It's painful because of the guilt of past mistakes

　Good evening. Even though it's night, the hot days continue.
First, hasunoha also has a category called #過去の罪悪感, so I recommend reading that as well if you like.
Now, everyone has made mistakes and mistakes in the past, either fortunately or unlucky. me too. And, like you, I can't forget it, and I live my life thinking “I'm a bad person.” Of course, I'm not saying I won't forget even a moment, but it reminds me of it by accident, and I'm renewing my mind that, oh, I'll never do that again.
In this way, we live our lives while learning things that should not be done in this world. This “unattainable sense of self” is called an ordinary person.
There is a fear that “if you know that, you will surely be despised,” so I understand it very well, and if it is exposed to the white light, I think I have no choice but to apologize gracefully.
However, in a sense, what I'm thankful for is that they are all like each other. Regardless of whether you think, “I'm a bad guy, so if you do bad things to your heart's content,” if you're reflecting on it and trying to suppress it so you can avoid it in your life, then I think you're doing good enough first.
In other words... it changes the way you look at other people's faults and mistakes, and the way you look at others where you have to be tolerant to some extent. I think older and more experienced people understand and maintain this tolerance.
I'm not saying we should overlook all other people's mistakes. When you find it, point it out quietly and wait for the person to decide. I hope that people will grow.
I think “sorry” is a wonderful and thankful word that you can use no matter how old you are. That's because the wish that humans grow has become words.
And forgiveness means accepting while knowing one's own disadvantages and unreasonableness. There are things to hold here too. The leeway humans have shows up here.
I hope you can live by doing good things. It's for me and my loved ones. Forgive each other while knowing (or feeling) each other's ignorance. I think that is the art of living between ordinary people.

I read it.
You're so sorry that you've committed a mistake, and you're feeling guilty. It's very painful to think about people who treat me so kindly and take care of me. You're very afraid that if you get to know you, they'll look down on you. You think you're hurting yourself like that, don't you? I don't know the details about you, the crimes you committed, or the people around you, but I really understand your painful feelings.
You are always being protected and loved by many people and nurtured. You're a very important person, aren't you?
Please put your hands together with the Buddha, gods, and ancestors from the bottom of your heart to confess the mistakes and sins you have committed, and sincerely repent, and sincerely apologize to the Buddha, gods, ancestors, and those you have hurt or caused damage; if you ever meet them in person, apologize sincerely.
Also, please swear to the Buddha, gods, and ancestors not to commit such mistakes or sins.
Buddha, gods, and ancestors will kindly accept all of your thoughts, repentance, apologies, and vows, accept and save you, and guide you in a good direction.
You are being gently watched over by the Buddha, God, and your ancestors anytime, anywhere, and in any situation. Then, you will be led to a good direction, and many people will always be kind, caring, and nurturing you.
Please don't worry.
I sincerely pray to the Buddha, gods, and ancestors that you will be protected and nurtured by many people in the future and that you can keep good thoughts, words, and actions in mind every day and live a fulfilling life with peace of mind from the bottom of your heart.
And I will support you from the bottom of my heart. We wholeheartedly agree

I read your consultation. I understand the feeling that you are suffering so much that you seem to be crushed by a deep sense of guilt. Everyone makes mistakes, and how we live from there becomes value in the true sense of the word.

・Reasons why feelings of guilt arise
In Buddhism, it is explained that “the past has already passed away, and only the present moment exists.” However, no matter what, we are bound by “what we have done in the past.” The reason I think “I'm not qualified” every time I touch people who are kind is because my heart is trapped in that past.

That thought is also an expression of “sincerity of heart.” Feeling guilty is proof that you already have a deep desire to “not want to repeat the same mistakes.”

・Are they unclean people
Thinking “I'm unclean” is a very painful form of self-denial. However, Buddhism explains that people are essentially precious beings with “Buddha nature (power to awaken).” Even if mistakes are made, that Buddha character will never be lost. The fact that you shed tears and feel guilty is itself the “work of Buddha nature.”

・How to deal with it
Focus on “this step” rather than making amends
The past cannot be erased, but by “being kind to people now” and “living honestly,” we can gradually return our emotional debts.

Turn gratitude into practice
Instead of feeling guilty that your parents or friends are kind to you, try replacing it with “I'll make the most of that kindness and be kind to someone too.”

An ascetic practice to let go of guilt
Adjust your breathing, and when images from the past come to mind, “This is the past. I will live in the present,” he repeats. This is the practice of “mindfulness (mindfulness)” in Buddhism, and it helps calm the mind.

・To tie
What I would like to say to those of you who are about to be crushed by guilt is that “it is the work of Buddha nature” and “it is proof that you have deep sincerity as a person.” You don't have to avoid getting involved with nice people. By receiving that kindness and returning it to someone else, the past is quietly sublimated.

Gassho

Below are Shakyamuni's words.
“If someone does something bad, don't repeat it.”
“Even if someone has done bad deeds before, if they are later overcome by good, that person will illuminate this world. -As if the moon had left the clouds.”
Even if you make a mistake in the past, if you deeply reflect on it and never repeat it again, then there is no problem with that in terms of Buddhism.
There's absolutely no need for you to worry about it.
However, if you really care (this is something I would like to recommend to everyone, not just you), how about starting to do good deeds today.
Give up your seat to an elderly person on the train, pick up trash by the roadside, or say kind words to people like your friends, parents, or teachers.
If you keep doing that even one thing every day, you'll shine like the moon away from the clouds.
Memories of past mistakes will be erased.