that.
Bullying and harassing acts are misdeeds, and if you do such a foolish act, that person will always be rewarded and suffer on their own; it's just a difference between fast and slow.
Personally, I think it's about not getting involved in such foolish things as much as possible, and I think it's about voluntarily not being complicit in such evils; it's about getting involved as little as possible.
Even when you have to get involved in group work, try to only get involved to the minimum necessary and don't get deeply involved.
Maybe that person's true intentions aren't like that, and there are various reasons. There are times when we have no choice but to do that. At that time, we will consider how to respond while calmly listening to what the other person is saying. I think it's okay to keep in mind that there are such cases.
Either way, bullying, harassment, and being out of company are misdeeds and crimes. And relationships with people who do such stupid things are bad relationships. Let's get rid of bad relationships once and for all. Involving yourself in misdeeds is a crime.
I sincerely pray to Buddha, God, and your ancestors so that you can stay away from bad relationships and be blessed with good relationships in the future, that you can sincerely respect and care for each other, and grow healthily, and live through your life healthily and richly.
And I will support you from the bottom of my heart.

Your post really conveyed the feeling of being “scared.” If you have experienced being left out of your league in the past or have been in a state of depression due to relationship problems, it is natural for that fear to seep into your body. When you think “the same thing will happen again,” it's no wonder that going to school itself becomes scary.

・About fear of relationships
In Buddhism, suffering in relationships is viewed as “good luck.” People do not exist alone; they always live in relationships with others. Therefore, there is both joy and suffering in relationships with others. The fear you feel from being left out of your league or spending time with someone with a strong personality is a natural reaction as a person, not because you are “weak.”

・A heart that thinks “I want someone to protect me”
This wish is also very natural. No one can be strong alone. In Buddhism, it is called “good knowledge (good knowledge),” and we value the presence of friends who learn together and support each other. Asking for someone to protect us is not “indulgence,” and it is something that is inherently necessary for humans to live with peace of mind. Please don't blame me for wanting to take care of your feelings and to be protected.

・How to deal with fear

Go back to breathing
When you're filled with fear, try focusing on taking a deep breath and exhaling. Just confirming “I'm here right now” calms my mind a little.

Have a small support
Find a friend, teacher, counselor, or other person you can feel safe with, even if you are alone. It can be a “presence that protects you.”

Put fear into words
Using the word “scary” is an important act to protect yourself. Rather than just holding it in your heart, writing it out or telling it to someone you trust makes your heart feel lighter.

・To tie
Since the path of nursing is a job that supports people, relationships can also be tough. However, the very sight of you walking in fear is already a sign of strength and kindness. Please don't deny your “scary” feelings and take care of yourself “here and now” little by little.

Someone will always show up to protect you. And now, the fact that you yourself are trying to protect yourself already supports you one step further.

Gassho